« September 2019 | Main

October 17, 2019

KIND OF LIKE THE GOVERNMENT

Paris zoo unveils the "blob", an organism with no brain but 720 sexes

(Thanks to Ralph)

APOCALYPSE UPDATE

Britain’s “Meat the Family” is asking carnivorous families to adopt and raise animals that might soon go to slaughter — unless they pledge to stop eating meat for good, reports the Guardian. If they don’t, they’ll be forced to eat their own pet.

(Thanks to Doug Ogg)

ON A STALKING CHARGE

Man dressed as giant broccoli arrested by police at Extinction Rebellion protests

(Thanks to Charles Cates and Roberto)

THE MIAMI DOLPHINS NEED THIS BULL

Escaped bull interrupts soccer game in Argentina

(Thanks to Doug Ogg)

YOU’D THINK HE’D BE ALL FOR IT

A Pensacola woman was arrested after she allegedly forced her husband to sign divorce papers at gunpoint.

(Thanks to pharmaross)

WE’RE GUESSING HE’S SINGLE

Macaroni and cheese addict: Florida man has eaten almost nothing else for 17 years

Shocker: Davis lives with his grandparents

(Thanks to pharmaross)

TOTALLY JUSTIFIED

A Washington state man was charged with a felony assault after police say he attacked his roommate believing he acknowledged being a vampire.

(Thanks to Doug Ogg)

THE HORROR

Wisconsin police seek public’s help after discovering ‘severely mangled’ donuts in dark parking lot

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson and Ralph)

October 16, 2019

HE HAD NO CHOICE

James Dinkins, 73, was arrested on a misdemeanor assault charge after police said he slapped the Yankees fan in the back of the head at Minute Maid Park. The unidentified Yankees fan was just cheering for his team at one point during the game, police said.

(Thanks to Kevin Smith)

GUESS WHERE

Two Idiots Driving A Golf Cart On The Highway

(Thanks to Peter M)

BUMMER, DUDE

Chaves County deputies arrested a crook with a truckload of what he thought were marijuana plants. Instead, they say the suspect stole a huge pile of hemp plants, which you can’t smoke.

(Thanks to Le Petomane)

Related: How do you destroy $77M worth of pot?

(Thanks to The Perts)

WHAT COULD POSSIBLY GO WRONG?

How to Build a Leaf Blower Hovercraft

(Thanks to John Gregg)

October 15, 2019

PAGING ROTO-ROOTER

13-foot-long king cobra yanked out of sewer drain in Thailand

(Thanks to DaninDallas, who says "How did it get there from Australia?")

WE SAW UNDECLARED PORK OPEN FOR THE RAMONES

Australia bans Vietnamese tourist for bringing suitcase filled with undeclared pork

(Thanks to Rod Nunley)

ALWAYS THE LAST PLACE YOU LOOK

If you’ve lost a massive bag of dildos they’ve been found in Somerset

(Thanks to John Lobert and Ralph)

ATTENTION, BARGAIN-HUNTERS:

Here you go.

(Thanks to Not My Usual Alias, who says "What child wouldn't be thrilled to look out on the holiday of their choice to see a Concrete Batch Plant!")

WE'LL GET RIGHT ON IT, DUDE

Florida man calls 911 to say roommate ‘stole his weed’

(Thanks to Fabian Marson and pharmaross)

KEEP YOUR HEAD DOWN

Huge 111ft asteroid to skim past Earth at 22,000mph TODAY in rock’s ‘closest encounter for 115 years’

(Thanks to The Perts and Suzie Q Wacvet)

AND IN SPORTS

Young polar bear spotted on baseball diamond in Churchill, Man.

(Thanks to The Perts)

AW

Firefighters calm girl's fears after car crash by allowing her to paint their fingernails

(Thanks to Woozy Barnes)

October 14, 2019

FASHION UPDATE

Yes, it's impractical and expensive, but on the flip side it's also very ugly.

(Thanks to Roberto)

BRILLIANT

'Let me out, it's ****ing dark in here!' Irish funeral bursts into laughter when pre-recorded message of dead man calling out from his coffin is played

(Thanks to Doug Ogg)

ROLE OF A LIFETIME

Actor Andy Serkis is lending his vocal talents to a new fatberg prevention campaign that sees him play the part of a talking anus

(Thanks to Doug Ogg and pharmaross)

JUST IN TIME FOR HALLOWEEN

Toto is now selling edible toilets, in miniature, chocolate form.

(Thanks to Ralph)

ONE WAS SIGNED BY KIEFER SUTHERLAND

Nearly 200,000 bras being linked in Rhode Island for world record

(Thanks to Suzie Q Wacvet, who says "Mine isn't one of them.")

