Dave Barry's Blog

WAR IS IMMINENT

France uncovers massive Italian kiwi fraud

We saw them open for the Doors.

(Thanks to Rod Nunley and Dave Roe)

AMAZINGLY, IT WAS NOT EATEN BY A SNAKE

Giant Inflatable Cucumber Gets Into a Bit of a Pickle on Sydney Harbour

(Thanks to Roberto)

AT LEAST SHE DIDN'T WIND UP IN EDINBURGH

A drunk passenger on an American Airlines flight urinated on another passenger’s luggage.

(Thanks to pharmaross)

SIX OF ONE...

A British Airways flight destined for Dusseldorf in Germany has landed in Edinburgh by mistake, after the flight paperwork was submitted incorrectly.

The passengers only realised the error when the plane landed and the "welcome to Edinburgh" announcement was made.

(Thanks to Roberto)

IN THAT CASE, SIR, WELCOME ABOARD!

Naked Russian man tries to board plane claiming to be more ‘aerodynamic’ undressed

‘He said he flies with more agility when undressed.’

(Thanks to Bob Brogan, Ralph, John Lobert and Roberto)

THEY ALL POSSESS VALID FLORIDA DRIVERS' LICENSES

Thousands of poisonous toads are swarming a Palm Beach Gardens community, and it's leaving neighbors concerned.

(Thanks to Rick Day, Ralph, pharmaross, A. Wheeler and Le Petomane)

ATTENTION, IDIOTS:

Gucci selling $870 sneakers designed to look dirty

(Thanks to pharmaross)

WHILE SOME OF US STRUGGLE TO PICK UP THE NEWSPAPER

Vermont woman, 84, heading to Poland to compete in pole-vaulting championship

(Thanks to Hayseed Tom, we think)

EITHER THAT, OR IT WILL MAKE YOUR MIND THINK ABOUT SEX ALL THE TIME

Cam Newton Giving Up Sex for a Month; 'Hopes It Makes My Mind Stronger'

(Thanks to Steve K.)

THERE MAY BE A PARTY FIRST

The U.S. Coast Guard on Friday is planning to offload around 27,000 pounds of cocaine seized recently during operations off the coasts of Mexico, Central and South America.  The drugs have an estimated value of around $360 million and will be sent for destruction after it's brought to the Coast Guard's base in Miami Beach, Florida.

(Thanks to Not My Usual Alias, who says "so if there is another shutdown, the Coast Guard will get paid.")

 

THERE IS NOTHING LOWER

Thief steals 140 sap buckets in Vermont

(Thanks to pharmaross)

WHEN IRISH EYES ARE SMILING, DUDE

Wisconsin woman gives out marijuana-laced cookies during St. Patrick’s Day parade, police say

(Thanks to pharmaross)

THIS IS ALWAYS AN EFFECTIVE DISPUTE-RESOLUTION TACTIC

Angry at gym staff, man drives car through front window, almost striking employee, police say

A combination Florida license/gym membership card is on the way.

(Thanks to Barry Nester and Le Petomane)

BECAUSE WHAT WE NEED IS SOBER RATS

Scientists Have Cured Alcoholic Rats by Shooting Lasers at Their Brains

(Thanks to John Gregg)

APPETIZING!

Japanese Company Sells Jars of Honey Complete with Dead Giant Hornets

(Thanks to Ralph)

WE ARE LOSING THIS WAR, PEOPLE

Police: School bus driver was trying to avoid squirrels before crashing into tree and house

(Thanks to Vernon Bowen, DaninDallas, Kevin Smith, A. Wheeler and Le Petomane)

UNTIL NOW THEY HAD TO WRITE

Robots enable bees and fish to talk to each other

(Thanks to Le Petomane)

BUT IF YOU MUST, TAKE THEM OFF FIRST

Levi's CEO: Don't put your jeans in the freezer

(Thanks to Steve K.)

AN ISSUE FOR OUR TIMES

MillerCoors sues Bud Light over ongoing corn-syrup controversy

(Thanks to Le Petomane)

WE DIDN'T REALIZE THE COMMUNITY EVEN *HAD* STANDARDS

ANYTHING TO DECLARE?

Man arrested at airport for smuggling drugged orangutan in luggage

(Thanks to John Lobert)

ANYONE FOR A DIP?

Alleged trafficker had 7 sharks in backyard pool in Dutchess County

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)

AND THEY ALL HAVE VALID FLORIDA DRIVERS' LICENSES

Nearly 3,000 piglets on the loose after crash on I-70 in Illinois

(Thanks to Al Barkafski, Not My Usual Alias and Rod Nunley)

WELCOME, MONKEY SHOULDER

A distillery announced its giant mixing truck, which looks like a hybrid of a cement mixer and a martini shaker, is going on a tour of Florida.

