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October 26, 2019

YOU KNOW THE CONTINENT

Snorkeling grandmothers reveal large deadly sea snake population in popular bay

(Thanks to Fred Preller, who asks “But who did they open for?”)

October 25, 2019

WHO SAYS SENIORS CAN’T HAVE FUN?

Not this blog.

(Thanks to John Lobert)

IT’S SO HARD TO GET GOOD HELP THESE DAYS

Hitman hires hitman who hires hitman who hires hitman who hires hitman who tells police

(Thanks to John Gregg and Another Ralph)

MILESTONES IN EMOTIONAL SUPPORT

Flight delayed at Gatwick because of 'bulldogs wearing tutus'

(Thanks to Ralph)

THANKS, SCIENTISTS

Can dancing the Macarena really fight jet lag? Scientists think so

(Thanks to pharmaross, who says “If people in Coach start doing the Macarena at 35,000 feet, I"m packing a parachute in my carry-on and sitting in the emergency exit row.”)

‘I WANTED TO GET SOME HAPPY MEALS’

A McDonald’s customer was hit in the face with a blender thrown by an employee after she went into the Ohio store to complain about an incorrect order.

(Thanks to Rod Nunley)

AWW

Man saves his nail clippings for a year and turns them into engagement ring

(Thanks to John Lobert)

WHAT DOES THIS BUTTON DO, DUDE?

Marijuana Found at North Dakota Nuclear Missile Facility

(Thanks to carv)

GUYS IN ACTION

Tennessee man grows 910-pound pumpkin, turns it into boat

(Thanks to Charles Cates)

SOMETIMES WE CANNOT HELP OURSELVES

Uranus Opens And Closes Every Day To Let Out Hot Wind, According To Scientists

(Thanks to Stan Ruth)

October 24, 2019

YOU SAY ‘LAZY.’ WE SAY ‘INTELLIGENT.’

Lazy horse plays dead every time people try to ride him

(Thanks to John Gregg)

BRILLIANT

British officials create 41-mile detour for 65-foot-long road closure

(Thanks to pharmaross)

WE’RE ON OUR WAY

Georgia town bets on giant bushy chicken to attract tourists

(Thanks to pharmaross)

GOODNESS, GRACIOUS... 30 BALLS OF FIRE

Electric scooter overheats, shooting off 30 balls of fire

(Thanks to Not My Usual Alias, who says “I, for one, would love to have flameballs coming out of my transportation method.”)

DEPARTMENT OF HEADLINES THAT WOULD HAVE MADE NO SENSE TEN YEARS AGO

Handcuffed woman who twerked her arresting officer faces charges

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)

SPORTS UPDATE FROM JAPAN

Competitive pillow fighting.

(Thanks to John Lobert)

WE HAVE SO MANY QUESTIONS

Florida inmate charged with feeding pet iguanas to alligator at sheriff's zoo

(Thanks to Le Petomane and DaninDallas)

MEANWHILE IN FLATHEAD COUNTY

12:46 a.m. A Kalispell man walked up to an ATM, pulled his pants down and just stood there. A police officer asked that he pull his pants up and move along.

(Thanks to Fabian Marson)

GUYS IN ACTION

Neighbors say a Westminster field fire was started by a man who used a firework to blow up a pumpkin.

(Thanks to Linda Schutjer)

FLORIDA: STATE OF ROMANCE

A Florida Man yesterday sexually assaulted a pair of “large stuffed animal toys” inside a Target store, according to police who arrested the fiend on a criminal mischief charge.

(Thanks to pharmaross, Steve Pudlo and Hayseed Tom, who asks “Is this where Beanie Babies come from?”)

MEOW

Martha Stewart Says Felicity Huffman 'Looked Pretty Schlumpy' in Her Prison Attire

(Thanks to Kevin Smith)

FOR THE HOLY GRAIL FANS ON YOUR HOLIDAY GIFT LIST

Here you go.

(Thanks to Kevin Meerschaert)

October 23, 2019

’TIS THE SEASON ALREADY?

‘Drunk Santa’ busted for burglary in California

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)

YOUR POINT?

