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January 24, 2020

NEEDLESS TO DAY IT HAD A VALID FLORIDA DRIVER'S LICENSE

DPS catches man using HOV lane with a skeleton decoration in his passenger seat

(Thanks to pharmaross)

IT SANG 'COPACABANA'

Scientists Recreate Mummified Priest’s 3,000-Year-Old ‘Vocal Sound’

(Thanks to Janice Gelb)

TODAY'S ACTIVE SENIORS

Grandmother caught with 200 pounds of meth

(Thanks to Chris Elzi)

CSI: GEORGETOWN COUNTY, S.C.

K-9 bites cow, SC deputy tases K-9, cow kicks deputy

(Thanks to Kevin Meerschaert and somebody else we are unable to identify)

REST EASY, PEOPLE OF NATICK

Natick Police arrest parking lot pooper.

(Thanks to Unholy Slacker, Michael Parry, Al Barkafski, Matt Filar, pharmaross and Beth)

'NOT RECOMMENDED FOR PEOPLE OF A NERVOUS DISPOSITION'

A new immersive performance will allow audience members to experience a plane crash.

(Thanks to Rod Nunley)

January 23, 2020

NOW *THIS* IS TALENT

Lady Performs Song On Two Recorders, One In Each Nostril

(Thanks to John Lobert)

WE WERE NOT AWARE THAT CANADIANS NEEDED IDs

Ontario teen reportedly calls police to complain after fake ID didn’t arrive

(Thanks to pharmaross and John Lobert)

NOW WITH ADDED MINERALS

Man furious with Air Canada after wife finds rock in meal served on flight

(Thanks to pharmaross)

A.K.A. 'JOE EXOTIC'

A former Oklahoma zookeeper and one-time candidate for governor was sentenced Wednesday to 22 years in prison for his role in a murder-for-hire plot and violating federal wildlife laws.

(Thanks to pharmaross and Vernon)

THE WILD, WILD WESTERN PART OF BROOKLYN

Verrazzano-Narrows Bridge reopens after livestock trailer crash

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson, who says "Fortunately,  the cattle,  sheep and goats all had valid Florida driver's licenses.")

NEARLY A TWO-DAY SUPPLY

Man arrested in Arizona with nearly $4 million worth of drugs in his car

(Thanks to pharmaross)

FEELING STUFFED UP, DUDE?

FDA Approves Cocaine Nasal Spray

(Thanks to Rick Day)

OTHER THAN THAT, IT WAS A LOVELY AFFAIR

A couple’s wedding has been called off after the groom’s father and bride’s mother both disappeared in a suspected elopement.

(Thanks to Matt Filar)

WE HARDLY KNEW YE

Mr. Peanut is dead.

(Thanks to Emily, Leslie and w and pharmaross)

TAKE THAT, NEW YORK

Adult ball pit party coming to Cleveland in February

(Thanks to pharmaross)

THE NEWS FROM TASMANIA

Rogue wombat 'Mr Bat' relocated to Cradle Mountain after pestering Longford residents

This has been The News From Tasmania.

(Thanks to Janice Gelb)

January 22, 2020

ROLE MODEL OF THE WEEK SO FAR

Ohio dad headbutts basketball referee during game involving 5th-grade girls, police say

(Thanks to pharmaross)

FINE BY US FLORIDIANS. WE DON'T USE THEM ANYWAY.

GM to debut autonomous car without a steering wheel, report says

(Thanks to Rod Nunley)

DO NOT MESS WITH THEM

Retired welder, 75, says his phone hasn't rung for months because his friends think he is dead after he discovers his own GRAVESTONE erected by his ex-wife

(Thanks to Doug Ogg)

Texas woman tases husband after catching him with girlfriend

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)

WORSE THAN FALLING FROZEN IGUANAS

Aussie Homes To Be 'Flooded' With Deadly Spiders After Rain

(Thanks to Allen at Division)

ATTENTION, INVESTORS:

Florida woman selling manatee-shaped chicken tender for $5,000

(Thanks to Ralph)

GUESS THE CONTINENT

Enormous carpet python devours a goanna while hanging from a roof in front of shocked residents at a retirement village

(Thanks to Rod Nunley)

GUYS IN ACTION

Two Gardiner men — one driving a pickup truck and the other driving a tractor — were arrested Monday night after a confrontation on Ledgewood Lane where they rammed each other with their vehicles repeatedly.

