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May 20, 2019

GAME OF THRONES ANALYSIS

This blog knows nothing about Game of Thrones.

BUT NOT BEFORE OPENING FOR WAYNE FONTANA AND THE MINDBENDERS

Farting dinosaurs with low sex drives 'ATE themselves into extinction'

(Thanks to Jim Kenaston)

AND YOUR POINT IS...

“People, she put BALLS on my wedding cake! Not pearls, balls!”

(Thanks to pharmaross)

SHE HAS OUR VOTE

A local councilor sporting nothing but a unicorn headdress, underpants and a little body paint spruced up a regional flower show near the southwestern city of Schwäbisch Gmünd in the state of Baden-Württemberg.

(Thanks to Ralph)

STAND TALL WHILE GRASPING SOMETHING FOR SUPPORT, CANADA

Canada ranks third in the world for drunkenness

(Thanks to The [burp] Perts)

STEP AWAY FROM THE BONG, PHYSICISTS

Jellyfish chips may become your new favorite snack thanks to these physicists

(Thanks to Nelson from Michigan and The Perts)

ONE HAS ALREADY BEEN ACCEPTED AT USC

Sheep registered as pupils in bid to save classes at French Alps primary school

(Thanks to elseabs)

YOU KNOW WHERE HE WAS HEADED

Man, 92, drives mobility scooter along Melbourne’s Monash Freeway

(Thanks to elseabs)

May 19, 2019

THIS DESCRIBES BASICALLY EVERY FLATHEAD COUNTY POLICE BLOTTER

Some Weird Stuff is Going Down

(Thanks to Le Petomane)

GUYS IN ACTION

Portland police arrested a man who admitted he used dog poop to make an explosive device in order to get revenge on a former friend.

(Thanks to B’game)

THE ATM WAS RELEASED AFTER PRODUCING A VALID FLORIDA DRIVER’S LICENSE

A Florida man found himself back in jail after chatting with an ATM and charging a deputy, according to the Washington County Sheriff's Office.

(Thanks to pharmaross)

THE SCIENCE IS SETTLED

The truth about sex: we are not getting enough

(Thanks to Le Petomane)

ATTENTION, IOWANS:

Smoking pizza billboard in Cedar Rapids not actually on fire    

(Thanks to Hayseed Tom)

MAYBE THE OVEN WAS PUT THERE BY ALIENS

Signals that baffled astronomers for 17 years traced to observatory's microwave oven

(Thanks to Ralph)

SPORTS PARENT OF THE WEEK SO FAR

A woman in California was kicked out of a youth basketball game after cell phone video caught her sticking her legs out in an attempt to trip a player from the competing team.

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson and pharmaross)

STAND TALL, BUCKEYE STATE

Ohio hair ball is 125 pounds and counting

(Thanks to pharmaross)

CLEARLY WE ARE WORRYING ABOUT THE WRONG BORDER

Mayochup mayhem: Heinz's rage-inducing ketchup and mayonnaise mashup is coming to the U.S. whether they like it or not

(Thanks to Roberto)

May 18, 2019

FLORIDA: THE GIVING STATE

Grenade found in Goodwill donation bin

(Thanks to Le Petomane)

WE CANNOT WAIT

In the Future, Your Clothes Will Warn You of Dangerous Gases

(Thanks to Jay Brandes)

THE NEWS FROM CANADA

New Heinz condiment Mayochup has an unfortunate translation in Cree

(Thanks to Ralph)

THIS BEING ENGLAND, HE WAS ALSO DRIVING ON THE WRONG SIDE OF THE ROAD

Driver fined, license suspended for 'dangerous' amount of fast-food wrappers in car

(Thanks to Le Petomane)

SHE WON’T GET FAR ON FOOT

Woman charged with burglarizing Enfield pizzeria, stealing $4,650 worth of items

(Thanks to Ann)

COCONUT WATER WORKS GREAT

It Turns Out Crushed Bananas Make Terrible Motor Oil

(Thanks to John Gregg)

THERE GOES THE LETTER OF RECOMMENDATION

Oklahoma woman arrested for throwing billiard balls at boss after getting fired

(Thanks to Rod Nunley)

SIX OF ONE

Vita Coco threatens to send critic jar of urine, wins Twitter fans

(Thanks to Rod Nunley)

DO NOT MESS WITH THEM

Threesome request ends in head trauma

(Thanks to Janice Gelb)

NEXT: A DEAD WHALE

Area firefighters blow up car for training exercise

(Thanks to pharmaross)

May 17, 2019

AUSTRALIA TACKLES THE ISSUES

Did Scott Morrison Shit Himself At Engadine Maccas In 1997? An Investigation

(Thanks to Rod Nunley)

FORE!

