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March 06, 2020

SOMETIMES ‘MORONS’ IS TOO HARSH A WORD

And sometimes it is not.

(Thanks to Ann)

DOGS WOULD HAVE HIDDEN HIM

Man Running from Cops Stops to Pet Cats, Goes to Jail

(Thanks to Dave N.)

WE KNOW WHOSE METH IT WAS

Cops Find Meth And Baby Squirrel In Woman's Purse During Traffic Stop

(Thanks to Rudolph)

SOUNDS... UNAPPEALING

Buffalo Wild Wings letting contest winners live inside restaurant during first days of March Madness

Bathing would be... interesting

(Thanks to pharmaross)

WE KNOW WHERE TO SEND THEM

Marauding monkeys take over government office block and force officials to flee

(Thanks to many people)

AH, COLLEGE

A drunk university student trying to get home from a night on the town woke up in an Uber 250 miles away from his destination with a $1,700 bill.

(Thanks to John Lobert)

OTHER THAN THAT IT WAS A FUN DATE

Boyfriend reaches in pocket to pay bill, accidentally shoots girlfriend in leg at Texas de Brazil at Walden Galleria

(Thanks to pharmaross)

IF YOUR ORDER GETS MIXED UP AT CHECKERS...

...keep quiet.

(Thanks to pharmaross)

ALLELUIA

Spill causes wine to flow through village's pipes instead of water

(Thanks to pharmaross, Emily, Leslie and w and Sean T)

IN FLORIDA HE'D STILL BE WITHIN THE GRACE PERIOD

Driver pulled over with expired 1997 license plate

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson, Kevin Meerschaert and Ralph)

BUT IT IS MEDICALLY NECESSARY

Coronavirus outbreak prompts Tito's Vodka to remind customers that vodka isn't hand sanitizer

(Thanks to Maryann)

WE HAVE THAT REACTION TO AXE

Duval student mistakenly spritzes self with pepper spray; sends 40 others to hospital

(Thanks to Kevin Meerschaert)

THE WORSENING WORLD TP CRISIS WORSENS

Australian toilet paper truck catches fire sparking new tissue tizzy

(Thanks to John Lobert)

SOUNDS SCIENTIFIC!

The CopperZap nasal wand, a steal at $69.95.

(Thanks to Michael Moyer)

ANYWAY IT WAS A CONSENTING OCTOPUS

Pershore man denies having octopus porn

(Thanks to pharmaross)

WE HOPE HE BROUGHT TUPPERWARE TO THE HEARING

William Shatner awarded horse semen in his divorce settlement

(Thanks to Rod Nunley, DaninDallas, pharmaross, Doug Ogg, Le Petomane and Stan Ruth)

AND IN MIAMI SPORTS

Coach in trouble for letting twerking tour film video in gym

(Thanks to Asher Scheiner and pharmaross)

 
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