Dave Barry's Blog

WE’RE NOT SURE WE WANT TO KNOW

Can holding in your pee really kill you?

(Thanks to MOTW)

HELLO!

Woman suspects porch pirate stole package with 9 tarantulas

(Thanks to Ralph)

SO HOW WAS YOUR DAY?

Calgary woman traumatized after being trapped in tipped-over porta-potty following windstorm

(Thanks to pharmaross)

MAKES SENSE

Men's sexual function may benefit from daily nut consumption

(Thanks to pharmaross)

MILESTONES IN ADVERTISING

Coors Light Celebrates the Pure Bliss of Removing Your Bra After a Long Day

(Thanks to pharmaross)

TASMANIA: THE NEW AUSTRALIA

This Giant Spider Literally Ate a Possum and the Photos Will Haunt Your Dreams

(Thanks to Eric Y)

OOPS

Fans of a popular Chinese video blogger who called herself "Your Highness Qiao Biluo" have been left stunned after a technical glitch during one of her live-streams revealed her to be a middle-aged woman and not the young glamorous girl they thought her to be.

(Thanks to Asher Scheiner)

FRANCE ON HIGH ALERT

Giant orange slugs up to 15cm (6in) long are causing alarm in central Moscow

(Thanks to Fabian Mason and Ralph)

BULLETIN BULLETIN BULLETINNNNNNNNNN

‘Bachelorette’ finale: Hannah says she had sex ‘four times’ in a windmill

(Thanks to John Lobert)

THERE IS NO HIGHER AUTHORITY THAN 'CELEBRITY GYNECOLOGIST'

Celebrity gynecologist debunks claims from sex expert who says weightlifing with your vagina is good for you.

(Thanks to pharmaross)

BOLO II

Police seek woman who urinated on potatoes in Walmart

(Thanks to Matt Filar, Asher Scheiner, John Lobert and Rudolph)

BOLO

Shirtless man breaks into Red Bud High School, mops and leaves wearing theater costume

(Thanks to Jerome Whittle)

CANADA: LAND OF EXCITEMENT

Canadian town sets Guinness record with more than 1,300 wearing plaid

(Thanks to pharmaross)

TOTALLY PLAUSIBLE

"I said, 'What were you doing in my house?'" Ferguson said of his encounter with Maddox at the property. "The guy said, 'My horse broke into your house, mister, and I had to go in and get her.' I said, 'OK, so she broke into the gate and then the porch and then the house?'"

(Thanks to DaninDallas and Jan in Grimsby)

DATELINE, DEAD OF SUMMER

A chicken out for a Sunday afternoon stroll caused motorists to be on alert as it crossed multiple roadways in downtown St. Marys on Sunday afternoon, even briefly stopping under a vehicle stopped at the light on Center Street.

(Thanks to Asher Scheiner)

EVERYBODY'S LEARNING TO CODE

In yet another incident involving stray cattle at the Indian Institute of Technology, Bombay, a cow entered a classroom, reported Mumbai Mirror.

(Thanks to Asher Scheiner and Ralph)

HOW HOT IS IT? IT’S SO HOT THAT...

Springfield firefighters extinguish fire in swimming pool

(Thanks to Allen at Division)

BECAUSE THEY DON’T HAVE FRISBEES?

Why Do Chimpanzees Throw Poop?

(Thanks to Asher Scheiner)

GUYS IN ACTION

Annoying football fan who serenaded a Tube carriage with Chelsea chants is pushed off the train as the doors are closing by a fed-up passenger

(Thanks to Roberto)

UNSPORTSMANLIKE CONDUCT

Brewers' Broadcast Accidentally Shows Fan Grabbing His Girlfriend's Breast During Game

(Thanks to Matt Filar)

WHATEVER HAPPENED TO THE U.S. CONSTITUTION?

TSA screeners find missile launcher in checked luggage at airport

(Thanks to Mr. Ridley Pearson)

NO ROOM AT THE A'LE'INN

Rural Nevada not equipped for big ‘storm Area 51’ turnout

(Thanks to pharmaross)

PRIORITIES

Florida surfer attacked by shark opts for bar instead of hospital

(Thanks to Rod Nunley, pharmaross and Le Petomane)

SUUUURE

Siri "Regularly" Listens In On Your Sexual Encounters, Apple Insists "Only For A Few Seconds"

(Thanks to Asher Scheiner)

AND IN SPORTS

The Tour de France workers who convert graffiti penises into artwork

(Thanks to pharmaross)

ATTENTION, PEOPLE WITH LARGE GARAGES:

NASA is just giving away an Apollo-era Saturn rocket to anyone who wants it

(Thanks to Ryan Jentzsch)

UPDATE

Anti-vegan protesters who ate raw squirrels outside food stall fined

(Thanks to Ron T)

ACTUALLY, IT’S MUCH WILDER

Florida officials backtrack on killing iguanas 'whenever possible': 'This is not the 'wild west'

(Thanks to John Lobert and Asher Scheiner)

ROOM SSSSERVISSSS

A Tennessee woman who stayed at a hotel in the state reportedly woke up Friday morning with a snake on her arm.