(Thanks to Ralph)

SOON IT WILL BE FLYING AS A 'SERVICE ANIMAL'

Texas man brings steer to Petco to test ‘all leashed pets are welcome’ policy

(Thanks to Ralph, Suzie Q Wacvet and pharmaross)

OTHER THAN THAT THEY WORK GREAT

Chinese customers warned of electric shock risk from toilet seats

(Thanks to Ralph)

COME ON, YOU KNOW YOU WANT TO

Everybody's doing it: Google Florida Man and your birthday

(Thanks to Howard Cohen)

GUYS IN ACTION

Man accidentally shoots himself after throwing gun at cockroach to kill it

(Thanks to John Lobert)

AS IS HIS CONSTITUTIONAL RIGHT

A Florida man has been arrested after he allegedly shoved a woman when she wouldn't let him in the house to eat egg rolls.

(Thanks to pharmaross)

THEY WILL NOT STOP UNTIL HUMANITY HAS BEEN ELIMINATED

Squirrel attacks man at his Sarasota County home

(Thanks to pharmaross, Fabian Marson and Emily, Leslie and w)

WE'LL JUST GRAB A SODA FROM THE MACHINE, THANKS

1 in 5 office mugs contain faecal matter - and it's probably not your own

(Thanks to John Lobert and pharmaross)

THERE'S PROBABLY A PERFECTLY INNOCENT EXPLANATION

Alleged burglar found stuck in dentist office's ceiling on Long Island

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)

YOU HAVE THE RIGHT TO BUST A MOVE

CHP chase ends in suspect breakdancing

(Thanks to Le Petomane)

Another excuse for us to post this scene from Reno 911.

BUT THEY WERE CONSENTING LLAMA PUPPETS

Fall Out Boy Sued for Over-Using Llama Puppets

(Thanks to Kevin Smith)

THE NEWS FROM ABROAD

Marks and Spencer shoppers were shocked to see this season's Easter bunnies striking a rather 'suggestive' pose.

(Thanks to Roberto, who says "far worse than Brexit.")

THAT WILL DEFINITELY DO IT

‘Flat Earthers’ planning bizarre Antarctica trip to prove conspiracy theory

(Thanks to John Gregg)

CALIFORNIA TAX DOLLARS AT WORK

State Employees Confused By New ‘Riot’ Button In Elevators At Sacramento Building

(Thanks to Allen at Division)

IS THERE ANYTHING IN AUSTRALIA *BESIDES* SNAKES?

Tasty tangle as spotted black snake makes a meal of red-bellied black snake

(Thanks to Rick Day)

Update: OK, there's this.

(Thanks to Le Petomane and Dave Roe)

'IT WAS A GIFT SENT FROM THE HEAVENS'

'Magic fridge' full of cold beer found in flooded Nebraska field

(Thanks to Catherine DeLorey, Ann and pharmaross)

THE DOWNSIDE: YOU HAVE TO POUR KETCHUP ON YOUR HEAD

Study reveals chemical in McDonald's fries may be cure for baldness

(Thanks to Ralph)

FLORIDA LEADERSHIP UPDATE

Want to be mayor of Port Richey? Show up Tuesday. No felonies, please.

(Thanks to The Perts)

WE'RE ON OUR WAY

Burst pipe at a brewery floods street with beer

(Thanks to DaninDallas, who says "We're gonna need more pretzels.")

'TO GET SOME FACTS STRAIGHT NOTE THAT THIS PROCEDURE DOESN'T MAKE YOU DEAF'

Body modification enthusiast has half of his EARS removed for bizarre look

(Thanks to DaninDallas)

DUDE, WHERE DO WE APPLY?

Colorado marijuana and driving study: Volunteers get paid to get high

(Thanks to Jeffrey Brown)

AND IN SPORTS

Auburn Tigers dubbed winners of 'sex tournament' by Alabama TV station in on-air blunder

(Thanks to pharmaross)

AUSTRALIA IS UNIMPRESSED

A Texas homeowner saw a 'few' rattlesnakes and called for help. The removal company found 45 of them

(Thanks to pharmaross, Rod Nunley and Kevin Smith)

A FLORIDA LEARNER'S PERMIT IS ON THE WAY

13-year-old driver clocked at 100 mph in police chase in northern Idaho

(Thanks to Craig Roberts)

RYANAIR: CHUCK E. CHEESE'S OF THE SKY

Ryanair passenger ‘has nose bitten off’ when brawl kicks off on flight to Tenerife

(Thanks to Barry Nester)

HE LOOKS FINE TO US

West Topsham man charged with drugged driving

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)

MOO

Cow runs away from Indiana police, blocks traffic and goes to Chick-Fil-A

(Thanks to Jay Brandes, pharmaross and Stan Ruth, who says "Advertising works.")