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February 19, 2019

TOO BAD HE WASN'T SEATED BENEATH THE SCORPION

Passenger strips to boxers and removes his socks for duration of flight

(Thanks to funny man)

NO DOUBT HEADED FOR AUSTRALIA

Passengers spot giant scorpion crawling out of overhead bin on plane

(Thanks to Bob Brogan)

'RATHER UNUSUAL STOP'

Amesbury Police said they responded to a report of drag racing motorcycles in Wiltshire and ended up discovering the bikes were racing against a New Holland T6 175 tractor.

(Thanks to Bob Brogan)

GERMANY ON HIGH ALERT

It’s now easier than ever in France to act out “Star Wars” fantasies, because its fencing federation has borrowed from a galaxy far, far away and officially recognized lightsaber dueling as a competitive sport

(Thanks to The Perts and Andrew Mendez)

THE NEWS FROM DOWN UNDER

Melbourne mum outraged by ‘willy’ on toy lion

(Thanks to Ralph and pharmaross)

FLORIDA IS ALSO AVAILABLE

More than 7,000 sign petition to sell Montana to Canada for $1 trillion to pay down national debt

"Just tell them it has beavers or something."

(Thanks to Howard from Broward)

O THE HUMANITY

Tractor-trailer hauling 40K pounds of broccoli overturns on metro Atlanta interstate

(Thanks to Jay Brandes)

February 18, 2019

IT WAS RELEASED AFTER PRODUCING A VALID FLORIDA DRIVER'S LICENSE

A rattlesnake in Florida ended up in the back of a police car.

(Thanks to Tim! Stern)

STRONG NAME, DUDE

Guard alligator ‘El Chompo’ protected drugs for Pennsylvania dealers, prosecutors say

SO THAT'S WHAT THEY'RE CALLING THEM THESE DAYS

10,000 naked men reach out to grab lucky sticks for 2019

(Thanks to funny man)

COMING SOON

Massive menstrual flow character will be Japan’s newest movie star

(Thanks to Ralph)

WHAT COULD POSSIBLY GO WRONG?

Los Angeles City Council’s president suggests to deploy ‘army of cats’ to deal with rat situation

Coincidentally, we once saw Army of Cats open for Rat Situation.

(Thanks to pharmaross)

Related: Researchers Create ‘Rat Cyborgs’ That People Control With Their Minds

(Thanks to Jay Brandes)

MAYBE IT'S TIME FOR SCIENTISTS TO JUST SHUT UP

Burnt toast could be more toxic than TRAFFIC FUMES, scientists warn

(Thanks to Slim Chance and Mark Schlesinger, who says "Unplug me before I kill again.")

It's Not Just Toast That Wants To Kill Us: Cooking a Sunday roast can drive indoor air pollution far above the levels found in the most polluted cities on Earth, scientists have said.

(Thanks to Ann)

COLD

Woman claims ex-boyfriend gave her dress to his mom after they split, and how she's 'wearing it on nights out'

(Thanks to pharmaross)

BOLO

Officials say 37-year-old Christopher Hancock was robbed of his pants, which he claimed contained $10,000, while meeting up with a woman for sex.

The Good News: Hancock told investigators he and his girlfriend have an open relationship, which includes having sex with other people.

(Thanks to Kevin Smith and Woozy Barnes)

BUT IT WAS A CONSENTING SNOWBANK!

Suspects in custody after Porsche mounts snowbank in Mississauga

(Thanks to N.N.)

February 17, 2019

THIS IS TOTALLY LEGAL IN FLORIDA

A driver was stopped by police and ticketed Thursday after police say she attempted to pass off a pack of Camel 99 cigarettes as an official New Hampshire inspection sticker.

(Thanks to Ralph)

‘I DRINK FROM SMALL TO BIG’

Chinese coconut milk company forced to change ad claiming drink increases breast size

(Thanks to pharmaross)

 

SO IT CAN LEGALLY DRIVE IN FLORIDA

Couple proudly show off their giant cabbage which is the same size as a person

(Thanks to John Lobert)

TOURIST SEASON

Man points gun at Disney guests in fight for disabled parking space at Animal Kingdom, report says

(Thanks to pharmaross, who says “It’s the happiest place on earth!”)

February 16, 2019

AMERICA IS GETTING GREATER AND GREATER

A Tampa man reported an income of $18,497. The IRS sent him a refund check for $980,000.

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)

BAD BONNIE!

This dog got more than she bargained for when she tore open a parcel meant for a neighbour and discovered a six-inch sex toy.

(Thanks to John Lobert)

PRETTY GREAT

Westminster without the dogs.

(Thanks to John Lobert)

THEY SOUND FUN

A couple from Benedict is accused of consistent urination at I-80 rest areas in York County which resulted in the damage of public property.

(Thanks to Hayseen Tom, who says “I was expecting a livestream.”)

GUYS IN ACTION

Kentucky man mistakenly gets wife turnips instead of tulips

(Thanks to John Lobert)

KIDS LOVE ‘EM

Florida men accused of trafficking cocaine to Ohio inside boxes of Lunchables

(Thanks to Steve K, who says “Those are pretty good snacks, dude.”)

