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August 20, 2019

MEANWHILE IN THAILAND

Virat Worasasirin, a Seri Ruam Thai party-list MP, ignited the debate over fecal matter when he chose parliamentary debate as the setting to point out the building’s lack of bidet sprays, which are commonly used instead of toilet paper.

Far be it from this blog to make note of the fact that the story is bylined “Tappanai Boonbandit.”

(Thanks to Ralph)

BECAUSE EVERYBODY SLEEPS BETTER WRAPPED IN TENTACLES

Strange blanket from Japan promises good night’s sleep with the help of tentacle-like noodles

(Thanks to Ralph)

NOW WITH ADDED PROTEIN`

A family found a living frog in a carton of organic salad greens.

(Thanks to Jay Brandes and pharmaross)

BUT WITH WHOM?

People Who Use More Emojis Have More Sex and Get More Dates

(Thanks to pharmaross and John Lobert)

August 19, 2019

WE’VE HAD BEER LIKE THAT

Wisconsin brewery recalls beer due to ‘risk of explosion’

(Thanks to pharmaross)

TRAITOR

Guy Builds Huge, Incredible Racetracks For Squirrels In His Backyard

(Thanks to Michael Myer)

DAMMIT, CHLOE, THERE’S *NO TIME*

Kiefer Sutherland Seriously Injured in Fall on Tour Bus, Postpones Singing Tour

(Thanks to Kevin Meerschaert)

August 18, 2019

YOU CAN RECOGNIZE THEM BY THEIR VALID FLORIDA DRIVERS' LICENSES

Dubliners Advised To Be On The Lookout For Drunk Pigeons

(Thanks to Ralph)

SIX OF ONE....

Woman thought she had kidney stones, gave birth to triplets

(Thanks to Scott Cramer)

CRUEL AND UNUSUAL

A New Jersey school district is considering a plan to punish students who owe more than $10 in lunch debt by serving them tuna sandwiches on whole wheat bread.

(Thanks to pharmaross)

WE SAW THEM OPEN FOR PHISH

The surprising merit of giant clam feces

(Thanks to pharmaross)

DO NOT MESS WITH THEM

A New Jersey woman is accused of torching a man's house after he invited her over for late-night sex, then fell asleep and did not hear her at his door.

(Thanks to Barry Nester)

IF THAT DOESN'T WIN HER HEART, WE DON'T KNOW WHAT WILL

Florida man uses front-end loader to dump dirt on car his girlfriend drove, cops say

(Thanks to Barry Nester, Jeff Meyerson, Ranald Adams, DaninDallas and Rod Nunley)

YOUR POINT?

A couple in Australia and their pet dog were attacked by a giant carnivorous lizard

(Thanks to Barry Nester)

August 17, 2019

MAYBE HE WAS GLAD TO SEE THEM

A Florida man walked into a fishing store. He left with a ‘large bulge,’ cops say

(Thanks to pharmaross)

OBJECTION, DUDE

A Jacksonville lawyer who insisted his clients could legally grow marijuana, only for them to later face numerous felony charges, must now pay them about $370,000 for his bad legal advice.

(Thanks to pharmaross)

THIS DOES NOT SOUND ROMANTIC

A seaside town is planning to install public toilets that will stop sexual activity by spraying amorous occupants with water and sounding an alarm.

(Thanks to Ron T)

WE KNOW THE FEELING

Supercapacitors turbocharged by laxatives

(Thanks to Asher Scheiner and Ralph)

AND IN SPORTS

Godzilla came to the plate prior to a baseball game in Japan recently.

(Thanks to Kevin Meerschaert, who says "Rodan is a better fielder.")

WE SAW V&DBV OPEN FOR THE RAMONES

Vomiting and defecating black vultures overrun New York couple's $700k Florida vacation home - and leave it smelling like 'a thousand rotting corpses'

(Thanks to Ralph, sysilvola, pharmaross and B'game)

A TOTALLY WARRANTED REACTION

Officers who responded to the scene last Sunday were told by witnesses the customer "pitched a fit" after not getting his Filet-o-Fish. After leaving the drive thru, the suspect exited his vehicle, grabbed a shopping cart and proceeded to bash it into the side of another person's car.

(Thanks to Rick Day)

SHE DOES NOT LOOK VERY REMORSEFUL

Scorned woman burns NJ man’s house down after he stood her up

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)

HE'S READY TO MOVE UP TO D.C.

An Indiana state lawmaker is accused of impersonating a police officer to find cocaine, driving while intoxicated and resisting arrest, according to prosecutors.

