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December 13, 2018

THERE IS NOTHING LEFT TO BELIEVE IN

Keith Richards Reveals He’s Cut Back on Drinking

"It was interesting to play sober."

(Thanks to Steve K.)

'ROBOT BORIS HAS ALREADY LEARNED TO DANCE'

'Hi-tech robot' at Russia forum turns out to be man in suit

(Thanks to pharmaross, Roberto, Allen at Division and John Lobert)

GUYS IN ACTION

A Vermont man, involved in a long-running spat with local officials, erected a giant sculpture of the middle finger saluting city council with the one-finger wave.

(Thanks to Roberto, John Lobert and funny man)

SO HE DOESN'T EVEN GET THE ASSIST?

NHL referee crumbles to the ice after a puck deflects off his groin and into the net (but the goal didn't count)

(Thanks to what appears to be a mobile number with no name attached, that we can see, but thanks anyway)

ATTENTION, MOTORISTS OF GERMANY:

A ton of chocolate leaked from a factory and flooded a German street.

(Thanks to many people)

FLORIDAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

Florida woman arrested after swinging bag filled with Chihuahuas at bar, police say

(Thanks to Rod Nunley)

We saw Bag Filled With Chihuahuas open for Sting.

A BREAKTHROUGH IN AIRLINE CUISINE

"Even though greatest care has been taken, due to the nature of the product there is a very small risk of bullet fragments that could be found in the meal."

(Thanks to John Lobert)

TRY THIS WITH BAGPIPES AND YOU GET THE DEATH PENALTY

Man accused of stealing two saxophones, playing them in Missoula Police Department lobby

(Thanks to pharmaross)

HE HAD NO CHOICE: THE BUILDING WAS BETWEEN HIM AND FLORIDA

Naked driver crashes into apartment building

(Thanks to Allen at Division)

THAT'S A LOT OF PENGUIN POO

Supercolony of 1.5 million Adélie penguins discovered in Antarctica just last year through satellite images of their poo has been living in the Danger Islands for nearly 3,000 YEARS, study finds

(Thanks to Allen at Division and funny man)

IT'S THE MOST WONDERFUL TIME OF THE YEAR

Driver in Santa Claus suit is fired upon by other driver, police say

(Thanks to pharmaross)

12-foot inflatable snowman smashed by mystery driver

(Thanks to Steve K)

Santa rips off beard, screams and swears at children in bizarre outburst

(Thanks to Fabian Marson)

December 12, 2018

BOLO

Polk County deputies are looking for a thief who stuffed a foot-long sandwich down his pants and walked out of a convenience store last month.

(Thanks to pharmaross)

WHOA

Famed free climber Alex Honnold, 33, is the only person to ascend California's El Capitan alone without ropes

Fascinating:

The movie's production team spent much of the time holding their breath against the nightmarish prospect of a fall. But Honnold himself seemed so calm that researchers wondered if there was something different about his brain. With this in mind, Honnold underwent an MRI in 2016 as he got ready for the ascent. That test, which is documented in the movie, shows that a part of the brain that was once usually associated with fear - the amygdala - did not activate when he was shown violent or frightening images.

(Thanks to Jim Kenaston, who says "This helps put the daily commute in a bit of perspective.")

ENTICING!

World's first laboratory-grown STEAK tastes 70% like real meat'

(Thanks to Roberto)

THIS IS WHY WHEN YOU ORDER UBER EATS YOU SHOULD ALWAYS SPECIFY CLEAN UNDERWEAR

Florida Uber Eats customer finds soiled underpants in food order

(Thanks to Mac Turl and pharmaross, who says "Uber ew!")

WE DON'T WANT TO KNOW WHAT THEIR TREE IS MADE OF

Couple to serve Christmas dinner made entirely from roadkill

(Thanks to Ralph)

WE NEED TO ARM OUR UPS DRIVERS

Hilarious moment a curious squirrel jumps onto the back of an unsuspecting UPS driver as he waits to make a delivery

(Thanks to Mac Turl and Geoff, who says "The beginning of the attack.")

AND IT LOOKS EVERY BIT AS FESTIVE AS IT SOUNDS

A single mom with a strict budget has created Britain's most frugal Christmas tree — made from inflated rubber gloves.

(Thanks to pharmaross)

SURE, WHY NOT?

This is a video of the Civil Guard of Belém, Brazil doing some 12-gauge shotgun training at an indoor firing range with incendiary ammo.

(Thanks to John Lobert)

WHAT ARE THESE NEW LINES ON THE SHUFFLEBOARD COURT?

Senior citizens arrested after 'large amount of cocaine' found stashed on cruise ship

(Thanks to Jon Harris and Steve K, who says "Put your teeth in, dude.")

