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January 23, 2019


Man wrecks own home with ax after fit over action figures

Surprising Detail: He reportedly told detectives that he was drinking too much

(Thanks to Matt Filar and Not My Usual Alias, who says "In his defense, calling 911 on himself shows that he might be Canadian.")


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Now he will have to sell all of those action figures to replace the stuff he wrecked.

His plan for revenge went awry. Why did he hatchet in the first place?

I'm predicting a split in his relationship with his wife.

Is there a support group for out of control, addicted action figure collectors?

He used a "log-splitting ax"?

Was his name Honest Abe, by any chance?

Millenial meltdowns are fun to watch, but they are becoming much too common.

He should go to Times Square and watch the action figures attack each other in real life.


Police: So you're 34 years old and still play with dolls?
Man (ready to swing the ax): They're ACTION FIGURES!

Of course, it happened in Madison. Proposed city motto: "77 square miles surrounded by reality."

The wife was later found unharmed hiding under the car.

Does he perchance have a treehouse clubhouse with a "NO GIRLS ALLOWED" sign on it?

Couldn't have happened without the Kung-Fu grip.

Is Paul Bunyan an action figure?

All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy...

In court he will plead NGI Joe.

Was he last seen boarding an Aeroflot plane?

David H, a true Madisonian may have called 911 on himself, but when the cops arrived he would demanded a press conference to announce that this was all intended as a protest against the fascist anti-action doll government, particularly Mayor Red Skull and Governor Sauron.

Hang tight, ladies. He will soon become available.

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