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November 24, 2018

IT NOW OWNS THREE LUXURY CONDOS ON SOUTH BEACH

Turtle Found by U.S. Coast Guard with $53 million Worth of Cocaine Attached to It

(Thanks to Bob Brogan)

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Next on Nat Geo: When Good Turtles Go Bad.
Tommy the Turtle's family was not surprised by this discovery. He'd been snapping at them a lot lately and frequently mentioned he felt boxed in by his life. He often receded into his shell too.

Faster via Turtle or USPS...? It was a toss up.

Let's all be grateful it wasn't potentially $53 million worth of Ajax prevented from hitting the streets.

The turtle, speaking though it's lawyer, said it was all a misunderstanding, and that it was all Trump's fault.

wow so unexpected to have it on a turtle.

Rumors have it that the turtle refused to follow police orders to 'shell out' the cash.

The turtle made a run for it, resulting in a dangerous, high speed chase through... no, wait.

This is one turtle who was definitely in the soup...

Now we know why Fillmore the sea turtle (from the comic strip Sherman's Lagoon) is always so laid back.

Turtle - "Naw man, this ain't my shell" (probably)

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