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May 23, 2019

GO AHEAD, ABET THE ENEMY

Squirrel served daily ice cream mini-cones at North Carolina shop

(Thanks to Ralph)

A STEPHEN-KING-LEVEL NIGHTMARE

Teen gets penis stuck in drainpipe and has to be freed with circular saw

(Thanks to John Lobert)

DEPARTMENT OF NEWS STORIES WE DOUBT ACTUALLY HAPPENED BUT WHAT THE HELL

Drunk Man Vomits So Hard, Throws up Undiagnosed Tumour, Then Swallows it Back

(Thanks to MOTW)

GUESS THE CONTINENT

Enormous python swallows even bigger python, but can't handle it

(Thanks to Rod Nunley)

DUH

IQ rates are dropping in many developed countries

Exhibit A: 56 percent of Americans don't want Arabic numerals taught in schools

(Thanks to pharmaross)

 

EMPLOYEE HYGIENE IS IMPORTANT

Local Wendy's investigating video of man bathing in kitchen sink

(Thanks to pharmaross)

OTHER THAN THAT, HE HAD A GOOD DAY

A convicted felon accidentally shot himself in the genitals last month at an apartment in Cashmere. His problems didn’t stop there.

...As doctors and nurses performed surgery at Central Washington Hospital, a balloon containing marijuana slipped out of his anus, the affidavit said.

(Thanks to Rod Nunley, pharmaross, John Lobert, David Knight and DaninDallas)

THESE FUGITIVES TODAY

Fugitive agrees to surrender if his wanted poster receives 15,000 Facebook likes

(Thanks to Asher Schneider and pharmaross)

THE ESSENTIALS

According to the Gonzales Police Department, on May 12, a woman loaded 21 bottles of Titos Vodka and five cases of toilet paper into a shopping cart.

(Thanks to Kevin Meerschaert)

GUESS WHICH WAY FLORIDA MAN CHOSE

Crashing a wedding can go two ways: you have a great time while enjoying some free drinks and leave without anyone noticing you weren't actually invited or you join the bride and groom during their first dance and get arrested.

(Thanks to Fabian Matson and pharmaross)

LOOKS LEGIT TO THIS BLOG

Man ticketed for hand drawn inspection sticker

(Thanks to Bill Huggins, who says “Perfectly legal in FL”)

THE CORRECT SETTING IS ‘YIKES’

Oklahoma man discovers nearly 7-foot snake in his dryer vent

(Thanks to Stan Ruth)

TRY NOT TO THINK ABOUT IT

Face mites feast on skin oils, mate while you sleep

And of course they all have valid Florida drivers’ licenses.

(Thanks to Le Petomane and Chuck Cody) 

 
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