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February 26, 2020

SUNSHINE STATE HEALTHCARE UPDATE

Fort Myers hospital worker accused of sucking patient's toes

(Thanks to pharmaross)

ATTENTION, ACADEMY AWARDS VOTERS

Terrific stop motion animation made from pancakes

(Thanks to John Lobert)

WHO COULD HAVE FORESEEN IT?

Dozens of people have been injured in the annual ‘exploding hammer’ festival in Mexico.

(Thanks to John Lobert, who says "Should be called “Guys in Action Festival.”)

IT CAN TRASH A HOTEL ROOM FOUR TIMES AS FAST AS A HUMAN

Shimon the singer-songwriter robot to launch first album and tour

(Thanks to Ben Cunningham)

 

THE SCIENCE IS SETTLED

If you drive an expensive car you're probably a jerk, scientists say

(Thanks to Bobby Grawl)

SEND THIS WOMAN, AND THE POSSUM, TO WASHINGTON

A woman performed a spiritual ritual on a dead possum in the road, demanding it 'repent,' Waukesha police say

(Thanks to pharmaross)

SHE HAD NO CHOICE

Woman fires shot into Taco Bell after becoming upset over order

(Thanks to pharmaross)

IN THAT CASE, SIR, YOU AND YOUR COUSIN’S PANTS ARE FREE TO GO

Wyandotte man found with heroin, fentanyl says he borrowed pants from his cousin

(Thanks to pharmaross)

MEANWHILE IN FLATHEAD COUNTY

11:27 p.m. There was a man sitting in a baseball field in the dark.

(Thanks to Craig Roberts)

WE SAW FEISTY BABY OPEN FOR STING

Feisty baby stares down doctors seconds after birth

(Thanks to Ralph)

THEY NEED TO DO THIS FOR THE DEBATES

TV reporter accidentally turns mask filter on before going live in NC, video shows

(Thanks to Ralph)

WHAT’S HAPPENING IN MEN’S FASHION?

Don’t ask.

(Thanks to Peter Metrinko)

IT WAS A LOVELY AFFAIR, AS FAR AS ANYBODY CAN REMEMBER

Weed-loving couple have cannabis-themed wedding including special wedding bong

(Thanks to pharmaross, who says “I now pronounce you Dude and Dudette.”)

WE’RE NUMBER TWO

Why America Is Losing The Toilet Race

(Thanks to pharmaross, who notes that America is “behind.”)

MAYBE HE WAS GOING TO THE MOVIES

New Jersey man used fake $100 bill with ‘For Motion Picture Use Only’ on it to pay clerk at gas station

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson and pharmaross)

February 25, 2020

FLORIDA WILDLIFE UPDATE

“We have an owl decoy as a bird of prey sitting on the edge of the pool. The ducks seem to have adopted him so we now have a floating alligator head. Hopefully this will make them nervous and motivate them to find another home. Please keep the alligator head in the pool so we can see if it is effective.”

(Thanks to Kevin Meerschaert)

WE’LL HAVE WHAT SHE’S HAVING

Doctors Report The First Known Case of a Person Who Urinates Alcohol

(Thanks to Phil McAvity)

IT MUST BE TRUE, BECAUSE IT’S ON THE INTERNET

A number of online websites suggest a frozen French fry-sized piece of potato inserted internally for 30 seconds is just the ticket for pile sufferers.

(Thanks to pharmaross)

GUESS THE STATE

A topless 23-year-old woman was driving on U.S. 1 while participating in sex acts with her boyfriend before getting in a crash.

(Thanks to pharmaross)

SOMEHOW THIS DID NOT HAPPEN IN FLORIDA

The site of the crash was, in fact, inside the Kwik Trip’s car wash.

(Thanks to pharmaross)

GUYS IN ACTION

A male baboon on his way to a vasectomy managed to escape his transport with his two female companions and run amok on the Royal Prince Alfred Hospital campus on Tuesday afternoon.

(Thanks to Janice Gelb)

BUT ONLY IF THERE’S A MAN IN THE POOL

Child protection official slammed for saying women can get pregnant from swimming

(Thanks to pharmaross)

AS RECOMMENDED BY THE AMA

Florida man sets hospital bed on fire to get nurse’s attention, police say

(Thanks to pharmaross)

YOU KNOW WHO IS BEHIND THIS

Swarm of 40,000 bees attacks police, firefighters in California, officials say

(Thanks to Doug Ogg)

How do they know how many bees there were? Did somebody count them?