December 11, 2018

AND WENT ON TO VOTE IN SEVERAL FLORIDA ELECTIONS

The jockey who won a race despite being dead

(Thanks to Doug Shedd)

ATTENTION, HALLMARK CHANNEL SCREENWRITERS:

Woman Gets Wedding Ring Back After Flushing It Down Toilet 9 Years Ago

(Thanks to Chris Elzi)

IT'S EVERYBODY'S GO-TO ENTERTAINMENT HOTSPOT

3 arrested after Walmart robber tries to dispose of gun at Chuck E. Cheese’s

(Thanks to Jane Linderman)

WELL IN THAT CASE

KFC diner finds what appears to be BRAINS in her meal but chain tells her not to worry because it was probably ‘just a bit of kidney’

(Thanks to Mac Turl)

THUS EARNING THEIR ETERNAL GRATITUDE

Texas firefighters save more than 100 snakes from house fire

(Thanks to Jim Kenaston and Le Petomane, who says "the snakes were relocated to Florida.")

December 10, 2018

IT’S ALL RIBBIT TO US

City frogs sing more alluring love songs

(Thanks to funny man)

 

LEST YOU GET THE WRONG IDEA: A ‘STUBBY’ IS A BEER

Victorian man attacked by roo manages to save his stubby

(Thanks to Ralph)

GUYS IN ACTION

A Tennessee man faces up to three years in prison for urinating on a Kellogg's cereal conveyor belt at a Memphis facility.

(Thanks to pharmaross, who says “The best to you each morning.”)

HEY, IT’S NOT THAT FAR

Nebraska's annual tourism guide accidentally features photo from Missouri's Union Station

(Thanks to John Lobert)

TOTALLY LEGAL IN FLORIDA

Police stopped an allegedly impaired driver and asked for his licence. He gave them a hamburger

(Thanks to The Perts)

AND BOY ARE THEY TIRED

Beavers return to Italy after more than 500 years

(Thanks to The Perts)

JUST IMAGINE THE STREET VALUE

Police say they arrested a porch thief Sunday after video showed him stealing a half-gallon urine jug, gym shorts and a 27-pound bag of dog food.

Possible Explanation: The suspect hails from Miami Township.

(Thanks to Greg Snow)

YET ANOTHER ARGUMENT AGAINST DOING HOUSEWORK

According to the website USAspending.gov, the US Drug Enforcement Administration (DEA) awarded a contract to an American defense company to build a vacuum cleaner for surveillance purposes.

(Thanks to Kevin Smith)

AND IN SPORTS

Dog saves shot on wide open goal in Argentine soccer match

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)

WE'RE GONNA NEED MORE COCKTAIL SAUCE

18 Inch Shrimp Caught in Fort Pierce

(Thanks to Mac Turl)

THIS WILL REQUIRE NUMEROUS HAIL MARYS

Two longtime nuns at St. James Catholic School in Torrance allegedly embezzled as much as $500,000 in tuition, fees and donations, perhaps spending some of the money on trips and gambling at casinos while telling parents the school was operating on a shoestring budget, officials and parents said.

(Thanks to Jon Harris and Steve K)

EW

Really, ew.

(Thanks to The Perts)

WE DON'T KNOW IF WE WANT TO LIVE IN A WORLD WITHOUT THE URANUS EXAMINER

Uranus Examiner ends publication, blaming judgmental people

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson, pharmaross and funny man)

December 08, 2018

IT'S THE MOST WONDERFUL TIME OF THE YEAR

Man yells 'there's no Santa' at Florida holiday event

(Thanks to pharmaross)

WE CAN'T BELIEVE ANYTHING REALLY SURPRISES FLORIDA TROOPERS ANY MORE

Leaping lemur surprises Florida trooper during DUI arrest

(Thanks to timbang, who notes that the lemur was released after producing a valid Florida driver's license.)

WE HATE IT WHEN THAT HAPPENS

Endangered Hawaiian monk seals keep getting eels stuck up their noses and scientists want them to stop

(Thanks to Catherine DeMoray. No, sorry, Catherine DeLorey) (Also thanks to Howard from Broward, John Gregg, Steve Roberts, The Perts, Poker and The Amazing Steve, who says "I would say it's 'pier' pressure, but I wouldn't sink to a wave of bad ocean puns.")

December 07, 2018

MEANWHILE AT THE COLLEGE OF FOOD, AGRICULTURAL AND ENVIRONMENTAL SCIENCES

Ohio State students get bacon vending machine

(Thanks to Bob Brogan)

IT'S THE MOST WONDERFUL TIME OF THE YEAR

Mortified mother, 46, sends her five-year-old son to his school nativity with a £16.99 'shepherd' costume from Amazon - only to discover it came with a blow-up SEX DOLL sheep

(Thanks to Mac Turl)

GUYS IN ACTION

Excellent.

(Thanks to Ralph)

WHATEVER IT'S SELLING, YOU'D BETTER BUY SOME

Doorbell-ringing moose wakes Alaska couple

(Thanks to Ralph)

December 06, 2018

PLANNING TO SWING OVER AN ALLIGATOR POND?

Check your rope.

(Thanks to John Lobert)

TAKING A COMMERCIAL FLIGHT?

Carry water.

(Thanks to pharmaross)

MEN:

Under NO circumstances should you click here

(Thanks to DaninDallas)

THE NEWS FROM ASIA

Bus driver can lick his own forehead with his TONGUE in unusual trick

This has been The News From Asia.

(Thanks to funny man)

FINALLY, SOME GOOD NEWS

We Regret To Inform You The ‘2-Foot Tall’ Squirrel Is Not Actually That Tall

(Thanks to Susie Q Wacvet)

 
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