Dave Barry's Blog

TIME FOR A BENEFIT CONCERT

Universal Pictures faces at least $70-million loss from ‘Cats’ debacle

(Thanks to pharmaross)

THEIR LAST NAME WILL HENCEFORTH BE 'TAILS'

Florida newlyweds Jeff and Darcy chose to flip a coin at their nuptials to choose their last name.

(Thanks to Asher Scheiner)

SOMEBODY HAD TO DO IT

Man steals crane, tags ‘Bird God’ on Brooklyn’s Grand Army Plaza arch

(Thanks to Janice Gelb)

NOTED

Scientists Have Warned That We Absolutely Must Not Farm Octopuses

(Thanks to Rod Nunley)

THESE YOUNGSTERS TODAY

Sheriff's deputies on Sunday nabbed four underage Gladwin County men reported to be drinking and driving — in a horse and buggy.

(Thanks to pharmaross, Asher Scheiner and Doug Ogg)

WE CANNOT BEAR THE TENSION

Crews prep for Idaho Potato Drop in downtown Boise

(Thanks to Craig Roberts)

Related: North Carolina town ends New Year’s Eve possum drop after yearslong battle

(Thanks to Rod Nunley)

SEND THESE SCIENTISTS, AND THIS GENE, TO WASHINGTON

Scientists Put a Human Intelligence Gene Into a Monkey.

(Thanks to Suzie Q Wacvet)

CANADA: A NATION OUT OF CONTROL

You can skate in your underwear below the Gardiner on December 29

(Thanks to pharmaross)

'SKETCH.' RIGHT.

This is the nudes: BBC to screen two hours of 'slow TV' cameras panning around naked bodies of life drawing models… in the hope that viewers will sketch them at home

(Thanks to Roberto)

THIS MEANS WAR

Russia's new £3million tank is the first in the world to have a flushable toilet on-board so soldiers no longer have to relieve themselves in ammunition boxes nicknamed Putin's 'Poo Tins'

(Thanks to Roberto)

OBEY THE SHIRT

Woman who torched motor home while wearing 'Act Crazy' shirt arrested

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson and pharmaross)

HEY, SHE WAS UPSET

Florida woman crashes through Baton Rouge assisted-living home after break-up

(Thanks to Fabian Marson)

"SOMEONE CALLED 911 TO RAVE ABOUT THE 1991 MOVIE 'SLEEPING WITH THE ENEMY'"

The year's biggest crimes in Flathead County.

(Thanks to Fabian Marson)

AND STAY OFF HIS LAWN

Painter falls off ladder after angry pensioner shakes it for getting in his way

(Thanks to John Lobert)

FLORIDAAAAAAAAAAA

The director of tourism for the Indian River County Chamber of Commerce was arrested early Sunday morning after officers said she punched an officer  and caused a disturbance at a Vero Beach IHOP.

Imagine the welcome an actual tourist would receive.

(Thanks to pharmaross)

THE HAPPIEST PLACE ON EARTH

A 22-year-old Peruvian woman waiting to ride Flight of Passage felt something wet on the back of her leg. She was standing in line for the attraction at Animal Kingdom notorious for its wait times since opening in 2017. Turning around, she realized a man — a 46-year-old from Brazil — was urinating in the queue.

(Thanks to pharmaross)

BUT THEY DIED HAPPY

Jim Beam fined $600K in massive bourbon spill that killed fish

(Thanks to pharmaross)

WHAT’S THAT SMELL?

This wearable vest grows a self-sustaining garden watered by your own urine

(Thanks to Unholy Slacker)

We may have posted this earlier, but we can't take chances with something this important. 

ATTENTION, JOURNALISTS COVERING THE IOWA CAUCUSES:

You need this shirt:

(Thanks to Rudolph)

BECAUSE YOU DON'T HAVE ENOUGH TO FEEL GUILTY ABOUT

Peeing at night could cost the United States' economy billions

(Thanks to Matt Filar)

OTHER THAN THAT, IT WAS A LOVELY VOYAGE

Family sprayed with urine on Interislander ferry after underpants flushed down toilet

(Thanks to pharmaross)

WE THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME

If you’ve ever dreamt of lathering up your body in the citrusy goodness of Mountain Dew soda, well, your dream is coming true.

