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February 26, 2020

SEND THIS WOMAN, AND THE POSSUM, TO WASHINGTON

A woman performed a spiritual ritual on a dead possum in the road, demanding it 'repent,' Waukesha police say

(Thanks to pharmaross)

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She should have sent the possum to Tallapoosa, Georgia for their New Year's Eve possum drop. No wait, they already have one.

I'm not a theologist, but I thought animals don't have souls, so they can't sin, and therefore can't repent. Maybe she thought this was a wereopossum. That doesn't explain the goldfish — can anyone provide a Bible reference?

The possums that took up residence in my attic should have repented when they had the chance. They'd have experienced a better fate.

The woman then pulled a Green Bay Packers lawn chair out of her car

This could explain so much.

Does she always keep goldfish in her car for "spiritual ritual"? And were the goldfish dead or alive? The windshield washer fluid was her substitute for Holy Water, I presume.

*heading Down Under in a handbasket*

What sibs did a 'possum have? They get 1/2 way across the road and get squashed.
The Official Texas Speed Bump.

I'm pretty sure this isn't an approved way to participate in Ash Wednesday in any of the larger denominations.

Carrying around a goldfish alive or dead is a bit beyond most people's experiences, apart from going to or from a pet store. And even the going to a pet store would only be to get a replacement for one that died while under warranty.

I saw Repentant Possums open for the Byrds.

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