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April 30, 2019
NEITHER OF THESE ITEMS SHOULD BE IN CIVILIAN HANDS
IN THAT CASE, MR. BOURNE — OR WHATEVER YOUR TRUE IDENTITY IS — YOU ARE FREE TO GO
Florida man gets drunk, tells cops he's Jason Bourne
(Thanks to Allen at Division)
April 29, 2019
THEY ARE PLANNING SOMETHING
Squirrel takes a ride on the subway in Boston
(Thanks to Dave Roe)
MICHIGAN MAN POPS CAR HOOD TO FIND 50 POUNDS OF PINECONES STORED BY SQUIRREL
(Thanks to Chris Elaine)
PAGING THE OREGON STATE HIGHWAY DIVISION
Whales trained by Russia's military may be harassing fishermen from NATO ally Norway
(Thanks to Fabian Matson)
ALSO, BEARS NEED TO STOP POOPING IN THE WOODS
Pope Francis urges hairdressers to stop gossiping
(Thanks to Jay Brandes)
SHE ALSO ATTACKED HIM WITH A VCR TAPE *AND* A LEAF BLOWER
(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson, who notes that “Amazingly, alcohol was involved.”)
WE DON’T KNOW HOW IT GOT THERE, BUT WE KNOW WHERE IT WAS HEADED
Driver abandons camper on pedestrian bridge over I-205
(Thanks to Not My Usual Alias)
SOUTH PEORIA: CITY OF PASSION
THE HAPPIEST PLACE ON EARTH
Child, adult taken to hospital after violent brawl at Chuck E. Cheese's
(Thanks to Greg Snow)
‘THE POWER OF THE WILLY’
Middlesbrough Council fills potholes after penis graffiti protest
(Thanks to pharmaross)
April 28, 2019
IN THAT CASE, SIR, FEEL FREE TO RESUME SHOPLIFTING
NOW YOU KNOW
No, Putting Garlic in Your Vagina Will Not Cure a Yeast Infection
(Thanks to many many people)
THE CHURCH ALSO SELLS VINTAGE CLOTHING AND RENTS ROLLER BLADES
Rastafarian church in Downtown Madison distributes cannabis as city tries to stop it
(Thanks to Rick Day)
TO NO ONE'S SURPRISE
Rich guys are most likely to have no idea what they’re talking about, study suggests
(Thanks to Alkali Bill and The Perts)
'THE ONLY THING HE LIKES MORE THAN CAT FOOD IS SEX'
Lusty peacock is on the loose (and on the prowl) in Loudoun Co.
(Thanks to Dave Kearns)
April 27, 2019
GUYS IN ACTION
THIS WOULD EXPLAIN SO MUCH
Oxford University professor claims aliens are already breeding with humans on earth
(Thanks to Le Petomane, Paul Pitrak, Mark Schlesinger and pharmross)
AND STAY OFF HIS LAWN
IT WAS TOTALLY ASKING FOR IT
Meth smoking Florida man attacks mattress in jealous rage yesterday
(Thanks to Bill Hudgins, pharmaross and Ralph)
A FLORIDA PILOT'S LICENSE IS ON THE WAY
April 26, 2019
WOMAN'S BEST FRIEND
"When you don't got 30p for the toilet."
(Thanks to Nancy Gill)
THE ORIGINAL TINDER
New study finds the egg may actually 'choose' the Sperm
(Thanks to Peter Metrinko, who says "This means that all faulty behavior of your teenage children can now be blamed exclusively on the mother.")
BOLO
IT IMMEDIATELY LAWYERED UP
Parrot taken into custody by police in Brazil for trying to warn drug dealers of raid
(Thanks to Steve K,. Ann, Ralph, DaninDallas and Not My Usual Alias)
OTHER THAN THAT IT'S A DELIGHTFUL VINTAGE
IT HAS FIRE COMING OUT OF THE CHIMNEY
Man with a disco shed on his head stalks the city streets
(Thanks to Ralph)
WHEN CATS START KILLING THEIR SLEEPING OWNERS...
(Thanks to Ralph)
April 25, 2019
IN THAT CASE, SIR, YOU ARE FREE TO WADDLE AWAY
BULLETIN BULLETIN BULLETIN
Judge Judy changes up her hair for the first time in decades
(Thanks to The Perts)
BOLO
LIBBY: CRIME HOTBED OF FLATHEAD COUNTY
8:48 a.m. A Libby resident reported that something mysterious fell down a chimney.
(Thanks to Stan Ruth)
INSECT GUYS IN ACTION
YOU WANT FRIES WITH THAT?
Hunter filmed ordering McDonald’s while carrying dead deer over his shoulder
(Thanks to Hayseed Tom and Allen at Division)
SURE, IT'S 'ADORABLE' UNTIL IT GETS HOLD OF HIS GUN
Adorable video shows squirrel clinging to police officer's leg
(Thanks to pharmaross)
AND THEN IT ATE THEM
People Stop Traffic To Help Enormous Snake Safely Cross The Road
(Thanks to Suzie Q Wacvet, who notes with surprise that this was not in Australia)
YET ANOTHER REASON TO BAN ELECTRONIC DANCE MUSIC
A preliminary analysis done by UM scientists show toadfish, a species that is common to Biscayne Bay with a physiology that lends itself to study of stress response, heard the music and exhibited acute stress levels during Ultra’s first day on Virginia Key. The report shows the fish were less stressed than if they were in a crowded tank but more stressed than if they heard the pop sounds from a dolphin, a species with a taste for toadfish.
(Thanks to Mark Schlesinger)
THEY SCARED IT AWAY BY THREATENING IT WITH HAGGIS
Kids find 7ft boa constrictor on their doorstep in Scotland
(Thanks to DaninDallas)
IT'S ABOUT DAMN TIME
Pennsylvania Honors the Snot Otter
(Thanks to Mark Schlesinger and LAschkenasy)
UPDATE
(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson, who informs this blog that he is "shocked.")
AND THIS WAS BEFORE THE DISCOVERY OF KETCHUP
Analysis of caveman’s poo reveals he ate an entire RATTLESNAKE
(Thanks to Michael Moyer, Rod Nunley, Matt Filar, pharmaross, Hayseed Tom, Le Petomane and Al Barkafski)
April 24, 2019
IDAHO: THE GLAMOUR STATE
Big Idaho Potato turned into a hotel
(Thanks to pharmaross and Matt Filar)
WE WERE PROMISED FLYING CARS
Plastic Surgeons Can Now Sculpt Belly Fat Into a Weird Chiseled Six-Pack
(Thanks to Andrew Mendez)
THESE KIDS TODAY
'EAT IT IF YOU WANT TO. YOUR GARBAGE IS COMING HOME.'
NAME THAT STATE!
BUT WAS IT COVERED BY INSURANCE?
Ambulance that hit pothole on way to hospital may have saved patient's life, doctors say
(Thanks to pharmaross and Dave Roe, who says "We must save about a million lives a year, where I live.") (Also Rod Nunley, who says "Oh, great, now they have a reason not to fix them.")
'I'M NOT SAYING THIS, HONEY. *SCIENCE* IS SAYING THIS.'
Housework could keep brain young, research suggests
(Thanks to Chris Elzi)
Also: Sex is the answer to a better night's sleep, researchers claim
(Thanks to Allen at Division)
JERSEY CARES
$17 MILLION SEEMS FAIR
Nicolas Cage’s wife of four days seeks spousal support
(Thanks to pharmaross)