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February 02, 2020

ATTENTION, SPORTS FANS:

Avoid Super Bowl 'avocado hand' injuries with these helpful tips

(Thanks to pharmaross and John Lobert)

We saw Avocado Hand open for the Cowsills.

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If you watch closely, a Cowsill can be seen cutting off his hand while slicing an avocado in this classic half-time show video.

See also bagel slicing injury. Bagels are both boiled and baked resulting in a sometimes hard smooth outer bagel crust. Slicing a bagel in half without also slicing open your hand requires a steady nerve and careful execution. It is safer to use a bagel slicer guillotine kitchen gadget.

If you must use a knife when slicing a bagel makes sure to use a bread knife; also make sure your health insurance covers trips to the emergency room.

Hold the bagel in the hand not wielding the bread knife, then slice halfway through the bagel. Invert the bagel with the knife still inside the bagel and continue slicing up instead of down towards your still intact hand. If you have successfully sliced the bagel without spilling any of your blood then congratulations are in order.

I avoid any possible kitchen injuries of this type by asking my wife to show me how it's supposed to be done.

Never bring an avocado to a knife fight.

Wait: people actually peel their avocados?

No. Cut the avocado in half lengthwise around the pit. Split apart, remove the pit. With the fruit on a cutting board, slice the flesh just to the skin into 1/2-inch rows, rotate fruit 1/4 turn, and slice again to make cubes of the flesh that can then be easily removed with a spoon.
Make your guac to taste. Enjoy.

You're welcome.

There is no reason to ever peel an avocado. A modification of MOTW's method:

Cut avocado in half around the pit. Split apart. Remove the pit (there is an easy knife trick for this step). Use a large spoon to remove each half from the skin intact. Then do whatever you want.

My wife insists on peeling the damned avocado. By the time she's done peeling it, my guacamole is already done and heading for chips.

Thank you MOTW. Your explanation almost makes me wish I actually ate avocados. I lived in the Philippines for three years when I was a kid and we had avocado trees all around our house. I got so sick of seeing them rotting on the ground after they fell off the trees I just can't eat them now.

The simplest way to avoid peeling or even fixing avocados is to go to a supermarket and buy prepared guacamole. They have several different varieties, too boot. Holy Guacamole is a favorite in these parts.

This is why I stick with little wienies wrapped in dough.

BTW, my own Super Bowl evening ritual:
(1) Gather alcoholic beverage(s) of choice (I'm at home and not driving anywhere).
(2) Gather little wienies and other cardiologist-disapproved gastronomic goodies.
(3) Arrange all in immediate vicinity of comfortable recliner.
(4) Watch Hogan's Heroes DVDs. I could not care less about The Game.

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