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February 05, 2019

THIS IS EXACTLY WHY WE HAVE NUCLEAR MISSILES

Google's sister company, Verily, might be making smart shoes that track your weight gain

(Thanks to Steve K)

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The smart footwear has sensors embedded to monitor activity levels

So if I walk around the house while chowing down a Costco-sized tub of pork rinds, the shoes will think I'm losing weight?

The GNC store at out mall used to have a scale in their doorway. Everytime you walked by it would ask if you'd checked your weight today. Pretty soon everybody started walking on the other side of the mall just so they wouldn't hear this stupid scale. Their sales must have gone down because the scale is gone now. I already have an iWatch that tracks my steps and activity level. No way am I buying a pair of shoes that tells me if I'm getting fat.

The footwear will monitor activity levels, detect weight increase, and falls.

Because your own feet can't tell when they're moving, when their load is getting heavier, or when there is a change from vertical to horizontal.

These are shoes for stupid feet.

It goes without saying that guilty feet have got no rhythm...

So if Verily gets together with Puma, you'd have a shoe that would refuse to let you put it on if you'd gained weight?

"I weigh 150 pounds, naked...assuming the scale in front of the drugstore is accurate."

Emo Phillips

We could have footwear that balances a checkbook or does our taxes, but instead we have this. Who needs fat-shaming footwear ?

"Liar, Liar, shoes on fire".

And they broadcast 'get off of me' to alert you to the fact you're gaining weight

I just use a mirror.

"Gee, Mom, I'd love to carry the trash to the curb, but my shoes will go berserk with the extra weight."

A nice touch would be to have the shoes comment whether the slacks you have on make you look fat.

Google's fairy godmother company, YAY!, announced a joint venture with the proposed smart shoe, which would emphasize the positives about the wearer to balance any expected negative reports from the shoe.

The project has been named YAY!, Verily.

I'd rather have ….. Happy Feet!!!
cue Steven Martin crazy dance

Speaking of Steve Martin, this sounds like his book, "Cruel Shoes"

I used to check my weight on the scale at the vet's whenever I brought the dog in for a checkup, as this machine was really more accurate than the old "nurse keeps sliding bigger and bigger weights to the side" manual scale at the doc's. However, in recent years, I began to question the accuracy of the pet scale, as well as notice just how much it resembles those roadside weigh scales found at truck stops.

I also started quoting my body weight in British measurements, but I figured that if the "stones" they are talking about are equivalent to the stones at Stonehenge, I ain't foolin' nobody but myself.

Oh, and BTW, *Bravo!* to MOTW for the two-fer!

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