Dave Barry's Blog

GOOD TIMES IN PHUKET

Free lager as people race to 'help clear the road' after beer truck overturns

(Thanks to pharmaross)

WE'RE NUMBER ONE

Walking? You’re risking your life in Florida, the deadliest state for pedestrians

(Thanks to DaninDallas and Jon Harris)

RUSSELL BAKER

Russell Baker, a great writer whose column I used to read obsessively, died Monday. Here's his obituary in The New York Times, where he worked for most of his career. Besides being wondrously talented, he was a truly nice guy; I was fortunate enough to get to know him a little, thanks to our mutual friendship with Art Buchwald.

HIs humor was a marvelous blend of wry and surreal, with just a touch of woeful. The Times obit includes a great anecdote: Russell was speaking to some college students, and somebody asked him what courses a journalism school should teach. He replied: “The ideal journalism school needs only one course. Students should be required to stand outside a closed door for six hours. Then the door would open, someone would put his head around the jamb and say, ‘No comment.’ The door would close again, and the students would be required to write 800 words against a deadline.”

Best possible answer. Another great one is gone.

SO HOW WAS YOUR FLIGHT?

Fliers on a recent Russian flight were subjected to a particularly horrifying experience after a 'drunk' man urinated in the middle of the plane aisle.

We're not sure why 'drunk' is in quotes.

(Thanks to pharmaross)

GUYS IN ACTION

Man wrecks own home with ax after fit over action figures

Surprising Detail: He reportedly told detectives that he was drinking too much

(Thanks to Matt Filar and Not My Usual Alias, who says "In his defense, calling 911 on himself shows that he might be Canadian.")

IRONICALLY CAUSED BY THE VERY SAME MOON THEY WERE WATCHING

An SUV ended up in the water at a Florida beach when its occupants were too distracted by the lunar eclipse to watch the tide.

(Thanks to Jon Harris and Ralph)

AHEM

Oscar Mayer in search of next Wienermobile driver

(Thanks to Don Koury and Unholy Slacker)

SUCH A WASTE

...some of these treatments happen involve soaking away those daily stresses in hot tubs filled with beer.

(Thanks to Allen at Division)

IT IS ONLY A MATTER OF TIME BEFORE CANADA AND NORWAY GO TO WAR

Mac the Moose considers stilettos or hat to reclaim 'world's tallest moose' title

(Thanks to Roberto)

SUNSHINE STATE SPORTS UPDATE

Famous 15-foot gator named 'Chubbs' returns to Florida golf course

(Thanks to Bob Brogan)

WE MIGHT AS WELL TEAR UP THE CONSTITUTION

Smoking crack, sex while driving land Nashua man under arrest in Manchester

(Thanks to pharmaross)

THINKING ABOUT BUYING A BARCALOUNGER FOR DAD?

Dad doesn't want a Barcalounger. Dad wants this.

(Thanks to Michael Moyer)

SOUTH FLORIDA WILDLIFE: WILDER THAN YOUR WILDLIFE

This was hanging on our front door this morning:

SHE WANTED IT TO HAVE AN OPPORTUNITY TO DRIVE LEGALLY

Pennsylvania Woman Tried To Kidnap Kangaroo From Petting Zoo, Take It To Florida, Police Say

(Thanks to pharmaross)

NOT WEIRD AT ALL!

A funeral for dead robot dogs

(Thanks to funny man)

'BEYOND THE SCOPE OF MY RESPONSIBILITIES'

Flight attendant says overweight passenger forced her to wipe his butt

(Thanks to funny man)

FLORIDAAAAAAAAAAA

A Florida police department says an officer ran over two people who were lying in a dark roadway to watch Sunday night's lunar eclipse.

(Thanks to pharmaross and funny man)

FIGHTING CRIME IN WASHINGTON STATE

The state Department of Transportation has replaced some mile-marker signs with the numbers 68.9 or 419.9, or removed mileposts 69 and 420 altogether, to combat thefts.

(Thanks to Lynn Burlingame)

THIS HAPPENS FAR TOO OFTEN

'Nun with duffel bag' drops 'severed goat head' on pavement outside Cheltenham pub

(Thanks to Roger in Cheltenham, England)

BUT YOU KNOW WHO GAVE THE ORDER

Video shows moose chasing skiers Saturday at Breckenridge Ski Resort

(Thanks to coscolo)

UPDATE ON THE PHO KEENE GREAT

N.H. Vietnamese restaurant allowed to hang sign with profane-sounding pun

(Thanks to Geoff)

THEY DON'T MAKE 'EM LIKE THEY USED TO

Stone circle thought to be thousands of years old was built in the 1990s

(Thanks to John Lobert)

'SUPER POOPERS'

Study finds stool transplants from some donors are far more effective than others

(Thanks to Michael Moyer)

'NOT SURPRISINGLY, ALCOHOL MAY HAVE BEEN INVOLVED'

Passenger Who Jumped 11 Stories Off Cruise Ship Hopes He Doesn’t Inspire Others

(Thanks to Doug in Sacramento)

FIRST BREXIT, AND NOW THIS

Eels in the Thames left hyperactive after Londoners on cocaine urinate into waste water

(Thanks to Roberto)

Now, more than ever, Britain needs Prime Minister Batman.

