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April 25, 2019

LIBBY: CRIME HOTBED OF FLATHEAD COUNTY

5:59 a.m. A Libby woman called 911 to make sure she wasn’t going to be blamed for kidnapping her son.

8:48 a.m. A Libby resident reported that something mysterious fell down a chimney.

9:27 a.m. A Libby man had information about two different crimes: The theft of millions of dollars and some sort of bombing.

(Thanks to Stan Ruth)

INSECT GUYS IN ACTION

How sex-crazed insects mate non-stop for 79 DAYS, have eyes on their penises and continue bonking even when their head’s been chopped off

(Thanks to pharmaross)

YOU WANT FRIES WITH THAT?

Hunter filmed ordering McDonald’s while carrying dead deer over his shoulder

(Thanks to Hayseed Tom and Allen at Division)

SURE, IT'S 'ADORABLE' UNTIL IT GETS HOLD OF HIS GUN

Adorable video shows squirrel clinging to police officer's leg

(Thanks to pharmaross)

AND THEN IT ATE THEM

People Stop Traffic To Help Enormous Snake Safely Cross The Road

(Thanks to Suzie Q Wacvet, who notes with surprise that this was not in Australia)

YET ANOTHER REASON TO BAN ELECTRONIC DANCE MUSIC

A preliminary analysis done by UM scientists show toadfish, a species that is common to Biscayne Bay with a physiology that lends itself to study of stress response, heard the music and exhibited acute stress levels during Ultra’s first day on Virginia Key. The report shows the fish were less stressed than if they were in a crowded tank but more stressed than if they heard the pop sounds from a dolphin, a species with a taste for toadfish.

(Thanks to Mark Schlesinger)

THEY SCARED IT AWAY BY THREATENING IT WITH HAGGIS

Kids find 7ft boa constrictor on their doorstep in Scotland

(Thanks to DaninDallas)

IT'S ABOUT DAMN TIME

Pennsylvania Honors the Snot Otter

(Thanks to Mark Schlesinger and LAschkenasy)

UPDATE

A man in an Easter bunny suit who went viral after breaking up a fight between a man and a woman in Florida has a criminal record and an outstanding warrant in New Jersey.

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson, who informs this blog that he is "shocked.")

AND THIS WAS BEFORE THE DISCOVERY OF KETCHUP

Analysis of caveman’s poo reveals he ate an entire RATTLESNAKE

(Thanks to Michael Moyer, Rod Nunley, Matt Filar, pharmaross, Hayseed Tom, Le Petomane and Al Barkafski)

April 24, 2019

IDAHO: THE GLAMOUR STATE

Big Idaho Potato turned into a hotel

(Thanks to pharmaross and Matt Filar)

WE WERE PROMISED FLYING CARS

Plastic Surgeons Can Now Sculpt Belly Fat Into a Weird Chiseled Six-Pack

(Thanks to Andrew Mendez)

THESE KIDS TODAY

An Arizona mother was arrested for allegedly assaulting her son for not keeping a "good enough" lookout as his grandmother shoplifted.

(Thanks to pharmaross)

'EAT IT IF YOU WANT TO. YOUR GARBAGE IS COMING HOME.'

Filipino President Rodrigo Duterte on Tuesday reportedly threatened to "declare war" against Canada within the next week if the country fails to remove tons of garbage that was previously shipped to Manila.

(Thanks to pharmaross)

NAME THAT STATE!

Deputies said a man pulled down his pants and exposed himself to drivers while advertising for a concealed weapons class.

(Thanks to pharmaross)

BUT WAS IT COVERED BY INSURANCE?

Ambulance that hit pothole on way to hospital may have saved patient's life, doctors say

(Thanks to pharmaross and Dave Roe, who says "We must save about a million lives a year, where I live.") (Also Rod Nunley, who says "Oh, great, now they have a reason not to fix them.")

'I'M NOT SAYING THIS, HONEY. *SCIENCE* IS SAYING THIS.'

Housework could keep brain young, research suggests

(Thanks to Chris Elzi)

Also: Sex is the answer to a better night's sleep, researchers claim

(Thanks to Allen at Division)

JERSEY CARES

The mannequins dressed as sexy Playboy Bunnies on display on the corner lawn of a Clifton dental office now have a purpose: raising money to help rebuild Notre Dame Cathedral in Paris.

(Thanks to pharmaross)

$17 MILLION SEEMS FAIR

Nicolas Cage’s wife of four days seeks spousal support

(Thanks to pharmaross)

April 23, 2019

NORTH TEXAS DINING REPORT

North Texas Mr. Jim’s Restaurant Temporarily Shuts Down After Employees Allegedly Put Miralax On Pizza

(Thanks to Al Barkafski, Barry Nester and Rod Nunley)

MAYBE, FOR GOOD LUCK, THEY SHOULD TOSS THIS PASSENGER FROM THE PLANE

Another airline passenger tosses coins at plane for good luck, gets whole flight delayed

(Thanks to pharmaross)

CELEBRITY UPDATE

Justin opens the song with "Hi, I'm a baboon, I'm like a man, just less advanced and my anus is huge."

