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September 19, 2019

THIS BE WHY THEY MAKE BEER, ME HEARTIES

Can you get cancer from tap water? New study says even 'safe' drinking water poses risk

(Thanks to Rod Nunley)

IT'S PARRRT OF THE JOB

A former aide to an upstate legislator has filed a human rights complaint accusing his boss of ordering him to wear a leprechaun costume and pull a candy wagon in a parade, according to a report.

(Thanks to Doug Ogg)

SOLID ARRRGUMENT

Attorneys for a Mexican migrant who assaulted a Laredo Sector Border Patrol agent told the court he believed the agent was a cow at the time. He assaulted the agent with a flashlight.

(Thanks to Asher Scheiner)

DARRRRN

UAB AD Mark Ingram quickly learned that bringing a Komodo dragon to campus was a bad idea

“They said, ‘They spit at their prey and the spit causes paralysis. So, you know, they can go and eat it.’ I said, ‘So this is a bad idea is what you’re saying?’

(Thanks to Allen at Division)

CRISIS IN ARRRGENTINA

Argentina crisis deflates condom sales as costs rise

(Thanks to Kevin Smith and Rod Nunley)

STAND TALL, FARRRMINGTION HILLS

A Guinness World Record attempt for the world's largest ball of lint will take place Thursday in Farmington HIlls.

(Thanks to pharrrrmaross and Nelson from Michigan)

ASIDE FROM THAT, SHE BE A FINE SEAWARRRTHY SHIP

A new, Spanish-designed submarine has a weighty problem: The vessel is more than 70 tons too heavy, and officials fear if it goes out to sea, it will not be able to surface.

(Thanks to John Gregg)

SMARRRRT

Man installs 'fridge safe' to stop girlfriend eating his snacks

(Thanks to Ralph)

IT HAD A FLARRRRIDA DRIVER'S LICENSE

Police were called to a California home. They found a mountain lion trapped in the bathroom.

(Thanks to Steve K and The Perts)

GLOBAL CLIMATE CHANGE, ME HEARTIES

Cowdray Park residents have  been plunged into fear and shock after mysterious beings  believed to be goblins struck their window panes and asbestos roofing sheets during the night, leaving a trail of destruction.

(Thanks to Ralph)

BABY BE NEEDIN' 216,000 NEW PAIRS O' SHOES, ME HEARTIES

On Friday, September 13, a truck bound for the Georgia-based tabletop and video game company Trivium Studios took a turn too sharply, spilling 216,000 gaming dice onto Interstate 75 in Atlanta in what could be the biggest unintentional dice roll ever.

(Thanks to Bill Hudgins)

THAT'LL WIN HER BACK

Pennsylvania man dropped explosives on ex-girlfriend's property from a drone: prosecutors

(Thanks to Rod Nunley and Jay Brandes)

IT BE TRUE

If you turn the Chicago bulls logo upside down it’s a robot having sex with a crab

(Thanks to Asher Scheiner)

THIS BE A DARRRRN GOOD NAME FOR A BAND

Entire company locked out of office for days because of rogue umbrella

(Thanks to wanderer2575 and The Perts)

AHOY, ME HEARTIES!

Today be IntARRRnational Talk Like a Pirate Day! Here be the official site, and here be the Wikipedia arrrrticle. Here be the original column. Here and here be lists of freebies. Remember, me hearties: There be many stupid fake holidays, but Talk Like a Pirate Day definitely be one of them. So get out there and swash them buckles!

 
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