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September 13, 2019

IN THAT CASE, SIR, PERMIT US TO GIVE YOU A RIDE

An Armstrong County man suspected of driving under the influence Wednesday in New Kensington told police he tried to run away because he was wanted on a warrant, but was “too fat” to get away.

(Thanks to D.E.)

AUSTRALIAN CRIMEFIGHTING SEAL OF THE WEEK SO FAR

Alleged drug gang thwarted by giant seal in $1bn Australian drug bust

(Thanks to John Lobert)

YOU'RE ALWAYS THE LAST PLACE YOU LOOK

Missing woman "finds herself" after intense search

This is wonderful:

When she returned to the bus in a different outfit, the rest of her tour group did not recognize her. Then when a description of the "missing person" was offered - Asian, in dark clothing and speaks English well - the woman seemingly also did not recognize the description as of herself,  so she began to assist the others in searching.

(Thanks to Not My Usual Alias)

SEND THIS MONKEY TO WASHINGTON

Monkey vomits on Sea of Thieves devs during Twitch stream

(Thanks to pharmaross)

WHY THE QUOTATION MARKS? HE LOOKS LEGIT TO US!

"Captain America" Caught Trying To Burglarize Mississippi Property, Cops Report"

(Thanks to Bill Hudgins)

O THE HUMANITY

Cases and cases of beer spilled out of a semi-tractor early Wednesday morning on a South Dakota highway.

(Thanks to pharmaross)

NAIROBI PARLIAMENT TACKLES THE ISSUES

“There is one irritant that is often ignored and this is the level of farting within the aircraft. There are passengers, who literary irritate fellow passengers by passing bad smell and uncomfortable fart. If there is anyone given irritant that makes people fight on board, it is the fart, it is terrible within the plane,” Dr Gogo said.

"Literary?"

(Thanks to Unholy Slacker)

'YOU ARE NOW FREE TO.... YEOW!!!'

A transatlantic flight was forced to divert to the Republic of Ireland because a pilot spilled a cup of coffee on the aircraft's controls, it has emerged.

(Thanks to pharmaross)

SOMEBODY NEEDS A CHANGE OF UNDERWEAR

A pair of skydivers narrowly avoided colliding with two US fighter planes traveling at almost 350 mph over the UK, a report has revealed.

(Thanks to pharmaross)

HEH

Argentina supermarket employees prank 'moron' who parked car in shopping cart section

(Thanks to pharmaross)

BOLO

Naked man with beer in hand evades police by vanishing in Region cornfield

(Thanks to Katherine Pelinovich)

(Your "stalker" joke goes here.)

DO NOT MESS WITH THEM

The moment an Indian man is savagely beaten by his two wives after they found he was trying to illegally marry a THIRD woman

(Thanks to many people)

AND IN SPORTS

Tom Brady Reportedly Has A Habit Of Shoving A Towel In The Pants Of His Centers So They Don’t Sweat On Him During Games

(Thanks to Matt Filar)

THIS IS WHY YOU SHOULD QUIT AFTER YOUR 47TH

New Zealand man admits he smashed cars with ax after drinking 48 beers

(Thanks to John Lobert and pharmaross)

 
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