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August 29, 2018


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Desperate for any possible lead and running out of time, Dr. Richard Kimble's heart raced as he read the DNA results that could exonerate him. "If it takes my last breath, I will find you...'KEN'..."

Mattel Shipment Snafu, Toymaker Up in Arms

Ken Invites Skipper to His Pad, then BARBIE Showed Up

Sicilian message: "Ken Doll sleeps with the fishes."

Dr. Richard Kimble trembles with shock when he finds from DNA that Ken is his long lost son. Barbie, his trusted secretary and secret lover is nowhere to be found. Who now can he turn to for help?

Chapter 2 coming soon.

G.I. Joe warned Ken that he would sleep with the fishes if he put the moves on his daughter.

While Barbie was somewhat taken aback by the sight of the huge northern pike, her fiancé, Ken, was completely disarmed.

rare right-handed lily pad

“Hey, Ken, can you give me a hand?”

Kermit is on his way back to Lily's pad hoping for a hand job.

This is why we can't have nice things.

Chapter two--The Deadly Lily Pad

Dr.Kimball found the note on the lily pad exactly where the kidnappers said it would be after he paid the ransom.
On it was the GPS location of the storage container where his estranged son and his lover, Barbie were being held. More importantly it contained a code to disarm the timer that was to blow up the shipping container in less than three hours.
As he waded out of the shallow pond he felt a sharp stab to his leg when a huge water moccasin bit him. His car was only a few hundred feet away, but the venom was working fast.
Will he make it? We will only know if some blogger writes chapter 3.

After the klutz tried to walk on the huge lily pad, this is all that was left. https://twitter.com/ToodGuRu/status/1032599024694513664/video/1

Chapter Three - Bay of Pigs

From her hiding place, Miss Piggy spied the water moccasin's attack. She was the liaison sent to ensure a smooth transition, but the One-Armed Man had not told her about snakes. Silently, she bit the retreating serpent between the eyes, dealing the beast a swift death.
Piggy wasted no time. She grabbed the doctor and used his belt as a tourniquet as she administered the anti-venom she carried with her, for she was an experienced spy and prepared for such mishaps. She was also careful to grab the plastic arm. She thrust it into his hand and told him to hold tight.
Dr. Kimball mumbled a feeble, "Thank you" to his heroine as she put him in the back of her car. “What about the storage container location? I’ve got to disarm that bomb! Dammit, Piggy, lives are at stake!”
“Disarm or dat-arm?" Piggy chuckled at her cleverness. "I believe, good doctor, that you’ll find something special on the back of that plastic arm you’re clutching.” She shouted over her shoulder as she raced to the hospital, “And it may hold the key to this mystery!”

A Farewell to Arm

Screenshot from the Armageddon III: The Pads Of Death trailer.

Nature supporting the 2nd Amendment...

I support your constitutional rights, but please put that thing in a holster!


Become as serene as a tender unbothered lily pad floating on a tranquil pond. Dismemberment. For the social anxiety disorder inside you.

Researchers Have Finally Discovered The Sound of One Hand Clapping

In America, even the water lilies have the right to bear arms.

The photo is cheap. The original Monet painting will cost you this PLUS a leg...

Mostly Armless.

After 2100 years, the Venus de Milo case took a shocking turn...

Sharknado 17

Bravo Le Petomane and MOTW!

Froggie went disjointin'

Cracking me up again ;) Airedale is in the lead for short and pithy, but liking the chapter concept...

Princess Barbie kissed the frog and was unprepared for what happened next.

Barbie and the rest of Ken are safe.

...and where's my hammer?

Chapter 6 -- The Hand of Fate

Nothing interesting happened in chapters 4 and 5 so why bother with them?

Miss Piggy and Kermit, who she called in to assist her, approached the bomb underneath the storage container cautiously. A quick check showed they had less that 3 minutes before the bomb would go off. The bomb's timer was attached to four blocks of C4, enough to level an entire building.
The duo bent over and inspected the timer that had an ominous red flashing light that kept flashing faster.
"Punch in the code" Kermit said
"What code? Piggy said softly. I thought YOU had it."
It was in Dr. Kimball's hand, you told me it was!"
"Oh crap." Miss Piggy said as the flashing red light beat faster.
"We have to cut either the red wire or the green one" Kermit said passing Piggy the cutters.

Will Miss Piggy get roasted and Kermit croak? Find out in maybe chapter 12 or so.

Lily (Munster) Pad

Chapter 12 - How I Learned to Stop Worrying

"Siri, call Chloe," Miss Piggy said. Sometimes she felt like the bluetooth was permanently attached in her ear.

Thankfully, she answered quickly: "Chloe. What do you got, Pig?" Miss Piggy loved it when Chloe was all business in a tense situation. She counted on it now.

"Chloe, I've got two minutes to decide whether to cut a red wire or green wire to avoid leveling everything within a city block. Not to mention killing Ken and Barbie, Kermit, and me."

"It's not easy being green," whispered Kermit nervously.

"Knock it off, Frog!" hissed Piggy. ".. Chloe?"

"Why don't you just enter the code? It'll take me a while to figure out which color wire .." Chloe was trying to be helpful; she could hear the tension in Miss Piggy's voice.

"The frog here handed it off to someone else," she explained, trying to keep somewhat calm, since there was a BOMB at hand. Plus, she knew that Ken and Barbie could probably hear whatever they said. That container probably acted like an amplifier.

Chloe interrupted Piggy's thoughts. "I've almost put my finger on it ..."

Crime scene photo #1: Evidence indicates that Barbie left the pond unarmed.

After years of humans eating frog legs, the frogs started a cycle of revenge by consuming "Human Arms".

The squirrels told the frogs to raise an army. The frogs, being frogs, misunderstood.

Barbie was a shrewd negotiator. Her new pad originally cost an arm and a leg.

Faced with declining market prices, Eli Lilly needed a hand.

1: When a puppet government calls for Unilateral Disarmament...

2: "'Ere, let's go on over to Lily's pad 'n' 'ave ourselves some 'armless fun", he said in a disarming fashion.

Traced to Prince Hamlet of Denmark, who wanted to "take arms against a sea of troubles".

This is the arm pad. The eye pad is over there.

I was looking for the oosik named Walter.

Heil to der frogen miester!

Ken's last words while fishing...."I'd give my left arm to be ambidextrous"

Be careful where you step. The waterlilies are armed!

He glared at the little girl who criticized his flag coloring. He wanted to rip her arm off, but knew he couldn't, because cameras were rolling. He decided to sneak back later and wreak revenge on the little girl's stupid doll.

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