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February 05, 2019

THIS IS EXACTLY WHY WE HAVE NUCLEAR MISSILES

Google's sister company, Verily, might be making smart shoes that track your weight gain

(Thanks to Steve K)

IT'S THE ONLY RATIONAL RESPONSE

A man accused of breaking windshield wipers and windshields on several cars in a Pasco County parking lot told deputies he did it because he was angry he couldn't remember where he parked his own car.

We assume you know what state Pasco County is located in.

(Thanks to funny man and pharmaross)

GOOD, BECAUSE WE'RE RUNNING LOW

Coast Guard To Offload 17 Tons Of Cocaine In Florida

For Miami, that's almost a two-day supply.

(Thanks to pharmaross)

RIGHT NOW IT'S VISITING DISNEY WORLD

The magnetic north pole is on the move

(Thanks to The Perts)

RIGHT, THAT WILL DEFINITELY WORK

Hawaii considers raising legal smoking age - to 100

(Thanks to pharmaross)

SOON TO BE A MAJOR MOTION PICTURE STARRING NICOLAS CAGE

They were defrosting leopard seal poo...you won't believe what happened next!

(Thanks to Allen at Division and pharmaross)

NAME THAT STATE!

Woman Battered Beau With Pork Chop

(Thanks to Woozy Barnes, pharmaross and Barry Nester)

IT'S A START

Grey squirrel is on the menu, as diners turn to the wild meat to help boost the reds

(Thanks to Ranald Adams, B'game, Michael Moyer, Woozy Barnes, Michael Parry, Ralph, Kevin Smith, Le Petomane, pharmaross, R. Wolfe and elseabs)

Possibly Related: Hot pink flying squirrels? Wisconsin biologist shocked to find creatures glow in the dark

(Thanks to Jollymon, Jeff Matthews and Matt Filar)

THE NEWS FROM AUSTRALIA

"My biggest concern is getting eaten," Mr Roberts said.

But crocodiles aren't the only hazards lurking in floodwaters.

"Before you start playing in floodwaters you should always remember the distinct possibility you could be wading in your neighbour's faeces," Queensland Police tweeted. "Yes. Their faeces."

This has been The News From Australia.

(Thanks to Charles Cates and Nigel Grout)

IT INVOLVES VERY LARGE SPEAKERS AND A RECORDING OF 'COPACABANA'

Russian Navy has new weapon that makes targets hallucinate, vomit

(Thanks to Rob Simbeck, who says "Beer can do this, too.")

 
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