(Thanks to Ralph)

THE NEWS FROM STROUD

Massive beef-flavoured Hula Hoop found in Stroud

This has been The News From Stroud.

(Thanks to Ralph)

BEHIND THE ALLEGED MUSIC

In preparation for the Rock Bottom Remainders' forthcoming "gig" (musician lingo) in Minneapolis, some band members gathered in Stephen King's garage (really) to practice "chords," which are these things that sometimes unexpectedly pop up in songs. From left are Ridley Pearson, Greg Iles, Steve and yours truly. And yes, Stephen King really does have boxes coming out of his head. That's where he gets his ideas. 

ONCE AGAIN CANADA DELIBERATELY RATCHETS UP INTERNATIONAL TENSIONS

Canada wants to reclaim moose statue record from Norway

(Thanks to Ralph)

BEER MAKING NEWS

Vermont cops confiscate beer from minors, then drink it

(Thanks to EricY)

DOCTORS SAVED MAN'S LIFE BY PUMPING 15 CANS OF BEER INTO HIS BODY

(Thanks to John Gregg)

THEY ALSO BURNED ECSTASY AND METH

Police Accidentally Get Everyone High After Burning 3 Tons of Marijuana

(Thanks to Jane Linderman)

WE HAVE MISSILES. LET'S USE THEM.

Glowing space billboards could show ads in the night sky

(Thanks to Fabian Marson and Michael Parry)

WE HOPE IT WASN'T EXTRA CRISPY

A Jacksonville KFC worker committed restaurant health violations, then was arrested after hitting a customer with chicken, police say.

(Thanks to Chris Elzi)

WE THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME

The Wiggles release long-awaited toilet training song

(Thanks to Emily, Leslie and w)

OTHER THAN THAT IT WAS A LOVELY AFFAIR

Man mortified after his phone plays porn at girlfriend's sister's wedding

(Thanks to John Lobert)

THE NEWS FROM VULCAN TOWN

Vulcan Town council supports placing Klingon Bird of Prey model in town

The Klingon Bird of Prey model will get visitors across the railway tracks, said Wisener. “So, when people come to see the Enterprise, they’ll come see the Bird of Prey,” he said.

(Thanks to funny man)

THE LINE FORMS HERE

Cops in the Allentown, Pa., suburb posted an ad on their Facebook page seeking three “volunteers” to drink hard liquor in excess and maybe even mouth off to arresting officers without consequence.

(Thanks to The Amazing Steve)

SEND THEM TO WASHINGTON

Japan’s robot hotel lays off half the robots after they created more work for humans

(Thanks to Art Silverman)

HE REQUIRES A NEW 'FRIEND' EVERY THREE TO FOUR WEEKS

Emotional Support Alligator Makes New Friends At Assisted-Living Facility

(Thanks to DaninDallas, Jane Linderman and Jim Kenaston)

CHECK YOUR EARPLUGS, MINNEAPOLIS

The Remainders are coming.

IT'S GOOD TO STAY ACTIVE, DUDE

75-year-old Florida man accused of selling pounds of marijuana every day

(Thanks to pharmaross)

WHOEVER COULD HAVE FORESEEN THIS?

Maker of 'fun' toy bomb apologizes, halts sales following complaints

(Thanks to Jay Brandes)

THIS BLOG'S RELATIONSHIP IS IN EXCELLENT SHAPE, THEN

How making fun of your partner can make your relationship stronger, science says

(Thanks to funny man)

AUSTRALIAN WOMEN: BRAVER THAN YOU

A beer drinker was surprisingly nonplussed after a massive spider made its way onto their glass and then across their hand.

(Thanks to Mac Turl)

FLORIDA LICENSES ARE ON THE WAY

Women caught twerking on the hood of a moving SUV

(Thanks to pharmaross)

THEY WERE HEADED TO FLORIDA (REALLY)

Two men fail to disguise 160 pounds of marijuana with air freshener in luggage at Nashville Airport

(Thanks to Bill Hudgins)

GUESS THE STATE

...someone said a man wearing only shoes and underwear, was rolling around the parking lot in an office chair.

(Thanks to pharmaross)

SECURITY 'NOTICED A BULGE'

Israel-bound flier caught at Berlin airport with boa constrictor in his pants

(Thanks to Barry Nester)

ADVISORY:

Stay out of the Pacific Ocean.

(Thanks to Jay Brandes)

HO HUM

Deadly snake spotted devouring huge lizard on Australian beach

(Thanks to John Lobert, who says "In other news, water is wet.")

THAT'S HIS STORY, ANYWAY

Guy on Ambien accidentally proposes to girlfriend, wakes up and doesn't remember any of it

(Thanks to Wolverine, who says "This definitely belongs on the warning label.")