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September 23, 2018


A Woman Can't Recall How A Turtle Ended Up In Her Vagina After Night Out, Police Say

(Thanks to Allen at Division, Ralph K., Jon Harris, and Raymond K.)


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I'd like to know what Allen, Ralph, Jon, and Raymond were looking for when they found this story. Poor little turtle.

It was a ninja turtle, that's why.

Kind of gives new meaning to "turtles all the way down."

Hey, it happens. nursecindy told me.

If it had been a snapping turtle, this article would have been an even bigger yikes!

I was expecting cooter jokes.

Take the turtle from your genitalia
Shake it loose and let it fall

No Mister Lizard! I don't want to be a tampon!

Oh well.
"Drizzle, Drazzle, Drozzle, Drome; time for this one to come home."

I only came here to warn everyone against making snapper jokes, but I find I am too late.

Whatever its genetic species, it died the death of a box turtle.

Would a box turtle joke be out of line?

I suppose this incident could be a warning for women who drink too much to avoid using the restroom at a Shell station.

Reptile dysfunction again?

You people are sick....

I got nuthin' to add that you haven't thought of already.

Then get the shell out of here.

That's what she said.

So was it a nudist at turtle farm or did it go down differently?

Someone on Twitter said "I have questions."

I replied "So did the turtle."

This smells a little fishy.

Always in the last place you look...

Isn't this how those Ninja Turtle hybrids got started?

One in your _____ is the same as one in your bush!

I see a sequel to the move "Teeth". The condition will be called "vagina tortuga".

So the turtle gets out at night?

That's why smart turtle owners are getting their pets chipped. You sometimes can't tell them apart, and this way you can track them.

And if worse comes to worse, we enclose some nice recipes for turtle soup!

This brings a whole new aspect to what a companion animal is.

ASPCA defines one as "...companion animals should be domesticated or domestic-bred animals whose physical, emotional, behavioral and social needs can be readily met as companions in the home, or in close daily relationship with humans."

"Close daily relationship". Yep. That works.

People (well, some people) often mistake their turtle for a vibrator.

Mitch McConnell, is that YOU?!?!

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