Dave Barry's Blog

AN EQUALLY GRAVE THREAT TO THE COMMUNITY

Suspected meth lab in east Las Vegas home actually a giant cat box

(Thanks to Peter Metrinko)

NOT ALWAYS MAN’S BEST FRIEND

A man was reportedly sprayed in the face with a substance before a dog bit his penis in Croydon .

(Thanks to pharmaross)

SUNSHINE STATE AMBASSADOR

Naked, dancing Florida man arrested at Mamaroneck gas station

(Thanks to LAschkenasy)

THAT SHOULD DO IT

Catholic bishop plans to dump holy water from plane to exorcise city's demons

(Thanks to pharmaross, who says “Better charter a fleet of 747s for Washington, D.C. and be prepared to drain the Potomac.”)

HO-HUM

Florida driver accidentally drives into a pool

(Thanks to pharmaross)

OTHER THAN THAT IT WAS A LOVELY CRUISE

Man Urinating Off Bridge in Berlin Causes Multiple Injuries on Tour Boat Below

(Thanks to Matt Filar, pharmaross and AmoebaStampede, who says “I don't remember this episode of The Love Boat.”)

AND IN SPORTS

Bear halts Colorado marathon by crossing the road

(Thanks to pharmaross)

WHAT’S THAT SMELL?

NASA Rover on Mars Detects Puff of Gas That Hints at Possibility of Life

(Thanks to Le Petomane, who says “Alternative headline: ‘Martians fart in the general direction of NASA Rover.’")

THE POKEMON PRODUCED A VALID FLORIDA LICENSE

A man was arrested for drug possession while catching Pokemon at a Florida park. 

(Thanks to Ralph)

SURE

If You Want to See a 100-Snake Orgy, Book a Ticket to Manitoba

(Thanks to Mark Schlesnger)

CSI: JOHNSTOWN

Man shot himself in buttocks at Johnstown hookah lounge

(Thanks to pharmaross)

THE DAY WE’VE ALL BEEN WAITING FOR

TACTICAL LANDING SEMEN AVAILABLE DOWN UNDER

(Thanks to pharmaross)

BEFORE YOU COMPLAIN ABOUT MICE...

Missoula County Sheriffs respond to bear in Missoula home

(Thanks to Matt Filar and Janice Gelb)

IN THAT CASE, SIR, YOU ARE FREE TO GRAB YOUR SKIMMER AND GO

Man claimed meth was for filtering pools

(Thanks to Ralph)

HARDY HAR HAR

Wife puts sex toys in man’s suitcase in this airport security prank

(Thanks to John Lobert)

SOUNDS ROMANTIC!

U.S. women will soon have another drug option designed to boost low sex drive: a shot they can give themselves in the thigh or abdomen that raises sexual interest for several hours.

(Thanks to pharmaross)

TODAY’S SPECIAL

Big Rat Drops From Ceiling Onto Customer's Menu at Buffalo Wild Wings in Westchester

(Thanks to pharmaross)

’IT’S PROTEIN!’

An accused burglar threw his own feces at a Miami judge. Then, the jury acquitted him

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson and pharmaross)

THIS IS PRETTY GREAT

Must watch: GE's smart light bulb reset process is a masterpiece... of modern techno-insanity

(Thanks to Barbara A)

FLATHEAD: A COUNTY GRIPPED BY FEAR

Youths were riding their bikes in the street. Someone apparently thought that was worth a call to 911.

(Thanks to Le Petomane)

WE SAW THEM OPEN FOR STRAWBERRY ALARM CLOCK

Rogue slug blamed for Japanese railway chaos

(Thanks to Jay Brandes)

WHICH IS MORE THAN WE CAN SAY FOR MANY TOP MUSICAL ACTS

Seals can copy human speech and sing Star Wars theme tune, new study says

(Thanks to James in NC, Rod Nunley, Ralph and Ron T)

THE PYTHON WAS THEN EATEN BY A SPIDER

Python swallows a crocodile

You know the continent.

(Thanks to Ralph)

ALL PART OF THEIR PLAN

German firefighters rescue squirrel stuck in manhole cover

Meanwhile we bet a squirrel-started fire was raging nearby.

(Thanks to Woozy Barnes, who says “He’s faking it.”)

‘THE MAN WAS VERY NONCHALANT’

Naked man tries passing through TSA checkpoint at Detroit airport

(Thanks to pharmaross)

THE BEAUTY OF NATURE

A new marine worm discovered off the coast of Scotland has eyes in the back of its butt.

