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November 23, 2018

WE HAVE ALL BEEN THERE

Woman desperate not to miss her flight tries to CHASE plane on the runway before being tackled to the ground by staff in Bali

(Thanks to pharmaross)

IN THAT CASE, SIR...

Florida man 'curious' about public masturbation did it because he's 'dumb,' deputies say

(Thanks to pharmaross)

AN ACT OF WONTON VIOLENCE

Woman Charged In Chinese Food Battery On Beau

(Thanks to Ron T)

JUST FRIES FOR US, THANKS

A Hawaii-based burger chain has closed a Honolulu restaurant for cleaning after a video posted to social media appeared to show a rat being cooked on the grill.

(Thanks to Nelson Maylone, pharmaross and Kevin Smith)

TRAGICALLY, THIS DID NOT HAPPEN IN WASHINGTON

Lawmaker Injured by Flying Constitution

(Thanks to Kevin Smith)

FLORIDA CRIME REPORT

Woman steals package from porch, learns it's filled with superworms, police say

(Thanks to Ralph and pharmaross)

November 22, 2018

HAPPY THANKSGIVING

Thanks to all of you for visiting this blog, and for that matter providing basically all the material for this blog.

Thanks also for your good thoughts for my family over these past months.

November 21, 2018

IT'S FLORIDA, SO THEY MIGHT HAVE BEEN USING REAL WEAPONS

Florida family playing 'Call of Duty' have police called on them by concerned neighbors

(Thanks to pharmaross)

THUS RENDERING THEMSELVES TOO DULL-WITTED TO MOVE SOUTH

People in cold weather states drink more, says science

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson, who says "Florida demands a recount.")

ECOLOGY UPDATE

China busts £5m scam run by fraudsters recycling USED condoms

(Thanks to Al Barkafski and Michael Moyer, who both say, quote, "Ew.")

THANKFULNESS, DUDE

Pot Dispensaries Expecting Higher Sales On ‘Weed Wednesday’

(Thanks to pharmaross, who says "PASS SOME MORE TURKEY AND STUFFING AND GRAVY AND SALAD AND PIE....")

GOOD TO HAVE A HOBBY

A mischievous Lithuanian couple replaced every single display picture in their local IKEA with photos of themselves.

(Thanks to pharmaross)

NOT RECOMMENDED FOR HOUSEHOLDS WITH RESIDENT DOGS

Jimmy Dean offers sausage-scented wrapping paper

(Thanks to John Lobert)

WHY DID IT TAKE SO LONG?

Teen loses driving license after 49 minutes

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson, who says "Needless to say, he is welcome on the roads of Florida.")

THOUGHTFUL

Man admits having sex with miniature horse, cops say. But he played it safe

(Thanks to Andrew Simmons, Barry Nester and pharmaross) 

SO THEY CAN USE THE URINALS AT CONCERTS?

These Female Insects Have Evolved Functional Penises, And Now We Know Why

(Thanks to pharmaross)

EVERYBODY NEEDS TO JUST STAY THE HELL AWAY FROM CANADA UNTIL IT GETS ITSELF UNDER CONTROL

Cyclist defecates, throws own poop at woman after vehicle collision in B.C.

(Thanks to Stan Ruth)

November 20, 2018

TERRORISM UPDATE

Squirrel causes power outages for more than 12,000 peope in upstate New York

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson and DaninDallas)

OOPS

Forklift driver causes an entire warehouse to fall like dominoes when he nudges a shelving unit

(Thanks to Geoff, who says "Does this mean no bonus?")

YET SHE EATS SOUP WITH HER BARE HANDS

The queen eats her bananas with a knife and fork

(Thanks to pharmaross)

IT'S THE MOST WONDERFUL TIME OF THE YEAR

Polar bears' x-rated Christmas display in shopping mall leaves customers stunned

(Thanks to John Lobert and pharmaross)

NO, IT WON'T

Hot Cheetos turkey will spice up Thanksgiving dinner

(Thanks to John Gregg)

SPORTSDADS IN ACTION

The lawsuit alleges a parent of a player from Nazareth wore his referee uniform and was involved in calls the referee crew made though he was not officiating the Nov. 10 game. The father allegedly spoke to the referees, stood on the sidelines and was later seen alongside referees in an area where only officials are supposed to be, according to the lawsuit.

(Thanks to Not My Usual Alias, who says "At long last, someone has usurped me as an over-involved sideline parent.")

CANADA CONTINUES ITS DOWNWARD SPIRAL

'Drunk' Canadian curlers kicked out of tournament final

(Thanks to Matt Filar and pharmaross)

PUTTING THE 'LO' IN 'BOLO'

Police hunt man with 'small penis and low-hanging testicles' who flashed student

(Thanks to pharmaross)

LET ME TALK TO MY MANAGER, DUDE

Man Jailed for Attempting to Trade Weed for a Car

(Thanks to Kevin Smith)

DID FIRST CLASS HAVE TO PAY MORE?

