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March 09, 2020

TODAY'S STOCK-MARKET TIP:

Just don't look.

AND IN SPORTS

Crufts Best in Show winner celebrates by pooing on floor during victory lap

(Thanks to Doug Ogg and Emily, Leslie and w)

JUST WHEN YOU THOUGHT THE SITUATION COULD NOT GET ANY MORE DIRE

San Antonio woman's bag of Hot Cheetos filled with regular Cheetos instead

(Thanks to Ralph)

WE'RE GONNA NEED MORE TOILET PAPER

NASA Warns 4-Kilometer Planet-Killer Asteroid Currently Headed For Earth

(Thanks to Suzie Q Wacvet) (But not nursecindy)

IT'S A GUY!

Loud boom heard in parts of North Texas believed to be Tannerite used for gender reveal

(Thanks to John Criswell, who says "Real rednecks would have used dynamite.")

UPDATE FROM KURRI KURRI

Brit wins prize for world's best mullet hairstyle - after having it cut as a joke

(Thanks to Ranald Adams and Doug Ogg)

IF IT WAS 'COPACABANA,' WE'RE WITH HIM

Man draws gun in bar after becoming upset with karaoke song, police say

(Thanks to pharmaross)

THIS HAPPENS FAR TOO OFTEN

Firefighters in North Yorkshire have tackled a blaze that broke out after a pig swallowed a pedometer which then combusted in its pen after excretion.

(Thanks to pharmaross, Ralph, DaninDallas and Mary Smith)

REMINDER:

You should wash your hands thoroughly after reading this blog. Health experts recommend that, to make sure you scrub long enough, you mentally sing "Miss American Pie" (the uncut version).

 
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