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June 09, 2019

FASCISM DESCENDS ON FLORIDA

Turns out, you can’t bring machetes to an axe-throwing bar, St. Petersburg police say

(Thanks to James Flynn)

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Key quote:
“Even though we are sure you have a pretty baller axe and we know how much you just want to show it off,” the company’s website said, “Our insurance dude says ‘Nahhh.’”

Also, alcohol may be involved

Batting helmet throwing bars for Yankee fans will be next.

From her mugshot, I would say she doesn't look like the sharpest tool in the shed.

They can be allowed. But to be on the safe side, you can only use paper machetes

Clankie, this is a couple of blocks from Tropicana Field, so maybe they could have a tie-in night.

Guess MS 13 is SOL

"Alcohol may have played a role" in her behavior. Are you kidding me?! By that logic, every bar anywhere would have patrons scraping machetes together and threatening to kill people. The next thing will be the Surgeon General revising the statement to 'Drink Responsibly .. and that includes, but is not limited to, threatening people with machetes.'

Nice pun in the headline -- fasces-ism at an axe-throwing bar.

I don't think you'd want a machete in an ax bar anyway. They wouldn't fly straight.

"She started scraping the blades together and told the crowd that “she had killed over 100 people with those machetes,” according to her arrest report."

In her best Yosemite Sam voice, I'm guessing.

If she had walked into a bar up here and started flashing machetes, the bartender would pull out a 12 GA. shotgun and say, "Lady, you have toys. THIS is a weapon. Now settle down and order yer drink."

Might as well just chop the Constitution right down.

Norman! Long time no see.

Really needs to be a country song: y
You cant bring no machete to an ax throwing bar...
can't drink no chardonnay on the porch.
oh you can't screw your woman on the church yard bench and you can't stop breaking my heart.

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