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February 13, 2019


Chuck E. Cheese’s oddly shaped pizza ignites a bizarre conspiracy theory

(Thanks to John Lobert, Al Barkafski and Alkali Bill, who says "We are approaching peak Chuck E. Cheese's.")


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Honestly, Chuck E Cheese ignites a lot of folks, for various reasons, frequently and on many occasions.

I would say that if anyone pulled into a Chuck E. Cheese parking lot just as the EMT's were hauling someone away and was served a pizza with different looking slice sizes and pieces of mushrooms, it would be reason for concern.

I saw that this morning and almost sent it. I'd say Mr. Well Known YouTube Person has way too much time on his hands.

I'm assuming they cut the pizza into 12 pieces the fit the little kids' hands rather than some bizarre conspiracy reason. But then, I'm (relatively) normal.

I think the late Tim Wilson summed up the Chuck E Cheese experience better than anyone.
Chuck E Cheese Hell
He was one of my favorites and I miss him.

internet personality Shane Dawson, 30

Read: Mother's basement dweller Shane Dawson, 30.

Brilliant. Nursecindy, I remember attending a Chuck. E Cheese birthday party for one of my kid's friends and thinking: Yes, this is what hell will be like.

They cut the pizzas by hand with a standard hand-held wheel cutter and they're lazy about trying to do it evenly. It's that simple. Note that they cut the pie into 12 slices; that actually requires a little thought to do evenly. Were they to cut the pie into 8 slices instead (cut in half, cut each half in half, cut each of the four quarters in half), the slices would be more even. QED.

(Yes, I've spent some time working in a pizza shop.)

It's not the varying widths that are questionable; that's understandable. It's the variety of LENGTHS that's cause for concern. I think they have a point here. And there are Pepperoni pieces that should be split among adjacent slices, but aren't. I'm calling the Warren Commission. That's one magic slicer!

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