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March 08, 2019

BRILLIANT

German police say officers called to investigate a murder arrived to find that the woman who had reported it just wanted someone to remove a car blocking her garage.

Rationale: "The woman thought, if she calls in a murder the police will get there faster."

Shocker: The woman, who was visibly drunk

(Thanks to Rod Nunley)

JUST WHAT THEY NEED DOWN THERE

Three new species of Aussie spiders discovered by peacock spider expert

(Thanks to Rod Nunley)

WHATEVER HAPPENED TO THE BILL OF RIGHTS?

The Chippewa County Road Commission has asked that whoever keeps throwing corn on the shoulders of an Upper Peninsula road to stop immediately.

(Thanks to Geoff)

OOPS

PROTIP: never be the person in charge of pouring the champagne tower.

(Thanks to John Lobert)

BEST SPORT EVER

Atherstone Ball.

(Thanks to Alkali Bill)

THERE'D ALSO BE NOBODY

If not for women, there'd be no tequila

(Thanks to Le Petomane)

WE SAW CCE OPEN FOR CCR

How a Detroit couple founded a chitlin-cleaning empire

(Thanks to Unholy Slacker)

'HE'S NOT APPEALING TO ME ALL OF A SUDDEN BECAUSE HE HAS THIS MONEY'

The ex-wife of an unemployed New Jersey man who just claimed his $273 million Mega Millions jackpot told the New York Post on Thursday that she has no plans to reunite with her ex despite his new-found wealth.

(Thanks to Al Barkafski)

IN THAT CASE, SIR...

'You could have shared, I’m already drunk.' NC man asked officer for confiscated Fireball Whiskey during arrest, report says.

(Thanks to Ann)

NOOOOOOO

Beer Truck Crash Spills Boxes of Modelo on Freeway Overpass

(Thanks to Rick Day)

Hundreds of cases of Fireball whiskey spilled onto Interstate 495 in Westborough Thursday when a tractor-trailer overturned, NBC Boston reported.

(Thanks to Glen Page)

HOW IS THIS DIFFERENT FROM WASHINGTON?

An experimental Swedish art project will pay you to do nothing for the rest of your life

(Thanks to Dave Roe)

THAT WILL SURELY SOLVE THE PROBLEM

Unsatisfied Wendy's customer pulls gun on worker at drive-thru window

(Thanks to John Lobert)

SUAVE

Making An Entrance: Man Interrupts Ceremony By Falling Through Glass Door

(Thanks to John Lobert)

WE SAW VOMIT WEAPON OPEN FOR THE RAMONES

Russian ship near Scotland: How does ‘vomit weapon’ work?

(Thanks to Ranald Adams)

PRESUMABLY ALL HEADED FOR FLORIDA

228 tickets over 120 mph is a lot, to say the least. Though the majority were between 122 and 129 mph, 89 drivers were ticketed in the 130+ range, and a full 27 brave Texans were nabbed crossing the 140-mph mark on public roads in 2018.

(Thanks to Rod Nunley)

AUSTRALIAAAAAAAAAAA

Stranded fishermen circled by croc in Kakadu river

(Thanks to Jim Perth)

CONFESSION TIME

A woman who was "dressed like a nun" and her husband were arrested Monday in Arizona on suspicion of trafficking nearly 10 pounds of fentanyl, officials said.

(Thanks to John Lobert)

 
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