TIME FOR STRICT FEDERAL CONTROLS

Driver arrested for being under the influence of vanilla extract

(Thanks to Ralph)

Comments

[Steve Dzama]

"But," she likely mumbled in a sort of whine, in her jail cell, "it was supposed to seamlessly cover up the alcohol..."

[Or So I'm Told]

There already is strict Federal controls: Vanilla Extract must be at least 35 percent alcohol (aka 70 proof, same as run) and some is 40 percent (aka 80 proof). I used to find discarded bottles when cleaning up the highway by my house. I couldn't figure it out until I read the label. I figure teens were buying vanilla extract ("Mom's making banana bread.") and driving around while they drink. Vanilla extract costs $2.50 an ounce while an excellent single-malt scotch can be had for $2 ounce. And vanilla extract tastes terrible. Or so I'm told.

[Le Petomane]

Arresting officers did note that she had the best breath of any DWI bust they could remember.

[manual tomato]

If she had been on Facebook it would have been worse. The breath of vanilla extract and pee is far worse than an an in-flight filtered fart.

[Jeff Meyerson]

Chocolate extract is much preferable.

nursecindy told me.

[K]

She was out partying with the Barefoot Contessa, who has been known to brew her own Brown Lightening.

[Clankie]

Alcoholic screwballs take mouthwash into big box store bathrooms and drink it, so why not vanilla extract ?

[Ms. Flukey]

Tom Hanks quote from Family Ties (he played an alcoholic brother to the Mom - what's her name) after he downs a bottle of vanilla extract: "Don't bake and drive."

[Cheesewiz]

or you could eat some combination of many creme brûlées and vanilla puddings to get the same effect. Maybe with more calories.

[Burt Macklin, FBI]

So would the expert witnesses for a trial be Ben & Jerry?