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August 17, 2019

MAYBE HE WAS GLAD TO SEE THEM

A Florida man walked into a fishing store. He left with a ‘large bulge,’ cops say

(Thanks to pharmaross)

OBJECTION, DUDE

A Jacksonville lawyer who insisted his clients could legally grow marijuana, only for them to later face numerous felony charges, must now pay them about $370,000 for his bad legal advice.

(Thanks to pharmaross)

THIS DOES NOT SOUND ROMANTIC

A seaside town is planning to install public toilets that will stop sexual activity by spraying amorous occupants with water and sounding an alarm.

(Thanks to Ron T)

WE KNOW THE FEELING

Supercapacitors turbocharged by laxatives

(Thanks to Asher Scheiner and Ralph)

AND IN SPORTS

Godzilla came to the plate prior to a baseball game in Japan recently.

(Thanks to Kevin Meerschaert, who says "Rodan is a better fielder.")

WE SAW V&DBV OPEN FOR THE RAMONES

Vomiting and defecating black vultures overrun New York couple's $700k Florida vacation home - and leave it smelling like 'a thousand rotting corpses'

(Thanks to Ralph, sysilvola, pharmaross and B'game)

A TOTALLY WARRANTED REACTION

Officers who responded to the scene last Sunday were told by witnesses the customer "pitched a fit" after not getting his Filet-o-Fish. After leaving the drive thru, the suspect exited his vehicle, grabbed a shopping cart and proceeded to bash it into the side of another person's car.

(Thanks to Rick Day)

SHE DOES NOT LOOK VERY REMORSEFUL

Scorned woman burns NJ man’s house down after he stood her up

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)

HE'S READY TO MOVE UP TO D.C.

An Indiana state lawmaker is accused of impersonating a police officer to find cocaine, driving while intoxicated and resisting arrest, according to prosecutors.

(Thanks to Chris Elzi)

IN FLORIDA...

...we call this parallel parking.

(Thanks to Mark Schlesinger)

THEREBY QUALIFYING FOR FLORIDA DRIVERS' LICENSES

Plants can tell time even without a brain

(Thanks to Rod Nunley, who says "So can politicians.")

 
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