Dave Barry's Blog

OTHER THAN THAT IT WAS A LOVELY WEDDING

Groom shot after confronting brother-in-law for bringing dog to wedding, not painting 'just married' on truck

(Thanks to pharmaross and Rod Nunley)

‘INADVERTENTLY’

During a training exercise on Tuesday, F-35 fighter jet pilots inadvertently created a condensed air trail in the shape of a penis -- images of which caused a stir on social media.

(Thanks to Rick Day, wiredog, Not My Usual Alias and pharmaross)

AND IT’S HAPPY TO SEE YOU

Photo of sex toy on Cleveland police cruiser goes viral

(Thanks to Stever)

FOR ONLY $49.99 PER PERSON!

Rats roam freely at this San Francisco pop-up bar

(Thanks to Jay Brandes, Mark Schlesinger and Peter Metrinko)

TOTALLY JUSTIFIED

20-year-old Nashville woman stabs brother during argument over Playstation

(Thanks to Bill Huggins)

THE WILD WEST

Texas Legislature Accidentally Repeals Plumbing Code

(Thanks to John Lobert)

IDAHO THEATER UPDATE

A groundskeeper at the Idaho Shakespeare Festival shooed the black bear away Wednesday after it made its way onto the festival's grounds off Warm Springs Avenue late Wednesday afternoon.

(Thanks to MOTW)

AND INSTANTLY BECOMES A HERO TO EDUCATORS EVERYWHERE

Florida teacher allegedly writes ‘WTF is this?’ on student’s homework

(Thanks to pharmaross and Rudolph)

FATHER’S DAY IS COMING

Dad doesn’t need another shirt.

(Thanks to Brian Duval)

WELL, IT *WAS* UNEXPLODED

'Unexploded device' on River Thames in London turns out to be Christmas decoration

(Thanks to pharmaross and Le Petomane)

IMAGINE WHAT HE’D’VE GOT FOR PHIL MCCAVITY

$500 Fine For Suspect Who Told Cops His Name Was "Ben Dover"

(Thanks to Ralph and pharmaross)

TAMPA TACKLES THE ISSUES

Here is where the mystery begins. At City Hall, where video of the meeting has been consumed like candy, many thought the cough ended with a vulgarity that begins with a synonym for donkey and ends in hole.

(Thanks to pharmaross)

$38,000 IN ONE DAY FOR CHOCOLATE

Court papers reveal how a jailed banker's wife spent $20 million at Harrods

(Thanks to Le Petomane, who says “Many of us have ex-wives that could do this easily.”) 

THE WAIT IS OVER AT LAST

Nicolas Cage's estranged wife of four days speaks out

(Thanks to pharmaross)

NOT BETTY THE WASHER!

Boise community upset after Betty the Washer is damaged by vandals

(Thanks to Woozy Barnes)

WE SAW THEM OPEN FOR THE TROGGS

Cemetery Snake Startles Visitors in Schuylkill County

(Thanks to Ralph and Karen “Tinkerbell” Durkin)

ADVISORY

Men are seriously overestimating how often they make their wives orgasm

(Thanks to pharmaross)

NO DOUBT BACKING TOWARD FLORIDA

Naked woman allegedly gropes trooper after driving backwards on I-90

(Thanks to pharmaross)

SIX OF ONE...

Alabama man mistakingly sent urine sample instead of the shower rings he ordered from Amazon

(Thanks to pharmaross)

YOU THOUGHT INTERNET CRAZES COULD NOT GET ANY STUPIDER

You were wrong.

(Thanks to Bob Brogan and John Lobert)

AND IN THE ANNALS OF HUMAN ACHIEVEMENT

Man spins cushion on finger for 18 minutes to break Guinness record

(Thanks to Kevin Smith)

THE MARLINS ARE INTERESTED

White Sox employee's 1st pitch nails photographer

(Thanks to pharmaross and Not My Usual Alias)

WHAT CHOICE DID SHE HAVE?

Woman attacks Burger King manager after being denied free fries

(Thanks to pharmaross and B’game)

THEY SHOULD NOT BE IN CIVILIAN HANDS

Florida man arrested for hitting mom on head with corn cob

(Thanks to pharmaross and Fabian Marson, who says “He looks remorseful enough.”)

