Dave Barry's Blog

WHO'S A GOOD TIGER?

Farmer Paints Dog to Look Like Tiger to Scare Away Raiding Monkeys in Karnataka

(Thanks to pharmaross)

THIS PROBABLY WON'T BE SUPER WEIRD AT ALL!

Johnny Depp producing Michael Jackson musical 'as told by his glove'

(Thanks to phamaross)

SOMEBODY THOUGHT THIS WAS A GOOD IDEA

Seriously.

(Thanks to pharmaross)

OK, THIS IS GENUINELY DISTURBING

Toilet sloths.

(Thanks to Ralph)

BOLO

Women in Agasha community of Guma local government area in Benue state on Wednesday protested over alleged missing genital organs of at least 17 people in the vicinity.

(Thanks to Ralph)

'I'M LIKE, WHY MY HOUSE?'

Gator Came Knocking On Florida Woman’s Door On Thanksgiving

(Thanks to Kevin Meerschaert, Doug Ogg and Jeff Meyerson)

THE NEW NAME WILL BE 'CYANIDE'

The City of Asbestos in Quebec, Canada, announced on Wednesday that it will change its moniker because the negative connotation hinders its ability to develop economic relationships abroad, the city said in a news release.

(Thanks to Charles Cates)

ALWAYS THE LAST PLACE YOU LOOK

A 23-year-old lady, Halima Juma, was arrested with 23 ATM cards allegedly tucked inside her private parts.

(Thanks to Unholy Slacker)

OOPS II

A man who had the creative idea of proposing to his girlfriend while surfing ended up dropping the ring in the sea.

(Thanks to Doug Ogg)

OOPS

“Well Tom your latest review is accompanied by a picture of my husband dining with a woman who isn’t me!” the woman wrote.

(Thanks to MOTW)

ATTENTION, GEEZERS

The 10 most desired tech gifts of the 1970s, year by year

"Pong" remains the only video game that this blog ever mastered.

(Thanks to Jim Kenaston)

AND IN SPORTS

Ole Miss receiver's dog-pee celebration costs team the game in Egg Bowl

(Thanks to pharmaross and Bill Hudgins)

THEY'LL HAVE TO USE THE OUTHOUSE

BOTH toilets on ISS reportedly broken down

(Thanks to Suzie Q Wacvet)

IN THAT CASE, SIR, YOU AND YOUR GOD ARE FREE TO GO

Asked whether he was firing a weapon, the man said, “My God was shooting.” He also said he was shooting.

Guess the state.

(Thanks to pharmaross)

MEANWHILE IN THE ONGOING DRAMA THAT IS FLATHEAD COUNTY

3:31 a.m. A Kalispell woman called to report that one of her friends had texted her that her house was on fire. The woman thought that must be code for something and decided to call 911. Turns out the woman’s friend’s house was actually on fire and the fire department was on scene.

(Thanks to Fabian Marson)

WHAT CHOICE DID SHE HAVE?

Woman arrested for reportedly shooting Ky. KFC drive-thru window over missing fork, napkin

(Thanks to Stan Ruth)

WAIT... THEY CAN EXPLODE?

Exploding Iguana Population Making South Florida ‘Look Like Jurassic Park’

(Thanks to Asher Scheiner)

GUYS IN ACTION

Motorcyclist Checks Out Ladies On Street Corner, Crashes Into Car In Front Of Him

(Thanks to John Lobert)

TIME FOR A MAJOR BENEFIT CONCERT

Utah is officially out of bar licenses, and there may be only 3 new ones in 2020

Also: Michigan is running out of liquor.

(Thanks to Wiredog)

THE QUESTION IS, ARE THERE ANY AUSTRALIAN TOILETS THAT *DON'T* CONTAIN SNAKES

An Australian man has been left terrified after spotting a snake in his toilet bowl.

(Thanks to Peter Roman)

WE HAVE AVOIDED POSTING THIS, BUT PEOPLE KEEP SENDING IT IN...

So here.

THEY SHOULD NOT BE IN CIVILIAN HANDS

San Antonio man sues H-E-B after cashier allegedly whacked him with cucumber

(Thanks to Ralph)

HAVE A GREAT THANKSGIVING, EVERYBODY, BUT PLEASE REMEMBER ONE THING:

Swallow carefully.