(Thanks to Kevin Meerschaert)

SOON TO BE A MAJOR MOTION PICTURE

Elizabethtown police face down ‘hostile chicken’ at pharmacy

(Thanks to Ralph)

THOUGHTFUL

Tennessee woman buys 'pyromaniac' dad a flamethrower for Christmas

(Thanks to Le Petomane, John Lobert, Hayseed Tom and pharmaross)

IT WILL FIT RIGHT IN

This great white shark is 12 feet long and nearly 1,000 pounds. Now, it’s come to Miami

(Thanks to pharmaross)

Perhaps it wants to use public transportation.

THIS USUALLY WORKS

Stroud claimed he was God and wanted to heal the victim, according to police. He attempted to heal the victim by "striking him with his scepter or steel rod," according to court documents.

(Thanks to pharmaross)

WE DIDN'T KNOW GAS PUMPS HAD NAPLES

Man accused of angrily punching, kicking gas pumps in Naples

(Thanks to pharmaross)

MEN:

Do not click here.

(Thanks to DaninDallas and Rod Nunley)

YOU THOUGHT FASHION COULD NOT GET ANY STUPIDER

You were wrong.

(Thanks to Roberto)

AND IN SPORTS

West Ham forward Michail Antonio crashed his £210,000 Lamborghini Huracan into the bin shed of a family home while dressed as a snowman on Christmas Day.

(Thanks to Roberto)

THEN THEY'RE IN THE RIGHT PLACE

People like to freeze their hair in Canada

(Thanks to Janice Gelb)

FESTIVE

A Christmas tree in St Albans has been decorated with condoms so people can come and "help themselves" over the festive period.

(Thanks to pharmaross)

SHADES OF NEMO

Octopus Escapes Aquarium Through 160-Foot Drainpipe Into the Sea

(Thanks to Janice Gelb)

GUESS THE CITY

Investigators said two people traveling in a gold Honda got into an argument. When the driver stopped the vehicle on the interstate, the two exited the vehicle and began fighting.

(Thanks to pharmaross)

IT WAS RELEASED AFTER PRODUCING A VALID FLORIDA DRIVER'S LICENSE

North Carolina couple call 911 on vacuum thought to be intruder

(Thanks to Bill Hudgins, pharmaross, Doug Ogg, Geoff, John Lobert and Kevin Smith)

WE'RE ALL GETTING OLDER

Astronomers are wondering whether Orion's shoulder will soon explode

(Thanks to The Perts)

ATTENTION, LAST-MINUTE HOLIDAY SHOPPERS:

There are still some bargains out there.

(Thanks to Not My Usual Alias)

'MOBILE COUNTRY'

‘County’ misspelled on 10,000 trash bins in Alabama town

(Thanks to Rick Day and The Perts) (We saw them open for Gladys Knight and the Pips.)

SEND THEM TO WASHINGTON

A new study shows dogs can process numbers

(Thanks to coscolo)

STAY CLASSY, LAS VEGAS STRIP JOINT

Las Vegas strip joint donates tents with club’s logo to homeless residents

(Thanks to Doug Ogg)

YOU KNOW WE WILL

Watch the Idaho Potato Drop live on New Year's Eve at KTVB.COM

(Thanks to Woozy Barnes)

THANK GOD FOR STUDIES

It'd take 693 years to resurface Lake Superior with a Zamboni, study says

(Thanks to Kevin Meershcaert and Ralph)

THIS JUST IN

Local Authorities Defend Penis-Shaped Ice Rink in Siberia

(Thanks to Ralph)

'WHO'S GOING TO BELIEVE I HIT A CATFISH?'

Falling catfish shatters North Carolina woman's windshield

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)

THE PERFECT CRIME

Drunk Burger King robber steals $300 in cash, drops $80 while fleeing, ends up drinking at Hooters

(Thanks to John Lobert)

THE YEAR IN REVIEW

Somebody has to do it.

MERRY CHRISTMAS, YOU CRAZY BLOG PEOPLE

And remember:

SEND THIS CROP DUSTER TO WASHINGTON

Crop duster sprinkles holy water down on Louisiana town

(Thanks to Le Petomane)

THINK OF THE TIME SAVED

A Utah man has implanted technology under his skin so he can unlock his Tesla and log onto his computer by waving his hand.

(Thanks to pharmaross)

ATTENTION, LAST-MINUTE SHOPPERS:

Taiwanese Retailer Bundles Nintendo Switch With A Toilet Seat

(Thanks to Asher Scheiner)

The Ada County commissioners voted unanimously Monday to start the process of auctioning off the Barber Dam.

(Thanks to Craig Roberts)