Dave Barry's Blog

TERROR ALERT

University library overrun with people in Spider-Man costumes

(Thanks to pharmaross)

WAIT... THE *DENTIST* GETS THE CERTIFICATE?

A German dentist received a Guinness World Records certificate this week after pulling a 1.46-inch tooth from the mouth of a patient.

(Thanks to pharmaross)

BOLO

A Missouri man believed to have robbed a laundromat was caught on camera sporting a T-shirt that read, "It's not a crime unless you get caught."

(Thanks to John Lobert)

THEY WON'T GET FAR ON FOOT

1-ton boulder stolen from national forest in Arizona

(Thanks to pharmaross)

GUYS IN ACTION

Bicyclist Tries To Open Beer On Front Fork While Riding

(Thanks to John Lobert)

IT'S WIN-WIN, DUDE

Binge drinkers could be protected from liver problems by cannabis

(Thanks to pharmaross)

THE SCIENCE IS SETTLED

The nutritionists' case for not setting limits on Halloween candy

(Thanks to The Perts)

FOR THOSE OF YOU WHO REMEMBER THE AMAZING STEVE'S AMAZINGLY FAST AND FUNNY EPISODE RECAPS BACK WHEN WE USED TO LIVE-BLOG '24'....

...here's how he did it:

Hey Dave, I was thinking about the last time we met and what you said about the speed at which I wrote the 24 recaps. I thought I'd drop you a note to explain how I did it.

My main goal was to get something posted as soon as possible after the show ended.

I started writing as soon as the show started, paused the DVR when I needed to, and fast-forwarded through the commercials.  The broadcast time for a one hour show is about forty minutes, so this gave me twenty an "extra" minutes to write. I'd send the first half-hour to a friend to read through while the show was still playing to fix any grammatical errors.  When the second half was finished, I'd send that to him.  After getting fixing any mistakes, I'd post about thirty minutes after the show ended.

I'd do the same thing for the two-hour episodes, but with those, I'd be ready to post the first-hour recap after the entire two-hour episode ended.  (The second hour would take me another hour to finish and post). So, I think it seemed as though I wrote much more quickly than I did since I posted that first-hour recap immediately after the show ended.

I think did one or two recaps "live" (since I was on a business trip a couple of times), but those were very condensed and very difficult to keep pace with.

At times I wish I'd gotten the shows in advance, but I bet I would have overanalyzed what I was writing, instead of putting down the first thing that occurred to me and moving on.

So basically, no magic tricks.  It just boiled down to a DVR, a pause button, and sheer deadline panic.

Take care,

Steve

SPOOKY

Ghostbusters car is taken by spirits.

(Thanks to Peter M)

SEND HIM TO WASHINGTON

10-year-old from Glastonbury gets called for jury duty

(Thanks to Doug Ogg and pharmaross)

ALL THE MAJOR FOOD GROUPS

Bear raids sausages, Cool Whip from Florida family's freezer

(Thanks to Doug Ogg)

COCO'S BIG ADVENTURE

Dog struck by car rides inside bumper for miles

(Thanks to Doug Ogg)

SOUNDS LEGIT

Shocking X-ray shows 28 magnetic beads stuck in a man's bladder after the 58-year-old inserted them into his penis 'while he was dreaming'

(Thanks to pharmaross)

IT'S GONNA BE A FUN WEDDING

Mt. Pleasant woman in jail after running over future mother-in-law

(Thanks to pharmaross)

RUN FAST AND RUN FAR, 52-YEAR-OLD BOYFRIEND

Woman, 31, who's identified as a CAT since her teenage years claims being able to 'climb, drink from a bowl, and wear a collar' brings her closer to her 52-year-old boyfriend

(Thanks to Doug Ogg)

*WE'RE* NOT SAYING THIS. *SCIENCE* IS SAYING THIS.

Men are funnier than women, study claims

(Thanks to Matt Filar)

AND IN SPORTS

Quality, supply of pink balls a big concern for BCCI

(Thanks to pharmaross)

RIP, DUDE

German mourners accidentally served hash cake at funeral

(Thanks to pharmaross)

BRILLIANT

Nebraska man tries to open bank account with fake $1M bill

(Thanks to Le Petomane, Doug Ogg, John Lobert, Bill Hudgins and pharmaross)

SPORTSPERSON OF THE WEEK SO FAR

Kansas man hits bass with his truck

(Thanks to Rod Nunley and Le Petomane, who says "Kansas man had better have both a fishing and hunting license.")

EVERY SINGLE ONE CLUTCHING A TINY BUT VALID FLORIDA DRIVER'S LICENSE

Human-Size Blob Drifts by Divers. And It's Packed with Hundreds of Thousands of Baby Squid.