IMPORTANT BREAKTHROUGH IN THE ONGOING VITAL EFFORT TO IMPROVE THE MATH SKILLS OF BEES

Bees are better at math when they're punished for the wrong answer, a new study finds

(Thanks to Le Petomane)

ATTENTION, OREGON STATE HIGHWAY DIVISION:

Sperm whale washes up on Brit coast leading to fears of carcass exploding

(Thanks to Ralph)

ADVISORY

Headed to the Smokies? Look out for the 'Cow Killer Ants'

(Thanks to Bill Hudgins, who says they toured with Meat Loaf)

KEEP DRIVING, MEN

Weener Cutoff Rd.

(Thanks to B'game, who says "I took that photo on the Alsea Highway (AKA Highway 34), mile 53, west of Philomath, Oregon.")

Vaguely Related: Repaired section of the Dick & Willie Trail reopens

(Thanks to pharmaross)

October 13, 2019

SEEMS LEGIT

An underage University of Iowa student was arrested early Friday after police reported he possessed a “fake Hawaii ID with the name ‘McLovin,’” in his wallet.

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)

AUSTRALIAN WILDLIFE REPORT

Hikers left 'uncomfortable' after encountering man jogging in pink thong

(Thanks to pharmaross)

‘AMAZING’ IS ONE WORD FOR IT

Pa. baker creates amazing life-sized deer cake for wedding

(Thanks to Kevin Meerschaert)

We assume it has a red syrupy filling.

APOCALYPSE UPDATE

Experts Warn of Looming Bacon Shortage

(Thanks to Barry Nester)

DOO-DAH, DOO-DAH

Orlando’s fuzzy balls are back

(Thanks to pharmaross)

MEN:

Do NOT click here.

(Thanks to pharmaross)

LOVE IS IN THE AIR, IN THE AIR AND ALL AROUND

Thousands of tarantulas are emerging from the ground in the San Francisco Bay Area, looking for mates

(Thanks to Rick Day)

October 12, 2019

A FLORIDA LICENSE IS ON THE WAY...

...along with a pillow.

(Thanks to John Lobert)

IT’S A SIGN

Beer all over Mormon church parking lot after truck crashes

(Thanks to pharmaross, Doug Ogg and Ralph)

CLOSE ENOUGH

Bride ordered peacock-themed wedding cake but got a ‘lopsided turkey with leprosy’

(Thanks to MOTW)

WE SAW THEM OPEN FOR THE COWSILLS

Durian stink causes Rouge 767 emergency landing

(Thanks to Jay Brandes)

AND IN SPORTS

San Diego Padres pitcher Jacob Nix was arrested Sunday for criminal trespassing after trying to get into an Arizona house through a doggy door, prompting a resident of the home to kick him and use a stun gun on him, according to police.

Shocker: Nix told police that he thought he was at his own home, even though he doesn't have a doggy door and usually enters through the front door. He could not explain and would not elaborate further why he tried to enter someone else's house. Court documents said he was under the influence of drugs or alcohol.

(Thanks to Kevin Meerschaert)

A FLORIDA LAWSUIT IS ON THE WAY

Portland has the worst drivers in the country, report says

(Thanks to B’game)

October 11, 2019

AWW

Bride incorporates late father's ashes into wedding nails, uses 'tiny bits of bone fragment' for glittery look

(Thanks to Al Barkafski, who says “Dad will be there on the wedding night!”)

BOLO

Wildlife officials warn public to kill ‘land-dwelling’ fish on sight

(Thanks to Not My Usual Alias)

IN THAT CASE, MA’AM...

Catlett then allegedly told police that if she "pops hot" – likely a reference to testing positive for drugs – it was because Furr fed her a meth sandwich.

(Thanks to pharmaross)

WHEREAS DOGS WOULD HAVE LICKED THE BURGLAR

Cat cafe burglarized in Alabama, and the cats did what cats do: absolutely nothing

(Thanks to Jim Perth, John Criswell, Le Petomane and Geoff)

OBJECTION

Convicted bank robber makes 5-day closing speech to court

(Thanks to pharmaross)

‘IS THIS YOUR TURD?’

Springfield, Mo. police enforce dog poop cleanup with flags

(Thanks to pharmaross and Doug Ogg)

SHE CLAIMED A ‘FRIEND’ GAVE IT TO HER

Woman allegedly steals building, tries to sell it on Facebook Marketplace

(Thanks to Allen at Division)

October 10, 2019

BETTER THAN SEASHELLS

Family on SC vacation pulls 44 pounds of cocaine from ocean

(Thanks to pharmaross)

 
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