Passengers are forced to chip in to pay for REPAIRS to their Boeing 787 before it takes off from Beijing to Poland

(Thanks to Allen at Division)

November 19, 2018

BUT IN WHAT *ORDER* DID HE CLEAN THEM?

Cleaner at luxury Chinese hotel caught cleaning toilet and drinking cups with same sponge

(Thanks to pharmaross)

THIS IS HOW MOST OF OUR EVENINGS END

An Oklahoma man paid a visit a strip club at 3 a.m. — and police said that bad decision set in motion a bizarre series of events that resulted in him running naked down a country road.

(Thanks to Charles Cates)

WE THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME

You Can Now Buy Christmas Fairy Lights For Beards

(Thanks to Ann)

THAT WILL SHOW THEM

A Man Was so Angry His Flight Was Cancelled He Set His Own Luggage on Fire

(Thanks to pharmaross and John Lobert)

BECAUSE YOU DON'T HAVE ENOUGH TO WORRY ABOUT

A mini ice age could be on the way

(Thanks to The Perts)

NOW WITH ADDED PROTEIN

Woman discovers live frog in her Cava salad

(Thanks to Bill Hudgins)

CELEBRITY LIFESTYLES UPDATE

Sarah Logan Farted In The ‘Ride Along’ Car

(Thanks tp pharmaross)

ALL HUMANITY REJOICES

Wombat poop: Scientists have finally discovered why it's cubed

(Thanks to Lisa Caplinger, Ralph, the Perts, funny man, Andrew Mendez and Michael Moyer)

these kids today

University lecturers told DON'T USE CAPS as it frightens students

(thanks to allen at division)

CANADA: A NATION IN CHAOS

Stolen snowplow truck driven by man without pants crashes in Portugal Cove-St. Philip's

(Thanks to The Perts)

November 18, 2018

IN CASE YOU HAD ANY LINGERING DOUBTS ABOUT HIS UNFITNESS TO REIGN:

Prince William says his dad Prince Charles is ‘infatuated’ with squirrels

Autoplay.

(Thanks to Catherine DeLorey)

DUH, BECAUSE YOU CAN SEE WHERE YOU'VE JUST BEEN

Walking backwards can boost your short-term memory, study suggests (but scientists have no idea why!)

(Thanks to coscolo)

November 17, 2018

AND IN SPORTS

Farting Controversy Clouds Grand Slam Of Darts Quarterfinal

(Thanks to Cindy Pearson)

POLLY WANNA SHUT UP

Parrot’s smoke alarm impression was so good firefighters were called

(Thanks to John Lobert, who says "You know who put him up to it.")

URGENT CELEBRITY UPDATE

Shania Twain once accidentally urinated during performance

(Thanks to pharmaross)

TOTALLY PLAUSIBLE

A man accused of threatening to blow up Willie’s Chicken Shack Tuesday night (Nov. 13) claimed to police when confronted about the allegation that his words were merely a reference to a bowel movement, the man’s warrant states.

(Thanks to Unholy Slacker)

TOTALLY JUSTIFIED

Man attacks roommates with ax over thermostat setting

(Thanks to Jane Linderman)

OTHER THAN THAT, IT WAS A LOVELY CEREMONY

Casey walked down the aisle in her wedding gown, and when it came time for them to do her vows, she turned to all of their friends and family members and said, “There will be no wedding today. It seems Alex is not who I thought he was.” Then she took out her phone and read the text messages that he had sent this other woman out loud.

(Thanks to Steve K.)

WHOEVER THAT IS

A holidaymaker who is suing British Airways for £10,000 has told a court he was injured after being forced to squeeze into a seat next to an obese man who was “the size of Jonah Lomu”.

County We Are Not Making Fun Of The Name Of: "Pontypridd"

(Thanks to Jay Brandes and pharmaross)

THESE KIDS TODAY

You don't want to know.

Seriously, you don't.

(Thanks to Barry Nester and coscolo, who says, quote, "Ew.")

November 16, 2018

WE SAY GIVE HER THE CHAIR, IF THEY HAVE THE CHAIR IN CANADA

The Supreme Court of Canada agreed Thursday to hear the case of a woman who was ticketed and arrested after she refused instructions to hold onto an escalator handrail.

(Thanks to pharmaross)

HE MEANT TO BUY CLOTHES

A man in China woke up with more than just a hangover Sunday after allegedly splashing out on a peacock, a giant salamander and a pig while drunk.

(Thanks to Jon Harris)

STILL MORE FLORIDAAAAAAAAAA

Large-necked man and Joker lookalike are upping the ‘Florida Man’ mugshot game

An elderly woman worried about the meth she was smoking. So she took it to her doctor, cops say

(Thanks to pharmaross, Steve K and Jane Linderman)

 
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