(Thanks to John Lobert and Steve K)

NOBEL PRIZE ALERT

Polar Products, a company that specializes in hot and cold therapy, is fighting the dreaded summer boob sweat with freezable bra inserts.

(Thanks to John Lobert)

NOW *THIS* IS ENTERTAINMENT

Man’s hilarious ‘Lion King’ duet with donkey goes viral

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)

SEND THESE SNAKES TO WASHINGTON

Great Pandemonium as three snakes chase lawmakers out of House of Assembly

(Thanks to Ralph)

IT WAS RELEASED AFTER PRODUCING A VALID FLORIDA DRIVER’S LICENSE

Runaway tire crashes into Jeep on New Jersey highway

(Thanks to Kevin Smith and pharmaross)

TOTALLY JUSTIFIED

Florida woman arrested after punching boyfriend for way he cuts his meat

(Thanks to pharmaross and Kevin Meerschaert)

IN THAT CASE, SIR, YOU ARE FREE TO GO

Man arrested for DUI says he wasn’t drinking while driving, just at ‘stop signs’

You know the state.

(Thanks to Kevin Smith)

GOOD TO KNOW

...sign we saw last week everywhere on the backroads of the Scottish Highlands, I assume they were stolen from Florida. 

 — Jeffrey Brown

WE’RE MOVING TO A FARTHER TABLE

‘Baby Shark’ cereal coming to a breakfast table near you

(Thanks to Le Petomane)

‘IT’S FREE’

The psychology behind why people will eat anything at work

(Thanks to Greg Snow)

GUYS ON HOLIDAY IN ACTION

Holidaymaker deliberately drives car into the ocean ‘for a dare’

(Thanks to John Lobert and pharmaross)

THEY’LL BE BROKE WITHIN HOURS

Massive swarm of migrating grasshoppers descends on Las Vegas

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson, Jay Brandes and John Lobert)

HE IS WELCOME TO STEAMROLL THE ROADS OF FLORIDA

Man appears in court charged with drink driving after 'serious steamrolling' incident in Wellington

(Thanks to Jay Brandes)

COLOR US SHOCKED

Man in Overland tells cops he was drinking before he fired 115 rounds into trees in his backyard

(Thanks to Pauller and Mark Schlesinger, who says “The trees were asking for it.”)

APOCALYPSE UPDATE

Boram, 6-year-old South Korean YouTuber, buys $8 million property

(Thanks to Asher Scheiner)

EMAIL OPENING OF THE DAY SO FAR

Dear David Barry,
 
It was a pleasure servicing with you today!

CSI: FLATHEAD COUNTY

6:21 p.m. An uncooperative dog was found on Cooperative Way.

(Thanks to Fabian Matson and Le Petomane) 

MEANWHILE DOWN UNDER

Cane toad testicles becomes battle of the states, with Qld toads' testicles 30pc bigger than NSW, WA counterparts

(Thanks to pharmaross)

URINE MAKING NEWS

Man Secretly Put Pee in Woman’s Face Lotion in Attempt to Win Her Heart

(Thanks to Asher Scheiner)

Manchester International Festival: The artists making bricks from human urine

(Thanks to pharmaross)

PRIORITIES

With Dad’s support, one teen is playing ‘Fortnite’ instead of going to high school

The 49-year-old has spent more than $30,000 on state-of-the-art gaming equipment — the best computers, monitors, and keyboards money can buy. He has suspended family vacations for the foreseeable future, so as not to interfere with his son’s training.

(Thanks to Ralph)

DON’T TRY THIS IN MIAMI

Tesla owner leaves car plugged into a stranger's Lake Worth home

(Thanks to pharmaross)

ANYBODY MISSING ANYTHING?

'Cooler filled with male genitalia' found in raid of Phoenix body-donation company

(Thanks to Jay Brandes and Barry Nester, who says “note the name of the proprietor.”)