Dave Barry's Blog

WE LIVE IN A GOLDEN AGE

“...each episode starts with the cannon-blasting of a mystery food dish into the faces of two blindfolded chefs. They’ll use their culinary prowess to identify the exploded dish and then race against the clock to recreate it. Whichever chef comes closest to the original dish wins a cash prize.”

(Thanks to Ralph)

‘NOTE THE WET SPOT OBSERVABLE ON THE MALE’S SHORTS’

Man urinates on Starbucks cups, coffee filters, and in employee sink before fleeing the store, police say

(Thanks to pharmaross)

WELL HOW THE HELL WAS HE SUPPOSED TO GET HOME?

Drunk Florida man drives Walmart courtesy scooter out of the store, then another mile, cops claim

(Thanks to pharmaross and Allen at Division)

AWW

TSA says traveler forgot snake at Newark security checkpoint

(Thanks to pharmaross)

NOW THE LITTLE FURRED TERRORIST BASTARDS ARE ATTACKING THE NATIONAL PASTTIME

Stray squirrel causes fear, panic in the Twins dugout

(Thanks to Ralph)

TODAY’S ACTIVE SENIORS

6 people — between 62 and 85 — arrested for alleged sexual activity in Conn. conservation area

(Thanks to many people, including Kevin Meerschaert, who says “Beats the hell out of pickleball.”)

GUYS IN ACTION

California man arrested after attempting to fix flats using 'gauze and Band-Aids'

(Thanks to Doug Ogg, Ralph, John Lobert, pharmaross, Rod Nunley and Kevin Meerschaert)

WHO ISN’T?

Ibiza police searching for naked Ferrari-riding woman

(Thanks to pharmaross and Le Petomane)

‘THAT’S REALLY BIG FOR THE POLE COMMUNITY’

Albuquerque woman part of push to make ‘pole dancing’ an Olympic sport

(Thanks to pharmaross)

WHAT, AGAIN?

Fidel Castro's crocodile bites elderly man at party in Sweden

(Thanks to Doug Ogg And Kevin Mark Smith)

AND IN SPORTS

MLB warns of stiff penalty as gas station sex pill problem spirals

(Thanks to Allen at Division and Le Petomane)

SOMEWHERE, SOME VERY UNHAPPY CARTEL GUYS ARE OPENING BANANA BOXES FULL OF ACTUAL BANANAS

Kilos of cocaine found in banana boxes at 3 Washington Safeway stores

(Thanks to Ron G.)

YOU ARE NOW FREE TO GO WITH THESE POLICE OFFICERS

Drunken Frontier Airlines passenger punched pilot at Vegas airport, officials say

(Thanks to Rod Nunley)

ALWAYS A SOUND LEGAL STRATEGY

Woman pulled over for DUI tries to bet cops on how high her blood-alcohol level would be

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)

LOOKING FOR A THOUGHTFUL GIFT FOR A SPECIAL GUY?

Here you go.

(Thanks to Le Petomane)

COLORADO FORECAST: CLOUDY AND WINDY, WITH A CHANCE OF MATTRESSES

Strong winds in Colorado send dozens of mattresses flying across field

(Thanks to pharmaross and John Lobert)

WHY THE LONG FACE?

Horse walks into Bourbon Street bar as band plays Old Town Road

(Thanks to  Jay Brandes)

UH-OH

The weird, repeating signals from deep space just tripled

(Thanks to Rod Nunley)

FLORIDA DRIVERS’, PILOTS’, BOATERS’ AND MEDICAL LICENSES ARE ON THE WAY

Machines on display at World Robot Conference in China can fly, swim and even do brain surgery

(Thanks to Rod Nunley)