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February 21, 2020

SEND THIS MAN TO WASHINGTON

Man Pulls Out 22 Kg Poop From Constipated Elephant’s Butt

(Thanks to Unholy Slacker)

WE SAW ARMY OF DUCKS OPEN FOR THE DEAD

China sends army of 100,000 ducks to border to fight locust plague from Africa

(Thanks to Mark Schlesinger and Ralph)

THE VERY FRIENDLY SKIES

EASYJET has apologised after accidentally directing customers to a sex site peddling prostitutes.

(Thanks to pharmaross)

GUESS THE STATE

Detectives followed the trail of pill bottles to a home where they found two of the men, sheriff’s officials said.

(Thanks to Janice Gelb and pharmaross)

IN THAT CASE, SIR, YOU ARE FREE TO GOAT

Man Caught Trying to Steal Goats From Virginia Farmer Pretended to Be Drunk: Sheriff

(Thanks to pharmaross)

SIX OF ONE

She told dispatchers she had been shot in the shoulder. When police arrived at the 300 block of E. Osborne Street they determined the woman had not been shot, but stung or bitten by some type of insect.

(Thanks to pharmaross)

GET THEM OUT OF CIVILIAN HANDS

Man allegedly wielding ukulele to bash Adelaide Fringe performer refused bail

(Thanks to pharmaross)

AND IN SPORTS

Moose runs down crowded ski slope in Sweden

(Thanks to Ralph)

MEANWHILE IN FLATHEAD COUNTY

9:02 a.m. A local man was picking up trash in his neighborhood when he realized it was actually mail.

(Thanks to Fabian Marson)

TERRORISM UPDATE

A microwaved package of Oreos started a fire in a motor home off Lazy D Farm Road Tuesday, according to Estero Fire Rescue.

Fire at historic Balls Creek Campground was intentionally set, lab tests confirm

(Thanks to pharmaross)

WHY SHOULD THEY BE ANY DIFFERENT?

Spitting, swearing, fornicating on minds of Virginia lawmakers

(Thanks to Peter Metrinko)

MOURNERS WILL NOT BE PERMITTED TO PASS IT

A man who drove a school bus for 55 years will be laid to rest in a school bus casket

“all it is missing is an emergency exit door"

(Thanks to Fred Preller, pharmaross and Doug Ogg)

FROM THE SAME NATION THAT GAVE THE WORLD LUTEFISK

After Failing With Worm-Burgers, Norwegian Grocery Chain To Launch Cricket Burgers

(Thanks to Le Petomane, Mark Schlesinger and James Flynn)

MEN (ESPECIALLY MEN WHO POLE-VAULT):

Under no circumstances should you click here.

(Thanks to Rick Day and pharmaross)

AS F***, THAT’S HOW

Florida man arrested for fourth DUI tells cops just how high he is, deputies say

Related: Man, 68, led officers on 20 mph chase while high on pot

(Thanks to pharmaross)

CSI: CROYDON

New Hampshire town's police department disbanded, chief protests by walking home in underwear

(Thanks to Ralph, DaninDallas and Barry Nester)

ANYBODY MISSING ANYTHING?

Human brain seized in mail truck on US-Canada border

(Thanks to Barry Nester, Matt Filar, Le Petomane, DaninDallas and The Perts)

 
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