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April 16, 2019

ANOTHER DAY AT THE OFFICE

Supreme Justices spent the morning talking about an 'f word'

(Thanks to The Perts)

FAR BE IT FROM US TO MAKE A HARLEY-DAVIDSON JOKE

Primates with smaller genitalia compensate by being flashy and aggressive

(Thanks to Matt Filar)

April 15, 2019

HE IS RIS... UM... SUBMERGED

Celebrate this Easter by snorkeling with Jesus in the Florida Keys

(Thanks to Hayseed Tom)

BEFORE YOU GET TOO EXCITED: HE USES HIS HANDS

Israeli ‘fart’ artist blows away ‘Britain’s Got Talent’

(Thanks to Barry Nester)

SO THAT’S A NO

Florida woman fires gunshots at neighbor who asked her to turn down her music

(Thanks to pharmaross)

THERE IS NO KNOWN DEFENSE

Florida man threatened to destroy town with army of turtles

(Thanks to Hayseed Tom)

THEY WILL NOT GET OUT ALIVE

Squirrel Camp: Meet the scientists who live off the grid to study the frisky critters

(Thanks to Snowman and Suzie Q Wacvet)

MEANWHILE DOWN UNDER

‘Scrotox’: Australian men turn to Botox to improve appearance of scrotum

(Thanks to Emily, Leslie and w

PERHAPS THEY SHOULD REFRAIN FROM DRINKING FROM THE TOILET

Men with beards carry more germs than dogs

(Thanks to Mark Schlesigner, Charles Cates and Greg Snow, who says “They are also lousy at retrieving tennis balls.”)

STRUMPDATE FROM COLORADO

Thanks to everybody in the nice crowd at Boulder Books last night. Tonight at 7 I’ll be in Denver for the great Tattered Cover bookstore; the event will be at Trinity United Methodist Church. Hope to see you there.

April 14, 2019

THE SPIDER WAS RELEASED AFTER PRODUCING A VALID FLORIDA DRIVER’S LICENSE

Woman crashes car after seeing spider

(Thanks to pharmaross)

‘SEEMED TO BE BREATHING WELL’

English animal rescuers jump to rescue of 'sick' fox that's actually taxidermied animal

(Thanks to pharmaross)

NO WORD ON HIS BASEBALL CARDS

Michigan man sues parents for $86,000 for tossing his porn collection

(Thanks to pharmaross)

THIS HAPPENS FAR TOO OFTEN

Stud bull breaks penis when chopper lands in its meadow

(Thanks to Ralph)

WE SAW THEM OPEN FOR THE BYRDS

Neighbors use shovel, umbrella to try to shoo away aggressive gang of turkeys

(Thanks to Ralph)

WISCONSIN: FLORIDA OF THE MIDWEST

Mother let dog run loose in Wisconsin Walmart and performed a series of karate moves while son stripped naked, police say

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson, Mark Buckley, Stan Ruth, Gary, Ann, pharmaross, Greg Snow, John Lobert and Emily, Leslie and w)

STRUMPDATE

Had a great event yesterday at the LA Times Festival of Books; thanks to Patt Morrison for interviewing me, and thanks to all the nice folks who came out. I also ran into my good buddy, co-author and bandmate Ridley Pearson, who’s on the road talking about his new graphic novel Super Sons.

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Today at 5 p.m. I’ll be in Boulder, Colorado, a completely different state, for a 5 p.m. event at the Boulder Book Store. Hope to see you there. 

April 13, 2019

STRUMPDATE FROM LA

Last night I was on the Bill Maher show, which was entertaining. Today at 4:30 I’ll be at the Los Angeles Times Festival of Books, unless there’s an earthquake, in which case I am apparently supposed to “roll,” whatever that means. But assuming I’m not “rolling,” I hope to see you there.

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April 12, 2019

STRUMPDATE

I’m going to be on Home and Family Monday. I got my own trailer for the taping. But they made me give it back.

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Next door to Home and Family is the Wild West, where I struck a frontier pose with some kind of rustic contraption.

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THEY HAVE THE FULL SUPPORT OF THIS BLOG

Meet the 'snot otter,' your official endangered species if Missouri lawmakers get their way

(Thanks to Mark Schlesinger)

EVIDENTLY THE SWISS GOVERNMENT HAS NEVER BEEN ON BOOK TOUR

Coffee not essential for life, Swiss government says

(Thanks to Dick Lobo and The Perts) (We saw Dick Lobo and the Perts open for Joey Dee and the Starliters)

GUESS THE CONTINENT

Eerie video shows giant bugs devouring alligator on ocean floor

(Thanks to EricY)

WE BLAME GLOBAL CLIMATE CHANGE

Mysterious mashed potatoes perplex a historic neighborhood

(Thanks to Alkali Bill, who says “I saw the Inscrutable Tubers open for the Electric Prunes.”)

STRUMPDATE

Great crowd — 600 people! — last night in San Mateo for Kepler’s Books. My friend and bandmate Amy Tan helped me out with a dramatic reading:

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And my little brother and bandmate Sam Barry provided harmonica backup for a rare rendition of “Adventure Dog.”

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Today I’m doing some TV stuff. Tomorrow (Saturday) at 4:30 I’ll be talking about Lessons From Lucy at the Los Angeles Times Festival of Books. Hope to see you there. 

