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November 26, 2018

CRIMINAL MASTERMIND OF THE WEEK SO FAR

Man tries to break into bank with Bird scooter

(Thanks to Bill Hudgins)

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He was charged with criminal impersonation

Because he's too stupid to be a real criminal?

His "run from the police every time -- I’m not going to make it easy for you to arrest me" remark should also be noted as the Legal Procedural Strategy of the Week So Far.

Police love it when you tell them you're going to make their job even harder. In fact they love it almost as much as, "My taxes pay your salary". If you don't believe me, try it sometime.

I assumed a Bird scooter was some kind of toy for your pet cockatiel —
boy, was I wrong.

Meh. The Bird Scooter was a rental. People expect it to be trashed.

"The incident caused $2,000 worth of damage to the door and some patio furniture."

The patio furniture makes it a hanging offense.

He was charged with criminal impersonation...

Bad reporting! Who was he impersonating? The Godfather? The guys from Dumb and Dumber? Al Capone? Or perhaps....

the Hamburglur?

Geeze, I spend some time in the hospital only to get out to find birds now get around on their own scooters. Or maybe I just need better medical coverage?

This is Channel 5 in Nashville. Bad reporting is their specialty.

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