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August 27, 2018

"WHAT ARE YOU IN FOR?"

Lemons.

(Thanks to funny man, Le Petomane, Not My Usual Alias, and Geoff. And a 2019 Dave Barry desk calendar to the commenter with the best explanation of WHY.)

Comments

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He got tired of waiting for life to give him lemons.

He's filling his swimming pool with ice tea.

Also, there is nothing lower than a lemon rustler.

Is there a problem, officer?

Why? Lemonade, of course.

Just one look at this dude'e mugshot and you can tell he's a serial lemon-sucker.

Let this be a lesson, kids: Don't do the Rind if you can't do the time.

Maybe because grapefruit is out of season?

He's obviously sour on life.

From the looks of him, he needed fresh lemons, because he can't concentrate.

The lemon heist was just Phase 1 of his master plan. Tequila and salt would have been next.

He was obviously driven by the Involuntary Musical Imagery (INMI) of The Trini Lopez song.

Not for the squeamish but, one of the worst case scenario earworms known to exist can be found here.>

He stole 800 pounds of lemons because nine hundred pounds would have been silly.

He was the founding member of LEMA (Lemons Escaping Man's Abuse), allegedly a sister of PETA.

PETA denied the association.

He told officers he was freeing them, but for some reason the lemons refused to fly (or roll) away!

He was the connection for Martha Stewart for her Shaker Lemon Bars, and I'll bet he gives her up in exchange for a plea deal.

However, as this violates MS's probation, she will hunt him down and cut him with one of her colorful ceramic paring knives as soon as she's out of the joint.

The squirrels made him do it.

His life lacked zest.

He was going one up on Trini Lopez; the fruit of the poor lemon is possible to steal.

He's cornering the market on Movi-Prep.

(Dave's colonoscopy column: "MoviPrep tastes -- and here I am being kind -- like a mixture of goat spit and urinal cleanser, with just a hint of lemon.")

Obviously: He is a colorblind Margarita Magnate. Thought they were limes.

Because he already had a bathtub full of potatoes.

He was tired of them serving tea without lemon at the home?

He showed them!

...because limes stopped being victims a long time ago.

When cops asked him why he stole the lemons, he was shocked!

"Lemons? I thought these were avacados!" he exclaimed.

At night Dionicio Fierros would pick lemons and then deposit them on the doorsteps of his neighbors in retaliation for all the zucchini they'd left him over the summer.

If life gives you lemons, make lemonade. If life doesn't give you lemons, take them.

"Hey listen, I'm going to tell you how to pronounce steal the lemons in Spanish one more time."

"Listen, I'm going to tell you one more time how to say "you stole those lemons" in Spanish.

Was a decoy. The actual theft was the car. Says so in the article.

was arrested when deputies found 800 pounds of freshly picked lemons in his “vehicle that sheriff's officials said were stolen.”

Dionicio Fierros ==>
Ironic foodie, sir
Disco Ire of Iron, I

Later, Lucy Van Pelt was arrested at her lemonade stand as an accomplice.

He couldn't say since his mouth was so puckered up from trying to eat the evidence.

I sense a conspiracy. By removing the lemons from the market, he was trying to recreate the $.40 per pound spike in price after three years of stagnating at $3 The Great Lemon Conspiracy

He's gonna need a lot more meringue.

He was teaming up with this gang. https://www.independent.co.uk/news/uk/home-news/thieves-steal-18000-worth-of-gin-from-roadside-lorry-9147535.html


He was trying to make the world's largest lemon battery to power his Yellow Submarine.

Be stole them because he couldn't concentrate?

Zaphod Beeblebrox!

Because lemons don't belong on Grapefruit Boulevard!

Damn, the Corona Cartel is graying.

As everyone knows

First you get the lemons,
Then you get the women.


His carsick cat made a mess and he needed a car air freshener.

He's gonna need those lemons for all the puckerin' up he's gonna do in prison.

Ya'll are making me laugh ;)
Thanks!

Desk calendar goes to:

His life lacked zest.

Posted by: Bill Hudgins | August 27, 2018 at 11:37 AM

Please email me your address, sir. :)

Anybody wonder if this case is connected?

https://www.adn.com/alaska-news/crime-courts/2018/08/24/troopers-homer-man-stole-85000-worth-of-frozen-fish-and-crab/

WOW. You like me, you really like me!

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