(Thanks to Jay Brandes)

'SHE JUST BEAT THE SNOT OUT OF HER'

Two women come to blows over man on Oklahoma highway

(Thanks to Unholy Slacker)

SPAWN OF SATAN UPDATE

Squirrel got loose in an Alabama church

(Thanks to Allen at Division, Bob Brogan and Bill Hudgins)

IT JUST MIGHT WORK

Phone Sex Line Number Printed As Suicide Hotline On Middle School Student ID Cards

(Thanks to Asher Scheiner and John Lobert)

THOSE THINGS SHOULD NOT BE IN CIVILIAN HANDS

During the fight, Martinez allegedly grabbed a crucifix from the wall and socked her mother in the head with it, according to the report.

(Thanks to Doug Ogg)

FESTIVE!

Toilet paper expected to be a top seller on Black Friday

(Thanks to Asher Scheiner)

JUST A BALONEY SANDWICH FOR US, THANKS

The Alien of Ariake Sea – Japan’s Xenomorph-Like Delicacy

(Thanks to Ralph)

THERE IS NOTHING LOWER THAN A LEMUR RUSTLER

Man gets prison for stealing lemur from California zoo

(Thanks to Doug Ogg)

THE NEWS FROM ENGLAND

Vagina museum gets alcohol licence

This has been The News From England.

(Thanks to pharmaross)

MEN:

Do not click here.

(Thanks to pharmaross)

A FLORIDA MARINE LICENSE IS ON THE WAY

A girlfriend was teaching her boyfriend how to drive when the car sank into a pond Sunday evening, according to the West Des Moines Fire Department.

(Thanks to Rudolph)

THE WORD IS 'HERO'

Baseball Fan Takes Home Run Ball To The Chest To Avoid Dropping His Beers

(Thanks to John Lobert)

NOPE

These candy corn jello shots will be the hit of your Halloween party

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson, who adds "if you like to watch people vomit.")

WE ARE NOW AT DEFCON ONE

A Russian security researcher said she accidentally found a way to hack and take over all Xiaomi pet feeders located across the world.

(Thanks to Dave N.)

DUDE

Ex-prisoner has a rubber balloon full of cannabis removed from his nose 18 YEARS after he put it there to smuggle it past guards

(Thanks to Doug Ogg)

WE'RE NOT WORRIED, BECAUSE IT POSSESSES A VALID FLORIDA DRIVER'S LICENSE

A 2,000-pound great white shark is swimming off the coast of Florida

Related: A shark bit a surfer in Florida after the man jumped on the animal over the weekend, according to officials.

(Thanks to pharmaross)

CSI: CHAGRIN FALLS

An officer stopped a driver after seeing a car full of pumpkins 10:25 p.m. Oct 8. The teen driver and her passengers said they only stole from Chagrin Falls homes

(Thanks to Stever)

WHAT’S THAT SMELL?

In this remote Swiss town, residents spent a lifetime aging a wheel for their own funeral.

(Thanks to Chris)

A GIANT LEAP FOR PERSONKIND

Samsung pseudo satellite falls out of the sky, lands in rural Michigan neighborhood

In an article from Samsung Newsroom U.K., the Samsung SpaceSelfie project is designed for Samsung consumers to get their pictures with a backdrop of space using a high-altitude balloon to carry a Galaxy S10 5G phone into the stratosphere.

(Thanks to Kevin Meerschaert, Doug Ogg, Not My Usual Alias and EricY, who asks "Did it take a selfie of it crashing?")

WE DON'T KNOW WHETHER THIS IS GOOD OR BAD

Australian water rats have learned to eat invasive poisonous toads with 'surgical precision'

(Thanks to Le Petomane)

WE DON’T WANT TO KNOW

...millennials reveal why they are selling vintage underwear online

(Thanks to Doug Ogg)

WHATEVER IT TAKES

Humans Are Gobbling Up Acorns, Driving Squirrels Nuts

(Thanks to Emily, Leslie and w and Asher Scheiner)

CSI: IDAHO

5-foot-long shark replica stolen from Nampa business

(Thanks to Craig Roberts)

CANADA: LAND OF EXCITEMENT

Toilet enthusiast documents the most interesting washrooms in the Maritimes

(Thanks to The Perts)

THE PERFECT CRIME

A Seattle man broke into an office building, ate $200 worth of chocolate, and collapsed in a sugar coma

(Thanks to Janice Gelb)

‘EDMONDS TOLD THEM HE HAD BEEN DRINKING BEER AND DIDN’T MEAN TO HIT THE BUILDING’

Man caught on camera testing new tires crashes into Michigan gas station before fleeing scene

(Thanks to Asher Scheiner and Violet)

TO NOBODY’S SURPRISE

Grey squirrels have been revealed to be the mystery culprits behind serious damage to a National Trust art collection at Charlecote Park in Warwickshire.

(Thanks to Susie Q Wacvet)

THE ONLY RATIONAL RESPONSE

Woman drives motorhome into casino after she's kicked out

(Thanks to Doug Ogg)

WITH EVERY PASSING DAY, THE DEFINITION OF ‘NEWS’...

...gets a little broader.

(Thanks to Kevin Meerschaert)

WE BLAME INSTRAGRAM

Migrating Russian eagles run up huge data roaming charges

(Thanks to Not My Usual Alias, Janice Gelb and Alan Kubbs)