WE CAN’T WAIT FOR THE LIAM NEESON MOVIE

An octogenarian tackled a burglar who attempted to steal his model railway collection and sat on him with his wife until police arrived to make an arrest, a court heard

(Thanks to Rod Nunley)

THE NEWS FROM ASIA

Doctor who wrongly filled balloon with gas before it burst inside Hong Kong woman’s anus ‘may have been distracted’

This has been The News From Asia.

(Thanks to pharmaross)

WE SAW THE SPACE HARPOONS OPEN FOR PRETEND JUNK

A harpoon flung from a satellite has successfully captured a piece of pretend junk in an experiment that could have major implications for how we clean up the huge mess people have made in outer space.

(Thanks to The Perts)

‘BELLY BUSTING’ WAS INVOLVED

York man accused of strangling his brother during Valentine’s Day fight over flowers

(Thanks to Al Barkafski)

February 15, 2019

CANADA SINKS EVEN DEEPER INTO CHAOS

The remarkable theft of about 30,000 litres of iceberg water from a vodka company warehouse in Newfoundland has bewildered the firm’s owners.

(Thanks to Roberto)

APPARENTLY THEY ARE NOT CONCERNED ABOUT CATS

National Weather Service issues 'small dog warning' due to 50-mph winds

(Thanks to Ralph)

COLOR US SHOCKED

Another doorbell licker was caught on camera, this time in Florida

(Thanks to pharmaross and John Criswell)

AND IN SPORTS

Big goldfish caughtwith a biscuit in Ky.

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson, who says “We’re gonna need a bigger bowl.”)

‘I’M FIXIN’ TO BLOW IT UP’

Bathroom Warning Mistaken For Bomb Threat At Home Depot

(Thanks to Kevin Smith, Anna Williams, The Perts, Al Barkafski, elseabs, pharmaceuticals, Another Ralph, pharmaross and Michael Parry)

HARD TO ARGUE

Just a thought - If Lorne Grabher's daughter married David Assman her hyphenated last name would be 'Grabher-Assman'.

Have a nice day.

Dave N.

February 14, 2019

CANADIAN WILDLIFE AND WINTER SPORTS REPORT

Sledding teen collides with rat in mid-air

(Thanks to Bob Brogan, who says "Rodent launching capability by we know who.")

NAME THAT STATE!

The woman on Jan. 27 reportedly hurled a remote at a 62-year-old woman, knocking that woman’s dentures out

(Thanks to pharmaross)

BREAKING UPDATE ON THE BIG CANADIAN ASSMAN CONTROVERSY

After SGI denied his latest request for an 'ASSMAN' vanity licence plate, the Melville man had an oversized decal designed to replicate the plate in question.

(Thanks to Jay Brandes, Roberto, Stan Ruth and pharmaross)

HERE'S OUR THOUGHT: NO

Online Store Sells $650 “Thought Box” That You Put Over Your Head to Just Think

It does come with a Thought Stool.

(Thanks to Ralph)

IT'S A DREAM COME TRUE

For $5,000 You Can Hunt Bigfoot With Jose Canseco

(Thanks to Matt Filar)

February 13, 2019

TOTALLY UNDERSTANDABLE

Son sets mother’s home ablaze allegedly over Cheez-Its

CATCH OF THE DAY

A man dubbed the "cupid of chaos" was arrested in Ohio and is accused of being married to at least four women in as many states, authorities said Tuesday.

No wonder:

190212-michael-middleton-ac-529p_beb37426adc8bc9541d08844bfcccadf.fit-360w

(Thanks to pharmaross and Andrew Mendez, who says "Sorry ladies, he's not available.")

THIS JUST IN

A pair of holidaymakers got more than they bargained for when they witnessed an Indonesian volcano erupt in the shape of a giant penis.

(Thanks to John Lobert and pharmaross)

TIME FOR CONGRESSIONAL HEARINGS AND, IF NECESSARY, FEDERAL TROOPS

Chuck E. Cheese’s oddly shaped pizza ignites a bizarre conspiracy theory

(Thanks to John Lobert, Al Barkafski and Alkali Bill, who says "We are approaching peak Chuck E. Cheese's.")

YOU KNOW YOU WANT TO JOIN THE PARTY

Just make sure you observe the dress code.

(Thanks to Jim Kenaston)

OOPS

Fleeing Waterville bank robber slips, spills money, gun in front of special agent, police say

(Thanks to Mr. Ted Habte-Gabr)

THIS BLOG HAS A NEW HERO

Guitarist’s hair catches fire on stage, but he keeps playing

(Thanks to Steve K)

JERSEY!

New Jersey burglary suspect flips off camera in mugshot

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson, who says "It's the way they say hello.")

WE SAW ANCIENT MUCUS TRAIL OPEN FOR THE STONES

Ancient mucus trail led to oldest evidence of mobility on Earth

(Thanks to Ralph)

 
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