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December 04, 2018

ROMANCE IN THE CONNECTICUT LANDSCAPING SCENE

When she went back into the home this time, she found Somley naked and dribbling maple syrup on his body, police said.
Police said the woman confessed that this sight was a “turn on” for her and she demanded to be allowed to participate.
In addition to the syrup, police said the couple engaged in foreplay with blueberry jelly.

(Thanks to Allen at Division)

Comments

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And my mom always said "Don't play with your food". She was wrong I see.

Sounds like a fun lady. Hey, I promise not to video it!

Once you demand to be allowed to participate in the maple syrup 'turn on' you know recorded foreplay with blueberry jelly is bound to occur.

Stop, you're making me hot.

Mr. & Mrs. Butterworth at it again....

My first thought was about how I'd kill him if he got that syrup and blueberry jelly on my floors and furniture.

This reads like the worlds worst romance novel. No wonder they write fiction and not non-fiction.

Apparently they never stopped "loading wood".

So glad that this encounter did not take place in my neighborhood IHOP.

Was it a dark and stormy night?

Strawberry pop-tart filling would really make it a hot time.

It wasn't a dark and stormy night. The night was silent as black silk and she could hear the building drop of hot maple syrup as it rolled gently to the edge of the Imported china cup to eventually trickle down her waiting breasts.
Oh, the memories that cup had held. The last time he brought it down from his imported walnut china cabinet, it had held an exquisite tea made only from organic leaves that clung to struggling trees for only a few precious feet on the side of an unnamed Chinese mountain range.

Meanwhile, from his command post, Captain Green couldn't help but gloat. He had finally cornered the villain that had wantonly destroyed acres of helpless leafy thingies.

He smiled and pushed the big red attack button.

Bravo Le Petomane!

way to go, Le P...

Bulwer-Lytton material, for sure!

After reading Le Petomane's semi-short novel, the part about eventually trickle down her waiting breasts made me hungry. I settled for a few non-descript but stimulating Fig Newtons. Ok, the filling was a 'turn on'.

Of course, at IHOP you'd get a choice of syrup flavors...

Nice, LeP!

"I'm going to run some errands, ... I'll leave the door unlocked in case you sketchy landscapers need a break from laying wood or whatever." ... said SOMEONE apparently!

Eew, these people are disgusting.


I mean, blueberry jelly?

Jelly or jam?

Michael, it could have been Kentucky Jelly

Oh, I forgot. Midwest geezer alert.

Le Petomane has had several hours to work and I see He has not released his next semi-short erotic novel. If you have to, plagiarize something with waiting breasts.

Yeah, I'm with AmoebaStampede: the blueberry jelly is a deal breaker with me.

Great Job, Le Pet!

I am taking a blueberry extract supplement (for eyes) - I wonder if it also stimulating for her.

The blueberry jelly and maple syrup are too carb-intensive for this to have occurred in California. But the ages of those involved suggests that tooth decay is not a worry.

The obvious question that none of you has addressed: Is it pronounced "SIR-up" or "SEER-up" ?
As a Midwesterner, I use the former, correct version, while my beautiful bride of 25 years from the East coast insists it is the latter.

"Sir" for the win!

Stix: "surp".

Hey! My wife’s blueberry jelly is great! Not as good as her chocolate truffles with raspberry liqueur and homemade raspberry jelly, but still...

Cue the "peanut butter jelly" banana guy.

"Honey?"

"Yes dear?" she said, not looking up from the vegetables she was chopping for dinner.

Suddenly she jumped as she felt something wet and sticky dribble down her neck.

"What in the world are you doing?" she screamed, whirling around with the knife still poised in her fist, staring at the half empty plastic bear-shaped jar in his hand.

"I asked if you wanted me to pour honey on you," he said sheepishly. "I thought it would, you know, put you in the mood," he added with a suave, romantic tone in his voice.

The icy stare she gave him as she stormed out of the room gave him the impression that it did not exactly make her feel amorous. With a heavy sigh he replaced the jar of honey into the pantry, and thought to himself it was a good thing she didn't see the open jar of marmalade...

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