Most parents steal from their kids’ Halloween candy, survey says

(Thanks to Ralph)

100 PERCENT LEGAL ON THE STREETS OF MIAMI

Scientists have trained rats to drive tiny cars to collect food

(Thanks to Asher Scheiner)

OR AT LEAST FLORIDA DRIVERS’ LICENSES

Lawyers argue Happy the elephant should have the same rights as humans

(Thanks to Asher Scheiner, who says “I would first discuss if lawyers should have the same right as humans.“) 

POLICE HAVE NOTHING TO GO ON

Underage man allegedly stole toilet seat from bar

Apparently there’s an age at which you can legally steal toilet seats.

(Thanks to Asher Scheiner)

GUY DADS IN ACTION

Mom spots terrifying 'ghost baby' in son's crib; says she 'could kill' husband after learning cause

(Thanks to David Knight)

ATTENTION, CRAZY PEOPLE:

Florida needs python hunters.

(Thanks to pharmaross)

WE’LL JUST GO TO A BAR, THANKS

Scariest haunted house in U.S. requires 40-page waiver, doctor’s note, safe word

(Thanks to Doug Ogg)

PLACED THERE BY THE SQUIRRELS

A shipment of 900 brand new Mercedes-Benz cars has been stopped from entering the country and ordered back to its port of origin after a rare snail was found.

(Thanks to Rod Nunley)

THE PRIZE: A FLORIDA DRIVER’S LICENSE

1,000-year-old gnarled oak that was mentioned in the Domesday Book is named Britain's Tree Of The Year

(Thanks to Rod Nunley)

October 22, 2019

OR, NOT

You can now ask to keep the tattoos and skin of a loved one when they die

(Thanks to pharmaross and John Lobert)

‘HE WAS JUST VERY PROUD OF HIS SNAKES’

Bag of snakes brings new library policy in Madison County

(Thanks to Not My Usual Alias)

SPORTSPERSON OF THE WEEK SO FAR

One of India's most wanted tiger poachers, who also had a fetish for eating the penis of sloth bears, has been arrested after being on the run for six years, officials said.

(Thanks to pharmaross)

SURELY THERE IS A PERFECTLY INNOCENT EXPLANATION

Man arrested with 57 pairs of St. Edwards students’ underwear in his car

(Thanks to pharmaross)

ALL THREE HAVE VALID DRIVERS’ LICENSES

Florida venomous snake eats another snake as giant wasp attacks in wild video

(Thanks to Rod Nunley and Le Petomane)

WE’RE STILL WAITING FOR SOME HUMAN BRAINS TO DO THIS

Scientists worry lab-grown human ‘mini-brains’ may become sentient

(Thanks to DaninDallas and Mark Schlesinger)

WHAT’S THAT SMELL?

How Scientists Are Recreating Dinosaur Breath

(Thanks to Doug Ogg)

October 21, 2019

BOLO

Thieves steal 'strategically placed' foliage from naked Birth of Venus sculpture - leaving arts centre visitors saying they 'don't know where to look'

(Thanks to Doug Ogg)

THE NEWS FROM ABROAD

In a bizarre incident that has left villagers in Mkuze Village under Chief Mkoka in Gokwe South shell-shocked, women at a funeral wake miraculously woke up without their panties last week.

This has been The News From Abroad.

(Thanks to Ralph)

HOW DOES A REAL GUY KILL ANTS?

This is how.

(Thanks to Roberto)

IN THAT CASE, SIR, YOU ARE FREE TO SPEED AWAY

Man says 'nuh-uh' when urged to end high speed chase, police say

(Thanks to Katherine Pelinovich)

DOO-DAH, DOO-DAH

Why Do Pigeons Bob Their Heads?

(Thanks to Matt Filar)

THE WORD IS ‘HERO’

A Man's Body Brewed Beer in His Gut

(Thanks to Violet)

October 19, 2019

THEY'RE UPGRADING TO FAX MACHINES

Military has phased out the use of floppy disks to coordinate nuclear launches

(Thanks to pharmaross)

WE'RE WITH THEM

He called the fire department, but firefighters said the snake was "big" and left, Siemon said.

(Thanks to Doug Ogg)

WE SAW ENT OPEN FOR ELO

British soldier jailed for excessive nipple twisting

(Thanks to Peter M)

WHY?

Anheuser-Busch InBev has accused rival brewer Miller Coors of obtaining the secret recipes for Bud Light and Michelob Ultra

(Thanks to Le Petomane, who says "Wouldn't just letting them have the recipe be getting even?")

WHY THE HELL NOT?

Team Builds A Massive 3,168 Square Foot Ouija Board

(Thanks to John Lobert, who wants to send it to Washington)

 
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