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October 19, 2019

THEY'RE UPGRADING TO FAX MACHINES

Military has phased out the use of floppy disks to coordinate nuclear launches

(Thanks to pharmaross)

WE'RE WITH THEM

He called the fire department, but firefighters said the snake was "big" and left, Siemon said.

(Thanks to Doug Ogg)

WE SAW ENT OPEN FOR ELO

British soldier jailed for excessive nipple twisting

(Thanks to Peter M)

WHY?

Anheuser-Busch InBev has accused rival brewer Miller Coors of obtaining the secret recipes for Bud Light and Michelob Ultra

(Thanks to Le Petomane, who says "Wouldn't just letting them have the recipe be getting even?")

WHY THE HELL NOT?

Team Builds A Massive 3,168 Square Foot Ouija Board

(Thanks to John Lobert, who wants to send it to Washington)

VITAMIN C

46 pounds of cocaine found hidden in shipment of oranges in Florida

(Thanks to pharmaross)

IS THERE A PROBLEM, OFFICER?

A Franklin County patrol deputy saw an unusual sight last week: a car driving down the road with a street sign sticking out of the front.

This is right out of Reno 911:

The video jumps forward to Ferrell outside of the vehicle and the deputy asking him how much he’s had to drink.

“Two….mellow bellows,” Ferrell struggled to say.

“Mellow Yellows?” the deputy responded.

“No…nobody drinks ‘em, so they don’t know how to pronounce them,” Ferrell said, before exclaiming, “Malibus! Twenty-one percent – two Malibus.”

“Two bottles?” the deputy asked.

“Two crates,” Ferrell responded.

“Pints?” the officer suggested.

“If that,” Ferrell said.

(Thanks to pharmaross)

ENOUGH TO KEEP THE DOCTOR AWAY FOR 60 YEARS

Farming family says someone stole 22,000 apples from their orchard

(Thanks to pharmaross)

 
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