(Thanks to pharmaross and John Lobert)

IT'S BEGINNING TO LOOK A LOT LIKE CHRISTMAS

2 Women Brawl At New Jersey ShopRite Over Accusations Of Too Many Items In Express Checkout Lane

MEANWHILE IN THE WORSENING WORLDWIDE EPIDEMIC OF TOILET SNAKES THAT NOBODY IS DOING ANYTHING ABOUT

Snake slithers out of toilet, bites Coral Springs man (on the arm)

(Thanks to John Gregg)

WHAT COULD POSSIBLY GO WRONG?

TESLA WANTS TO REPLACE WINDSHIELD WIPERS WITH LASERS

(Thanks to John Gregg)

THINGS YOU DID NOT LEARN IN HISTORY CLASS

This Nazi sub was sunk when its captain took a dump

(Thanks to Peter Roman)

SEND THIS PIG TO ALL THE CABLE NEWS NETWORKS

TV reporter pursued relentlessly by pig during live broadcast

(Thanks to Doug Ogg)

WE'RE GONNA NEED A BIGGER RULER

Scientists Haul Huge Great White Shark Onto Research Boat To Measure Penis

(Thanks to pharmaross)

FROM THAT HOTBED OF JOYFULNESS AND FESTIVITY, THE NEW BRUNSWICK DEPARTMENT OF HEALTH

‘Spread holiday cheer, not gonorrhea,’ Canadian health officials warn

(Thanks to Michael Parry and Allen at Division)

GO FIGURE

The Poop Cafe failed a recent inspection by Toronto food police

(Thanks to Asher Scheiner)

MOO

Cows wearing VR headsets might produce better milk

(Thanks to Asher Scheiner, who says "They also look cooler.")

THANK GOD FOR SURVEYS

Nudists are just like us, but without clothes, survey says

(Thanks to Asher Scheiner)

MEANWHILE ABROAD

Speaking on condition of strict anonymity a Fudu Secondary School teacher said goblins had turned them into sex slaves.

(Thanks to Ralph)

O THE HUMANITY

Cops mourn Krispy Kreme doughnuts that fell from truck

(Thanks to Suzie Q Wacvet and Doug Ogg)

WHAT’S THAT SMELL?

Man stuck garlic clove in ear in bid to get rid of infection, left it for 2 months, report says

(Thanks to John Lobert)

LET'S SEE THE ROOMBA TACKLE THIS BAD BOY

Mass. State Police Tested Out Boston Dynamics’ Spot The Robot Dog.

(Thanks to Mark Schlesinger and Allen at Division)

THE TAKEOVER HAS BEGUN

Police called after Roomba vacuum sucks up dog in Ballwin

(Thanks to Mark Schleisnger and Kim Michel)

AUSTRALIAAAAAAAA

Australian Man Films Horrifyingly Large Huntsman Spider Carrying Dead Mouse Up the Fridge

(Thanks to Bob Brogan)

SOME NAMES *DEMAND* TO BE VANDALIZED

This is one of them.

(Thanks to Allen at Division)

SHE HAD HER REASONS

A blonde woman in Germany walked into a PlayStation store and urinated all over their gaming consoles

(Thanks to pharmaross)

Related: Florida man in Christmas pajamas pees in RSW terminal

(Thanks to Charles Cates)

UNCLEAR ON THE CONCEPT

Largo police arrested 56-year-old Sergio Ferreira on a charge of driving under the influence Friday night. The man’s car had a “Don’t Drink & Drive” bumper sticker, according to an arrest report filed by the police department.

(Thanks to pharmaross)

WHILE WEARING 'EXOTIC DANCER' SHOES

Clearwater exotic dancer arrested after kicking club manager in genitals, police say

(Thanks to pharmaross)

MARK YOUR CALENDAR

Deadly ‘God of Chaos’ space rock capable of killing millions could hit Earth on 10 different dates

(Thanks to Suzie Q Wacvet)

BRILLIANT

Greensboro Man Creates Dating App Where He's The Only Guy Allowed

(Thanks to Asher Scheiner)

THANKSGIVING, DUDE

Pass the gravy.

(Thanks to Le Petomane and Michael Parry)

WOOF

Research Has Found That People Who Talk To Pets Are Smarter Than Those Who Don’t

(Thanks to Matt Filar)

YOU HEARD HER

Check your exhaust pipes for condoms, Moorhead woman says

(Thanks to Ralph)

CHECK OUT THE SUSPECT'S NAME, WHICH THIS BLOG IS NOT MAKING FUN OF

Accused Gables Burglar Swam Through Canal to Evade Officers: PD

BECAUSE THAT WAS THE DIRECTION TO FLORIDA

Chihuahua drives across 4 lane road after putting car in reverse

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)