Jon Rahm caught urinating in Dustin Johnson's sightline during PGA Championship

(Thanks to pharmaross, who says “Water hazard”)

HEALTH ADVISORY

Do not kiss cows

(Thanks to Craig Roberts, Marcopohlo and Ralph)

YOU KNOW WHO WAS BEHIND THIS

5 snakes on a softball field ruin practice for Alabama girls

(Thanks to Allen at Division)

EW

A man had two live leeches removed from his nose after suffering 10 days of nosebleeds.

(Thanks to pharmaross)

‘STICKY SITUATION’

Truck carrying 41,000 pounds of honey overturns on highway

(Thanks to Just Ducky, who says “We’re gonna need a LOT of biscuits.”)

GRANDSON OF THE WEEK SO FAR

Man Charged With Flushing His Grandparents’ Ashes Down The Toilet Held For Court

(Thanks to Jay Brandes)

WHY ON EARTH SHOULD HE?

Guy Test Drives Ferrari, Does Not Return

(Thanks to Jay Brandes, who says “He’s in Florida by now.”)

MEN WITH EX-GIRLFRIENDS:

Do NOT click here.

(Thanks to Bill Huggins)

OOPS

Diners mistakenly served nearly $6,000 bottle of rare French wine

(Thanks to wanderer2575)

BADA BOOK, BADA BURP

Taco Bell is opening a hotel and resort

(Thanks to Le Petomane, who says “Two bathrooms in every room!”) (Also thanks to Mark Schlesinger, Rick Day, pharmaross and Rod Nunley)

May 16, 2019

YOUR ‘COMEDIAN BOMBS’ JOKE HERE

Audience member calls 911 after 'Middle Eastern' comment made at comedy show in Naples

(Thanks to Not My Usual Alias)

LEAST PERTURBABLE WORKERS OF THE WEEK SO FAR

Yikes.

(Thanks to Jim Kenaston)

PERFECT

A billboard worker wound up in the hospital Tuesday morning when he tumbled off a rooftop sign in Brooklyn that happened to be touting the famed personal injury law firm Cellino & Barnes, family and officials said.

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)

MAYBE HE MISINTERPRETED HER INTENTIONS

Man seeks marriage dissolution, claims lover defecated on his bed

(Thanks to Unholy Slacker)

GUYS IN ACTION DOWN UNDER

This is a video from Queensland, Australia (where else besides Florida?) of a dude deciding to take his motorcycle for a spin through the living room with two people riding behind him.

(Thanks to John Lobert, who believes alcohol may have been involved)

NO MARGARITAS?

Burger King To Deliver Whoppers To LA Drivers Stuck In Traffic

(Thanks to Le Petomane)

May 15, 2019

OK, BUT WE HAVE PAID TO BE ON WORSE RIDES

Window washers stuck in swinging basket due to high winds

(Thanks to Steve K)

WE HAVE ALL DONE THIS

 Mom with sleep disorder claims she once unknowingly purchased a full-sized basketball court

(Thanks to Rod Nunley and elseabs)

WE SAW MANATEE ORGY OPEN FOR THE WHO

Florida Manatee Orgy Near Tampa Bay Highway Causes World's Most Awkward Traffic Jam

(Thanks to Janice Gelb)

THEY ANSWER ONLY TO THE SQUIRRELS

Chicago-area police warn of ‘zombie raccoons’

(Thanks to Allen at Division, Barry Nester, The Perth’s, Kevin Smith and Mark Schlesinger)

WHAPPED HER WITH A WHOPPER

Florida man arrested for slapping girlfriend in face with cheeseburger

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson, who says “We need to get those things out of civilian hands.”) 

GUYS IN ACTION

Man Allegedly Gets Pet Tarantula to Keep Arachnophobic Mother-in-Law Away

(Thanks to Greg Snow)

 
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