(Thanks to Chris Elzi)

IN FLORIDA...

...we call this parallel parking.

(Thanks to Mark Schlesinger)

THEREBY QUALIFYING FOR FLORIDA DRIVERS' LICENSES

Plants can tell time even without a brain

(Thanks to Rod Nunley, who says "So can politicians.")

August 16, 2019

HERO

DES MOINES, Iowa – Gracie Greiner did what any Iowa Pork Queen would do when faced with a sow that was having trouble birthing her last piglet: She jumped in and pulled the piglet out herself.

(Thanks to Rudolph)

WE'RE STAYING THE HELL OUT OF CALIFORNIA

Wild donkeys make a mess in California neighborhood

(Thanks to pharmarioss)

Bunnies are wreaking havoc on a California city

(Thanks to Le Petomane)

 

AMAZON?

Where Does the Fecal Transplant Industry Get its Poop?

(Thanks to Roberto)

ALWAYS THE LAST PLACE YOU LOOK

Newly discovered organ may be lurking under your skin

(Thanks to Le Petomane)

THE JOKES, THEY WRITE THEMSELVES

A New Species of Leech Is Discovered Near Washington, D.C

(Thanks to Dave N. and Chris Johnson)

ALONG WITH STONEHENGE

A public toilet in Hull has made a list of the top 500 travel experiences in the UK.

(Thanks to Ralph)

IT'S NEW YORK, SO NO BIGGIE

'Gigantic' Praying Mantis Stalks Subway Searching For Brains To Eat

(Thanks to Ralph)

FLORIDA WILDLIFE UPDATE

Snacking raccoon gets himself stuck in vending machine

(Thanks to Al Barkafski)

IT'S A GOOD THING THE DINOSAURS ARE ALL GONE

Asteroid warning: Space rock comparable to dinosaur killer is heading Earth’s way

(Thanks to Suzie Q Wacvet)

BRILLIANT

Popular Utah beer rejected by North Carolina because ‘polygamy is illegal’

(Thanks to Rod Nunley)

'AND I'LL HAVE A SIDE OF FRI... OUCH!'

Chip implanted in obese people's brains will zap them when they think about food

(Thanks to Chris Elzi, who says "So now I'll be fat AND in pain?")

CSI: FESTUS, MO.

Mysterious dolls popping up in Jefferson County

(Thanks to man tom)

OUR WHAT?

How Uranus' retrograde might affect your next few months

(Thanks to pharmaross)

August 15, 2019

WELL *THIS* SEEMS TOTALLY SANE

This woman implanted her Tesla Model 3's valet key into her arm

(Thanks to John Criswell and Rod Nunley, who says "It won't be fun when it comes time to trade it in.")

THIS IS A JOKE, RIGHT?

RIGHT??

SHE ALSO HAD MORE THAN 40 TURTLES

Fort Myers woman who pulled gator from pants during traffic stop receives probation

(Thanks to pharmaross)

TOTALLY PLAUSIBLE

Bangkok woman hospitalised after she falls over and a cucumber ended up inside her

(Thanks to Allen at Division)

AFTER A WHILE YOU GET TIRED OF HAVING TO BUILD THEM YOURSELF

Car thief Henry Ford arrested in Michigan

(Thanks to Le Petomane)

MEANWHILE IN FLATHEAD COUNTY

9:36 p.m. An elderly man was walking around town in sweatpants.

(Thanks to Roberto)

ATTENTION BARGAIN-HUNTERS

NASA Giving Away Apollo-Era Saturn Rocket to Anyone who can Carry it Out

(Thanks to Tom Kopec)

WE SAW THEM OPEN FOR THE COWSILLS

Jumping worms state’s latest invasive species

(Thanks to Dave N.)

GOOD TO KEEP BUSY

Driver contacted by State Patrol after found playing 'Pokemon Go' on 8 phones

(Thanks to B'game, Mark Buckley and John Criswell)

"I WAS LIKE, 'OH, NO, DO THE ANNOUNCEMENT'"

Man Gets Delta Plane All To Himself And, Of Course, He Filmed The Whole Thing

(Thanks to Rick Day)

HO HUM

Bloodthirsty squirrels are lurking in NYC park

(Thanks to DaninDallas)

THE SCIENCE IS SETTLED

Watching football IS good for you: Scientists discover fans get a 'cardio workout similar to a 90-minute brisk walk'

They're talking about soccer. But still. Science!

(Thanks to Lind Schutjer and Mark Schlesinger)

 
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