April 11, 2019

MEDICAL VINDICATION FOR GUYS EVERYWHERE

Holding in a fart means you might ‘breathe it out your mouth’

(Thanks to [appropriately enough] Le Petomane)

‘IT’S ALL FUN AND GAMES UNTIL ONE OF THEM HAS TO PEE’

Social media notices huge problem with 'stick-on' swimwear trend

(Thanks to Ralph)

IN THAT CASE, SIR....

Man driving with pants down said he was ‘working out’

Guess the state.

(Thanks to pharmaross)

AND THEN PRESUMABLY ON TO FLORIDA

Woman stole Walmart scooter to drive to Waffle House

(Thanks to Peter Metrinko and Man Tom)

ANOTHER ROUTINE DAY IN THE SUNSHINE STATE

Three naked women were spotted at a Pasco rest stop. Then came the high-speed pursuit.

(Thanks to James Flynn)

SEND THESE MONKEYS TO WASHINGTON

Scientists put human gene into monkeys to make them smarter, human-like

(Thanks to DaninDallas and Le Petomane)

STRUMPDATE

Thanks to the great crowd last night at Third Place Books in Seattle. Tonight at 7:30 I’ll be talking about Lessons From Lucy for Kepler’s Books at the Aragon High School Theater in San Mateo. Hope to see you San Francisco-area folks out there. Here’s an incentive: I got some shirts laundered, so I think I smell better.

April 10, 2019

IT WAS RELEASED AFTER PRODUCING A VALID FLORIDA DRIVER’S LICENSE

Deputies surround burglar in Oregon home, find out suspect is Roomba trapped in bathroom

(Thanks to Don Faber and Ralph)

HOW DO YOU THINK HE GOT THE $8 MILLION?

Man accused of stealing from Kmart days after buying $8 million private island

(Thanks to klezmerphan)

SOON WE WILL HAVE NO CONSTITUTIONAL RIGHTS LEFT

A woman who was recently indicted in a Nashville murder case is facing additional charges after allegedly walking into an area Waffle House naked while waving a gun in the air.

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson, who says “Chuck E. Cheese’s being closed...”)

WHILE THE SO-CALLED ‘UNITED NATIONS SECURITY COUNCIL’ DOES NOTHING

Giant Technicolor Squirrels Actually Roam the Forests of Southern India

(Thanks to Fearless Phil)

DO NOT READ BELOW THIS HEADLINE. SERIOUSLY, DON’T.

A woman's infection turned out to be bees living in her eye, feeding on her tears

(Thanks to Dave Roe, Greg Snow and The Perts)

STRUMPDATE

Really fun event with my old pal Alan Zweibel last night for Live Talks LA, which was created by another old pal, Ted Habte-Gabr. Thanks to everybody who came out. Tonight at 7 I’ll be at Third Place Books in Seattle. Hope to see you there. Meanwhile here’s a link to a TV interview I did in New York City, which seems like several decades ago, when I was younger and had clean clothes in my carry-on. 

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That’s me on the left.

April 09, 2019

NOW *THIS* IS PARENTING

In chapter 7 of ‘Lessons from Lucy’ you mention some challenging cases where it may be quite difficult to tell the truth, such as when your children ask you if you ever did drugs.  I personally find it best to be completely honest in this kind of situation.  I always say, "Yes, but I was drunk at the time." 

— Jim Kenaston

YOUR TV STRUMPDATE ALERT FOR TODAY

The Blog will appear tonight on MetroFocus on these PBS stations:
 
WNET/Ch 13 at 6pm
WLIW /ch.21 at 5pm and 7pm
NJTV at 530pm
 
We presume he will be talking about a book he wrote*.

This has been your TV strumpdate alert for today.
 
 
*Yes, he wrote a book.
 
 

ADVISORY

Watch your step in Miami. There might be a severed cow’s tongue on your running path.

(Thanks to pharmaross)

THE BLOG IS IN LA

Not that we are implying anything.

(Thanks to Al B.)

IMAGINE THE STOCKHOLDERS’ MEETINGS

Chuck E. Cheese's parent is going public again

(Thanks to Not My Usual Alias)

WE WERE PROMISED FLYING CARS

Now you can fall asleep to the sound of a Swedish man reading the Ikea catalogue

(Thanks to Ralph)

HE HAS OUR VOTE

Florida politician kicked out of seafood festival for being ‘drunk and starting problems,’ say police

(Thanks to Ranald Adams)

WHAT COULD POSSIBLY GO WRONG?

Gasoline poured on baseball field, set on fire to ‘dry the field quicker’‘

(Thanks to Le Petomane and pharmaross)

PUTTING ‘FLORIDA MAN’ AFTER ‘DRUNK, SHIRTLESS’ IS REDUNDANT

Drunk, shirtless Florida man arrested after shoveling spaghetti in his mouth at Olive Garden

(Thanks to pharmaross)

C’MON, REF, LET ‘EM PLAY

Diego Costa Red Carded For Threatening To Poop On Referee's Mother

(Thanks to Andrew Mendez)

YOU WILL NEVER GUESS WHAT STATE THIS HAPPENED IN

Man pulls boxcutter on good Samaritan, who shoots him, police say

(Thanks to Charles Cates, James Flynn and pharmaross)

THESE KIDS TODAY

3-year-old locks parents out of iPad for 25,536,442 minutes

(Thanks to Ralph)

MOMENTS LATER IT WAS EATEN BY A SPIDER THE SIZE OF A MICROWAVE OVEN

Chicken spotted crossing the road at Perth supermarket

(Thanks to Ralph)

 
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