TIME FOR TELEVISED CONGRESSIONAL HEARINGS

Grand jury indicts flute repair shop owner for serial theft

(Thanks to Ben Cunningham)

February 24, 2020

UPDATE

TripAdvisor bans reviews of NatWest hole in Derby... even though it is a 'masterpiece'

(Thanks to Ralph)

DO NOT MESS WITH THEM

A hero granny armed with a mop and bucket of dirty water beat off an armed crook after he tried robbing her village shop at gunpoint.

(Thanks to Roberto)

FRANCE ON HIGH ALERT

Hundreds of musicians in British military bands have been forced to stop playing due to injuries caused by marching and performing at the same time.

(Thanks to Fabian Marson)

SO FAR IT'S NOT TALKING

Duck left behind in Birmingham shop by thieves

(Thanks to Nancy Gill)

SOME DAYS WE DON'T KNOW, EITHER

I'm sorry to be the bearer of bad news but Dave was the answer to a question on Jeopardy on Friday and, even though they showed his picture, NONE OF THE CONTESTANTS KNEW WHO HE WAS! ("Writers Are Trying To Be Clever" category - $800

-- Bob Sassone

WE KNOW WHO'S GIVING THE ORDERS

Drug lord's four hippos have spawned 80 more hippos, and they're terrorizing a little town

(Thanks to Dave N.)

READERS OF THIS BLOG WILL HAVE A GOOD IDEA WHY

California cops investigate why man drove Jeep off multi-level parking garage

(Thanks to John Lobert)

SEND THIS SURFER TO WASHINGTON

New Zealand surfer fights off great white shark by punching it repeatedly, cursing it off

(Thanks to pharmaross)

GUYS IN ACTION

The unusual method, sees the man using a fork and a pair of scissors to scoff spaghetti, lifting the pasta up with the fork and chopping the overhang off, before putting what's left in his mouth.

(Thanks to John Lobert)

‘THE NASAL RANGER’

For a few thousand dollars, cities are purchasing a device that bears striking resemblance to the Smell-O-Scope from the TV series Futurama to sniff out weed and fine smokers and growers if the scent produced is too strong.

Here’s the official Nasal Ranger website.

(Thanks to Stan Ruth)

(We think we may have blogged this already, but you can’t take chances with something like this.) 

PORSCHIA COME HOME

Pet poodle taken by hawk, found 28 hours later in Allegheny County

(Thanks to Stan Ruth)

WE ARE DYING TO KNOW

How one Florida woman amassed a collection of more than 21,000 banana labels

(Thanks to Asher Scheiner)

February 23, 2020

BOLO

A jailed Irish drug dealer has lost his ill-gotten £46million Bitcoin fortune after the piece of A4 paper he had the access codes on and hid for safekeeping was 'thrown out' by his ex-landlord. 

(Thanks to James Flynn)

THE SCIENCE IS SETTLED

Drinking beer daily ‘can nearly DOUBLE a man’s chances of hitting 90 compared to teetotallers’

(Thanks to pharmaross)

WE HAVE BEEN CALLED MANY THINGS

But this is a first.

ATTENTION, WORLD TRAVELERS:

Ilkeston NatWest hole in wall rises up TripAdvisor rankings

(Thanks to Ralph)

NATURE UPDATE:

It’s getting less and less natural.

(Thanks to Jay Brandes and pharmaross)

YOU WANT FRIES WITH THAT STUDY?

Men who eat junk food are more likely to have low sperm count, says study

(Thanks to John Lobert, who says “This is probably a good thing.”)

February 22, 2020

NEVER LEAVE YOUR HOUSE UNATTENDED

Demolition company tears down wrong Dallas home

(Thanks to pharmaross)

UNCLEAR ON THE CONCEPT

Arizona Man Gets Drunk, Steals Bike To Celebrate Sobriety

(Thanks to pharmaross)

CLUTCHING A PERFECTLY PRESERVED FLORIDA DRIVER’S LICENSE

Frozen bird discovered in Siberia is 46,000 years old

(Thanks to DaninDallas, who says “Grill with a lemon baste.”)

THEY’RE INTO KETO

Watching TV helps birds make better food choices

(Thanks to pharmaross)

WE THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME

You can go naked walking with llamas just one hour from Kent

(Thanks to pharmaross and Ralph)

February 21, 2020

SEND THIS MAN TO WASHINGTON

Man Pulls Out 22 Kg Poop From Constipated Elephant’s Butt

(Thanks to Unholy Slacker)

WE SAW ARMY OF DUCKS OPEN FOR THE DEAD

China sends army of 100,000 ducks to border to fight locust plague from Africa

(Thanks to Mark Schlesinger and Ralph)

 
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