TIME FOR STRICT FEDERAL CONTROLS
Driver arrested for being under the influence of vanilla extract
(Thanks to Ralph)
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January 26, 2019
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"But," she likely mumbled in a sort of whine, in her jail cell, "it was supposed to seamlessly cover up the alcohol..."
Posted by: Steve Dzama | January 26, 2019 at 11:59 AM
There already is strict Federal controls: Vanilla Extract must be at least 35 percent alcohol (aka 70 proof, same as run) and some is 40 percent (aka 80 proof). I used to find discarded bottles when cleaning up the highway by my house. I couldn't figure it out until I read the label. I figure teens were buying vanilla extract ("Mom's making banana bread.") and driving around while they drink. Vanilla extract costs $2.50 an ounce while an excellent single-malt scotch can be had for $2 ounce. And vanilla extract tastes terrible. Or so I'm told.
Posted by: Or So I'm Told | January 26, 2019 at 12:16 PM
Arresting officers did note that she had the best breath of any DWI bust they could remember.
Posted by: Le Petomane | January 26, 2019 at 12:21 PM
If she had been on Facebook it would have been worse. The breath of vanilla extract and pee is far worse than an an in-flight filtered fart.
Posted by: manual tomato | January 26, 2019 at 12:44 PM
Chocolate extract is much preferable.
nursecindy told me.
Posted by: Jeff Meyerson | January 26, 2019 at 01:22 PM
She was out partying with the Barefoot Contessa, who has been known to brew her own Brown Lightening.
Posted by: K | January 26, 2019 at 01:31 PM
Alcoholic screwballs take mouthwash into big box store bathrooms and drink it, so why not vanilla extract ?
Posted by: Clankie | January 26, 2019 at 02:07 PM
Tom Hanks quote from Family Ties (he played an alcoholic brother to the Mom - what's her name) after he downs a bottle of vanilla extract: "Don't bake and drive."
Posted by: Ms. Flukey | January 26, 2019 at 11:00 PM
or you could eat some combination of many creme brûlées and vanilla puddings to get the same effect. Maybe with more calories.
Posted by: Cheesewiz | January 27, 2019 at 01:41 PM
So would the expert witnesses for a trial be Ben & Jerry?
Posted by: Burt Macklin, FBI | January 27, 2019 at 01:51 PM