« January 9, 2020 | Main | January 11, 2020 »

January 10, 2020

AND IN SPORTS

Tokyo 2020 bed makers reassure athletes recycled beds won’t collapse during sex

(Thanks to Mark Schlesinger)

WHO SAYS ROMANCE IS DEAD?

Belleview man accused of urinating in lady friend’s bed during nasty spat

(Thanks to pharmaross)

MULTITASKER OF THE WEEK SO FAR

Man High On Meth, Fights Off 15 Police Officers While Masturbating

(Thanks to pharmaross)

WHY WAS THIS TRIAL NOT TELEVISED?

Man accused of exposing penis to woman helping with PIP forms is unanimously cleared by jury

His barrister quizzed him about the size of his penis in court and argued the alleged exposure was "physiologically impossible".

He posed the "delicate question" to his client about his penis size, with an A4 piece of paper in front of him in court.

He asked Mr Knight whether his manhood could get "anywhere close to coming over the top of that piece of paper".

Mr Knight, of Dorset Street, Hartlepool , replied: "No."

(Thanks to pharmaross)

YOUR POINT, DUDE?

“You can smell marijuana everywhere. We’ve got people who can’t sit in their backyard because the smell from their neighbor is so bad.”

(Thanks to pharmaross)

GOOD LUCK WITH THAT

A bill has been introduced in the state Senate that would make it illegal for anyone under the age of 21 to use or possess a cellphone.

"I wouldn’t probably vote for it myself,” said the legislator who introduced the bill.

(Thanks to Asher Scheiner and Mark Schlesinger)

GREAT MOMENTS IN MARKETING

Subaru introduces the Forester Ultimate Customized Kit Special edition.

(Thanks to Rod Nunley)

SOON TO BE A MAJOR MOTION PICTURE

A clerk and a suspect at a Mobil gas station on East Washington Avenue hurled a package of sticky buns back and forth at each other across the counter after the clerk accused the suspect of stealing snacks early Tuesday morning, Madison police reported.

(Thanks to Ralph)

BOLO

Keegan Byars  told police that he had purchased two cheeseburgers at a nearby gas station. He reportedly ate one of the burgers and then placed the other one on the bedside table. When he woke up hours later, the cheeseburger was gone, according to the police report.

Shocker: The officer noted in the report that Byars was "extremely intoxicated."

(Thanks to Ralph and Dorkfish)

THIS CALLS FOR LENGTHY AND CONTENTIOUS CONGRESSIONAL HEARINGS

Jupiter is being accused of actively flinging dangerous objects into the inner solar system that could impact Earth.

Uranus may also be involved.

(Thanks to Suzie Q Wacvet and Le Petomane, who says "The Roswell aliens assure us the Jovians are notoriously  bad shots.")

 
Terms of Service | Privacy Policy | Copyright | About The Miami Herald | Advertise