IF YOU SAY SO

The popular suggestion that Australia is home to the world’s deadliest snakes is largely a myth, with the risk of bites and death far greater across Asia, Africa and South America, the nation’s science agency has said.

(Thanks to Ralph)

IN THAT CASE, SIR...

Police say David Herring admitted to disobeying the traffic signal and leading cops on a short pursuit in his pickup truck, arguing he couldn’t comply immediately because his “pants were down” while he was being pleasured by his passenger, Rhonda Koppenhoefer.

(Thanks to Allen at Division)

AT THAT LENGTH IT BECOMES A FELONY

Indianapolis man calls police to report theft of foot-long Subway sandwich

(Thanks to John Lobert)

ANYTHING TO DECLARE?

Smuggler hid 5,000 live, blood-sucking leeches in his carry-on, Canadian officials say

(Thanks to Chris Elzi, Le Petomane and Mark Schlesinger, who says “They were comfort leeches.”)

FLORIDA WILDLIFE UPDATE

Coral Springs Man Finds Snake Slithering In His Toilet

(Thanks to Dick Lobo, pharmaross and Kevin Meerschaert)

THE SCIENCE IS SETTLED

Women 'shouldn't bother getting married as they'll be happier without a husband'

(Thanks to Bob Brogan)

ATTENTION SHOPPERS

Large rat snake found in shopping cart at Walmart in Texas

(Thanks to Steve K)

BULLFIGHTING NEWS

You don't want to know.

(Thanks to pharmaross)

SEE IF YOU CAN GUESS (1) WHAT STATE THIS WAS, AND (2) WHETHER ALCOHOL WAS INVOLVED

Naked woman accused of biting two men during nasty spat

(Thanks to pharmaross)

A GRATEFUL WORLD REJOICES

Kourtney Kardashian's Poosh releases first branded item: drinkable collagen

(Thanks to Le Petomane, who says "If you mix it with vodka, it might not be bad.") (Or you could just drink the vodka straight.)

THIS WILL SURELY WIN HER BACK

A "jilted" Florida man has been accused of setting fire to a love rival’s Harley Davidson motorcycle in a gas station parking lot, local police said.

(Thanks to Fabian Marson)

WE WERE PROMISED FLYING CARS

A Toilet That Vaporizes Your Poo

(Thanks to Rick Day)

BARTENDER: ‘WHY THE LONG, UM....’

Historic London pub allows customers to drink in the nude

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson and Mark Schlesinger)

FLORIDAAAAAAAAAAAAA

Gainesville man covered in chocolate syrup arrested for domestic battery, criminal mischief

(Thanks to pharmaross)

WHICH IN CANADA IS ILLEGAL

Toronto police find supposed gunman actually carrying a banana

(Thanks to Ralph)

THESE TOURISTS TODAY

Easter Island Statues Threatened By Nose-Pick Selfie-Snapping Tourists

(Thanks to Ralph)

NOTHING, SIR

'What did I do wrong?' Florida man asks after 140-mph chase, crash

(Thanks to pharmaross)

YOU NEED TO KNOW

Do Snails Fart?

(Thanks to Jim Kenaston)

IT’S OK ONCE YOU PICK THE WINGS OUT

Florida beer used butterflies in the brewing process

(Thanks to EricY) 

MEMORIAL DAY

Have a good day, but remember — and remind your kids — why it’s called Memorial Day.

AHEM

Why becoming a Wienermobile driver is harder than getting into Harvard

(Thanks to Paul Sand)

Relevant column here.

DON’T DISRESPECT THEM

Monkey wees in window of dad who laughed at his penis

(Thanks to pharmaross)

ALWAYS A SHREWD LEGAL TACTIC

Video shows suspect in stolen AFR vehicle moon police before being arrested

(Thanks to Le Petomane)

IS OUR CRIMINALS LEARNING?

Man Arrested For Giving Cop Fake Name While Wearing Name Tag With Real Name

(Thanks to John Gregg)

FLORIDAAAAAAAA

Florida Bar opens investigation into Clearwater lawyer who shooed raccoon off his boat

(Thanks to John Lobert)

WE SAW THEM OPEN FOR THE CLASH

US Astronaut Reveals if Space Farts Can Send One Soaring in Zero-Gravity

(Thanks to pharmaross)