(Thanks to Le Petomane)

WELL IN THAT CASE, SIR, YOU AND THE LORD ARE FREE TO GO

Man says ‘divine intervention’ compelled him to pass note demanding $16,000 from Cleveland bank

(Thanks to Steve)

‘HE WOULDN’T GET DOWN, SO I SHOT IN THE AIR, AND HE REALIZED I MEANT BUSINESS’

Grandmother, 75, Holds Car Theft Suspect At Gunpoint Until Deputies Arrive

(Thanks to Ranald Adams)

SO YOU CAN GET EVEN *MORE* SEASICK

World's first roller coaster at sea

(Thanks to Bill Hudgins)

GUYS WITH A LOT OF SPARE TIME IN ACTION

Guy Sets New Penny Pyramid World Record

(Thanks to John Lobert and Asher Scheiner)

BOLO

Authorities warn of big python on the loose in Alabama

(Thanks to Bob Brogan) 

FRANCE ON HIGH ALERT

Mutant 'porn star' fleas with huge penises set to invade Sheffield homes this summer

(Thanks to Bill Hudgins, who says they toured with Snoop)

THESE KIDS TODAY

Younger generations are growing horns in the back of their head

(Thanks to Mark Schlesinger, Jay Brandes, asherzeligscheiner, Violet, Steve K and Allen at Division)

UPDATE: Tragically, this turns out to be fake news. Judi will be tracked down at her Secret Retirement Hideout and fired.

WHILE CONGRESS WASTES TIME FRETTING ABOUT THE RUSSIANS

A project that would bring high-speed internet across Kentucky will be delayed because company representatives say an “abundance” of squirrels have chewed through wiring.

(Thanks to Ralph)

WE’RE ON OUR WAY

It's now no longer illegal to challenge someone to a duel in Canada

(Thanks to Matt Filar)

NO

The flying saddle: Would you give it a try?

(Thanks to Dave Roe)

YOU KNOW WHO GAVE THE ORDER

Moose crashes through pizza shop's window in Maine

(Thanks to Le Petomane)

AND THEN HE WAS EATEN BY A SNAKE

Australian detective interrupts his own news conference to rugby tackle fleeing suspect

(Thanks to Rod Nunley)

WE BET THEY ALSO LEFT THE LID UP

Astronauts left poop on the moon. We should go get it.

(Thanks to Rod Nunley)

SO *THAT’S* WHERE SAND COMES FROM

This Creature Eats Stone. Sand Comes Out the Other End.

(Thanks to Steve K., who says “Reminds me of my college dorm cafeteria, except the other way around.”)

WE ARE NEVER GOING INTO THE WATER AGAIN

Great White Shark Surprises Fishermen Off the NJ Coast

(Thanks to pharmaross)

‘ADULTS’

Adults Brawl At Youth Baseball Game

(Thanks to Allen at Division and Chris Elzi)

ALWAYS THE LAST PLACE YOU LOOK

Florida man hid meth in hot potato wedges, deputies say

(Thanks to pharmaross)

AND IN SPORTS

Ex-MLB star Lenny Dykstra spent 9 hours dumpster diving outside a Jersey Mike’s.

(Thanks to Allen at Division and Jeff Meyerson)

CSI: KUALA KANGSAR

Perak Man Arrested For Threatening To Wipe His Son's Faeces On A Policeman

(Thanks to Unholy Slacker)

OINK (BURP) MOO

Pig Steals 18 Beers From Campers, Gets Drunk & Starts a Fight With Cow

(Thanks to Jan in Grimsby)

ANYTHING TO DECLARE?

Man arrested after customs officials find 34 singing finches hidden in plastic hair curlers

(Thanks to LAschkenasy)

WHAT’S THAT SMELL?

Nearly half of young people aren't using deodorant, poll finds

(Thanks to Stan Ruth and pharmaross)

OOPS

US man who thought he'd bought a Florida villa for $9,0000 in online auction discovers it's a foot-wide strip of grass worth $50 - and officials are refusing to give him a refund

(Thanks to Fabian Marson, Rob Reiter and Kevin Smith)

GALS IN ACTION

This is a video of competitive eater Nela Zisser downing a 5,284 calorie 1kg 'Family Pack' of Nutella in 3 minutes and 56 seconds with no water.

(Thanks to John Lobert)