(Thanks to pharmaross)

STATESPERSONS OF THE WEEK SO FAR

Rival politicians accused each other of using drugs. The result was a showdown at a urinalysis lab.

Send them and their urine samples to Washington.

(Thanks to Rod Nunley and Hayseed Tom)

DUDE, THAT'S A NEARLY THREE-DAY SUPPLY

Oregon has 1 million pounds of unsold cannabis

(Thanks to Jay Brandes)

EVIDENTLY CHUCK E. CHEESE'S WAS CLOSED

Police break up massive brawl at Worlds of Fun

(Thanks to Al Barkafski)

SOON TO BE AN ACTION MOVIE

A man carrying a glass of beer has been rescued from the sea

They managed to persuade him to wade back to the shore, where he was met by the police and given suitable advice.

(Thanks to Jay Brandes)

IT WAS RELEASED AFTER PRODUCING A VALID FLORIDA DRIVER'S LICENSE

Monitor lizard removed from gas station toilet

(Thanks to Doug Ogg)

THE WHO?

The Hu Brings Mongolian Metal to No. 1 on Hard Rock Digital Song Sales Chart

(Thanks to Ralph, who says "Hu's on first.")

NAME THAT CONTINENT!

Snake devours huge frogmouth outside woman's window, disturbing video shows

(Thanks to Rod Nunley)

FATHER'S DAY IS COMING

Bulletproof Men's Underwear

(Thanks to Suzie Q Wacvet)

April 22, 2019

WHAT'S THAT SMELL?

Semi hauling human waste overturns on eastbound I-90

(Thanks to B'game, who says "It was eastbound for Washington, DC.")

WE SAW THEM OPEN FOR THE TROGGS

Ancient pee stains help pinpoint humans' switch from hunters to herders, study shows

(Thanks to pharmaross)

BUT MILKING THE TOAD CAN BE STRESSFUL

Smoking Psychedelic Toad Milk Could Alleviate Depression For Up To Four Weeks

(Thanks to Chris Johnson)

IN FLORIDA, THIS COUNTS AS VOTER SUPPRESSION

CNN reporter stomps Florida lizard during live report

(Thanks to pharmaross)

HOLY WEEK IN FLORIDA

The Easter Bunny literally beat someone up in downtown Orlando last night

April 21, 2019

HAPPY EASTER, BLOG PEEPS

Download

April 20, 2019

WHAT LANGUAGE IS THIS?

I think this is a translation of Lessons From Lucy, but I have no idea what it says. It doesn't seem to say "Lucy" anywhere.

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The dog looks kind of like Lucy, but psychedelic.

LIFE ON THE COCKROACH FARM

As farmer Li Bingcai opened the door to his cockroach farm in southwest China, an insect the size of a dart flew into his face.

(Thanks to Mark Schlesinger)

REST IN PEAS

Washington may become first state to legalize human composting

(Thanks to Mark Schlesinger)

THEY'RE ALSO A GREAT OPENING ACT

Glowing millipede genitalia help scientists tell species apart

(Thanks to Ralph)

April 19, 2019

DOO-DAH, DOO-DAH

Why Does Coffee Make You Poop?

(Thanks to Matt Filar)

DESPITE THE WIDESPREAD AVAILABILITY OF PSYCHIC MEDIUMS

Most people who die of natural causes do not seek medical help

(Thanks to John Gregg)

IT’S A MIRACLE

Drunk on smoke: Notre Dame's bees survive cathedral blaze

(Thanks to Hayseed Tom)

‘WE THE NIPPLE’

On June 2, between 100 and 200 people will gather in New York City, posing naked to challenge Instagram and Facebook's nudity policies.

(Thanks to pharmaross)

NOW WITH ADDED PROTEIN

McDonald's investigated after multiple claims of worms in soft drink cups: 'We're absolutely disgusted'

(Thanks to pharmaross)

FINALLY, SOME GOOD NEWS

Rare world's fattest parrot has record breeding season

(Thanks to Le Petomane)

ATTENTION STEPHEN KING

'Dead' dog digs out of its GRAVE and returns to its stunned Russian owners who'd buried it’

(Thanks to John Gregg)

HENCEFORTH IT WILL BE KNOWN AS ‘SWASTIKA WOODS’

Cherry Hills Village residents change name of ‘Swastika Acres’ subdivision

(Thanks to Jim Kenaston)

‘A DROOPY UNDERCARRIAGE’

Barbara the sheep has to wear a DD bra because her udders droop to the floor

(Thanks to pharmaross)

“HE SAID, ‘OW!’”

65-year-old woman beats half-naked, 300-pound man with bat

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson and Andrew Mendez)

 
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