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August 30, 2019

#DavesHurricaneTips

Lentils

Bathroom

Sex

Missile

Margs

Cone

Inside

Ssn

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Comments

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Great tips! Right now all of us in the Carolinas are praying it doesn't take a right turn and head our way. Stay safe!

You forgot to mention throwing lawn furniture into the pool.

Dear Hurricane Expert,

Is it safe to assume the hurricane has a Florida license?

I swear I'm not making this up. It just started raining hard, and a woman whoo works for me asked if this was being caused by the hurricane.

We're in Arlington, Texas....

Save the whales.

Do people need to get things for the monkeys too? I believe you mentioned this in one of your hurricane articles.

I hope there is a plan in place to protect the pythons.

This one is shaping up to be worse than a titty-twister.

Now that we have a trained observer on the ground to experience a hurricane, maybe we can get an important question answered: Does a hurricane rotate counterclockwise in the Northern Hemisphere and clockwise in the Southern Hemisphere?

I asked a friend who was going to Australia if he would check and see if water in a toilet bowl swirled counterclockwise or clockwise when you flush in the Antipodes. Sadly, I never heard from him again.

Le Pet: Your friendship went down the drain?

The Simpsons did this very thing, back in the early 80's.

But what about the spinoff sharknados?

Maybe it is still time to nuke this hurricane. Or spray it with WD40, and this way it will start spinning much faster and hopefully fly away.

PirateBoy--I have known a few people in the geology business who went to Australia, but most never just disappeared.
There was a mining machinery salesman named Scotty who I got to know. He was a real character and an alcoholic, but a lot of fun to be around. I heard on his last trip to Australia he and some friends were drinking around the campfire when Scotty had to go pee. He made it maybe a 100 feet before he was bitten by a Death Adder.
His friends said that after writhing around in pain for days, that poor snake finally died.

Joke Geezer Bus pass to Le Pet, who at least wasn't asked to suck out the poison....

I see one important item missing : Kale!
Stock at least one large bag of kale per person per day.
Use the kale leaves (uncooked) to seal up any leaks in windows and doors during storm.
You can make foot coverings to protect your shoes from sludge and slime.
When your down to less than one cup of lentils per person Follow these directions:
1 In a large pot stuff in as much kale as possible
2 Add water to just cover kale
3 Bring to boil, then reduce heat and cover pot.
4 Leave pot cooking for at least 2 hours
5 Add one finely chopped leather wallet (without buckle) or 2 (empty) leather wallets (chopped)
6 Let cook for an additional four hours or until all liquid is cooked out (don't let pot burn!
7 set pot aside
8 Once the storm passes your area take pot outside
9 Place pot on a level surface
10 Add one half cup of lighter fluid or charcoal starter add one lit match
The stink and smoke will attract rescuers to help you.

Correction step five should read:
5 Add one finely chopped leather BELT(without buckle) or 2 (empty) leather wallets (chopped)

As of Saturday morning it looks that Dorian instead of hitting Dave will try to destroy nursecindy. Or maybe just the lobsters in Nova Scotia.

The potions and the chanting seem to be working.

I still think it was all the lawn furniture in all the pools that tipped the balance.

In Michigan we are going to have beautiful weather for the weekend. So you can always come here. Stay safe Dave.

Thanks for the update Qaz! It can just keep turning and go back out to sea because I don't have time for a hurricane right now.

It's not hurricane season until you've see your first on-location television news personage standing out in the storm to validate that wind blows, rain is wet.

Marc don't forget while they're standing out there they'll be telling everybody else to stay inside.

Never get between a hurricane and its cubs!

Be sure to put duct tape all over your windows, even if you live in Oklahoma. This will make a fun conversation piece for the next six weeks as you try to scrape off the glue.

A friend suggested filling their washer with ice and sodas for cold drinks. I counter suggested just adding two gallons of tequila and two gallons of margarita mix.

BAH! Nothing like a good ‘ole Texas tornado
,

No wait God, Just kidding hahahaha! Really.

Don't forget to fill up a few large plastic trash bags with air conditioned air for when the power is out.

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