(Thanks to Doug Ogg)

'AMONG THE FIRST ON THE SCENE WAS THE PINK DINOSAUR'

‘Furries’ pulled assaulter out of vehicle, sat on him

(Thanks to DaninDallas and Doug Ogg)

THEY KNOW HIS NAME BECAUSE HE HAS A FLORIDA DRIVER'S LICENSE

Crow named George vandalises windscreen wipers of 20 cars

(Thanks to John Lobert, who says "You know who put him up to it.")

January 21, 2020

MIAMI WEATHER FORECASTS ARE NOT LIKE YOUR WEATHER FORECASTS

Screen Shot 2020-01-21 at 3.29.17 PM

PLANNING TO COME TO MIAMI FOR THE SUPER BOWL?

You're out of your mind. Here's a handy visitors' guide!

TOUCHING

Avid fisherman's family honors his memory by bringing boat into funeral home

(Thanks to pharmaross)

NO.

Just, no.

(Thanks to B'game and Mac demere)

BOLO

Nearly 100 beehives vanish from California orchard, owner says.

(Thanks to pharmaross)

IS THERE A PROBLEM, OFFICER?

Palm Coast’s Ryan Centofanti, 35, Accused of Drunkenly Driving Down A1A and Repeatedly Firing AR-15-Type Rifle

He already has a Florida license.

(Thanks to pharmaross)

APOCALYPSE UPDATE

Mysterious Cloud Signals Second Coming of ‘Baby Yoda'

(Thanks to Ralph)

SERIOUSLY?

Schools Took Away Students’ Phones. Now They’re Treating Separation Anxiety

(Thanks to Rod Nunley)

GUYS IN ACTION

It's a miracle that our species has survived the invention of the internal-combustion engine.

(Thanks to Peter Metrinko)

CRIMESTOPPER TIP OF THE DAY SO FAR

Cheese slices ‘produce great fingerprints,’ Texas police discover

(Thanks to MOTW)

AMERICA TACKLES THE ISSUES

Wendy Williams Seemingly Farted On Her Talk Show And People Are Absolutely Losing It

(Thanks to pharmaross)

BARTENDER SAYS, WHY THE LONG NOSE?

Wild elephant walks into Sri Lankan hotel and gently wanders around

(Thanks to John Lobert)

WHAT ARE YOU LOOKING AT?

N.J. hates everyone and everyone hates N.J. in viral map.

(Thanks to pharmaross and Ranald Adams and Jeff Meyerson, who notes that only Florida hates itself)

January 20, 2020

OTHER THAN THAT, IT WAS THE PERFECT CRIME

Man steals car with pit bull in backseat, crashes into power pole in Great Falls

(Thanks to pharmaross)

NORTH DAKOTA: THE SPARSELY POPULATED STATE

In its 2020 advertising campaign, North Dakota urges travelers to "follow your curiosity—not the crowds," a nod to the state's wide-open and sparsely populated attractions.

Incredibly, this campaign fails to mention a major attraction in Grand Forks.

(Thanks to pharmaross)

ATTENTION, PARENTS WHO THINK THEIR KIDS ARE TOO ATTACHED TO THE INTERNET:

Here's one solution.

(Thanks to Ralph)

AND IN SPORTS

Masters Snooker final halted due to 'whoopee cushion' device planted in the crowd

(Thanks to Roberto)

THIS BLOG HAS NEVER BEEN PROUDER

US troops drink Iceland capital’s entire beer supply in one weekend

(Thanks to John Gregg)

THE REST, HE WASTED

Former Drexel professor arrested and accused of spending $185,000 in grant money on strippers, sports bars and iTunes

(Thanks to pharmaross)

ALASKA GUYS IN ACTION

A man taking out the trash ended up hiding in hid shed to escape from a moose

(Thanks to Roberto)

THIS CHANGES EVERYTHING

Nicole 'Snooki' Polizzi Reveals That She Pees Herself While Riding Her Exercise Bike

(Thanks to Matt Filar)

'IT KNOCKED THE FIRE OUT OF ME'

Hunter bitten on head by venomous snake hanging above him from tree

(Thanks to Rick Day)

LET'S JUST BURN THE CONSTITUTION AND BE DONE WITH IT

Anchorage dentist who pulled patient’s tooth while riding hoverboard found guilty by judge

(Thanks to B'game)

THE APOCALYPSE

It's definitely here.

(Thanks to pharmaross)

 
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