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January 10, 2019


Man walks into McDonald's with a dead raccoon

(Thanks to pharmaross)


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"Is that a dead raccoon, dude?"

"Yeah. Could you throw it on the grill for me?"

"Now somewhere in the hills of San Francisco
There lived a young boy named Rocky Raccoon.
And one day his woman ran off with another guy -
Hit young Rocky in the eye.
Rocky didn't like that.
He said,'I'm gonna get that boy,'
So one day he walked into town,
Got run over by a car, and this crazy &@$?! picked him up and carried his carcass into, of all places, McDonald's...

I picked up my bag and went lookin' for a place to hide
When I saw old Carmen with a dead raccoon at his side
And I said, "Hey Carmen, come on will you go downtown?"
She said, "Well I gotta go but my friend can stick around.

Worst. Service. Animal. Ever.

"This parrot is dead,,,"
"No, sir, that is a racoon..."

Employee: "Sir, you're going to have to remove that dead raccoon from the premises."
"He's not dead, he's just resting"
"Sir, that raccoon has expired, ceased to exist."
"It's a perfectly good raccoon, he just sleeps a lot, besides he's my emotional support best friend."
"Uh sir, I'll trade you a happy meal and a nice milkshake for your napping raccoon."
Customer shrugs his shoulders. "OK, but I usually get a Big Mac Meal for sleeping snakes."

"You guys! I caught the Hamburglar!"

Worse than cockroach infestation?

No thanks. We get our raccoons from a wholesaler.


Customer: "No sank yu. He come with his own flies, sank yu. Yu C..."

Still better than the food at ***REDACTED***

McDonald's is test marketing a new concept...
Bring Your Own Meat.
I'm Lovin It!

*Taxes and skinning surcharges apply.

(Arby's is mulling a competitive response with farm fresh squirrels). "WE HAVE THE MEATS!"

And the waiter says "Can I help you, sir?".
And the raccoon "Can you get this wart off my back?"

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