Dave Barry's Blog

THE SCIENCE IS SETTLED, PEOPLE

The secret of longevity: fat, sugar and booze

(Thanks to funny man)

YET THE WILDLIFE IS ALSO NUDE

Belgian nude beach blocked on fears sexual activity could spook wildlife

(Thanks to Roberto)

HILTON THE 'CELEBRITY SHARK'

Charming great white shark delights followers with return to waters off N.S.

(Thanks to The Perts)

'ON THE UNTESTED FRONTIER OF JAPANESE BUSINESS STRATEGY'

Japanese advertising company selling space on young women’s armpits

(Thanks to Ralph)

WAIT, WHERE?

Hundreds of youth from Northern East Maban County in South Sudan’s Northern Upper Nile State on Monday morning stormed offices of aid organizations causing destruction as they demanded employment.

(Thanks to Jim Kenaston)

'CANADA YOU MUST HAVE NO FUN'

Man arrested for letting blow-up doll drift into flight path

(Thanks to John Lobert)

WE SAW THEM OPEN FOR THE SEX PISTOLS

It’s called vomit fraud.

(Thanks to Ty Jones, DaninDallas and Ranald Adams)

THIS WOULD ALSO WORK ON CUSTOMERS

California Rite Aid stores use Barry Manilow to scare off vagrants

(Thanks to Woozy Barnes)

GREAT MOMENTS IN AVIATION

THIS is the shocking moment a female passenger squats and pees in the galley of a Wizz Air flight from the UK to Poland.

(Thanks to John Lobert, Michael Moyer and Emily Leslie and w)

O CANADUDE

Canada brews first cannabis beer

(Thanks to Mary Smith)

ASSUMING YOU DO NOT REGULARLY READ THIS BLOG

There are certain things you expect to find in a toilet...A snake is not one of them.

(Thanks to Rick Day)

FETCH

Dog brings sprinkler inside house to cool off during hot weather

(Thanks to funny man and Ralph)

SO THAT'S A YES

Man arrested after calling 911 to find out if he had any warrants

(Thanks to Greg Snow)

SOMETIMES STERN MEASURES ARE CALLED FOR

The civil service made an eye-popping error after accidentally publishing a satirical poster encouraging parents to shoot their children if they suspect they have contracted rabies.

(Thanks to Ralph and DaninDallas)

REALLY? THAT LONG?

Doctors Give Patients 11 Seconds To Explain Reason For Visit Before Interrupting

(Thanks to funny man)

CLASSY!

Father, 31, arrested after furious waitress slammed him to the floor for groping her backside was on DATE NIGHT with the mother of his twin girls

Also: Do not mess with this waitress.

(Thanks to Steve K)

SHOULD PEOPLE THIS CLUELESS BE REPRODUCING?

Gender reveal fireworks fail sends partygoers screaming and running for cover

(Thanks to John Lobert)

We're thinking maybe we should return to the era when people revealed genders orally.

NO DOUBT HEADED FOR FLORIDA

Nude cyclist spotted on Highway 101 in San Jose

(Thanks to Le Petomane and Allen at Division)

IN THAT CASE, SIR...

Man pulled over for speeding tries to argue speedometer reading is the temperature

(Thanks to Ralph)

WE SAW THE UNDIES-CLAD SHALLOT HURLERS OPEN FOR STING

Undies-clad Auckland man hurling shallots at noisy 4am rubbish collector one of many fed up over early wake-ups

(Thanks to Allen at Division)

POOP MAKING NEWS

Poop is beginning to be a big problem at Burning Man, authorities say

(Thanks to Le Petomane)

Poop truck extinguishes flaming vehicle in Russia

(Thanks to Ralph)

SHE 'IMMEDIATELY SQUISHED IT WITH A TOWEL'

A Sun City Center woman got an unusual surprise as she used the bathroom in her home Monday — a rabid bat clinging to her arm.

(Thanks to Michael Moyer)

GUYS IN ACTION

A former NASA engineer has created what may be the world's largest water gun.

(Thanks to MOTW)

FINALLY WE ARE DOING SOMETHING ABOUT SOMETHING

Florida Tourist Arrested And Sentenced To Jail For Collecting Seashells

(Thanks to funny man)

CLASSY!

London erects 25-foot Jeff Goldblum statue to commemorate 'Jurassic Park's 25th anniversary

(Thanks to Gary Schroeder, Roberto, Peter Metrinko and Jeff Meyerson)

SHE SOUNDS FUN

Nurse looking for love on Tinder leaves potential dates VERY nervous - after she lists her must-haves in a man as having 'both lungs and kidneys' and zero liver damage

(Thanks to Le Petomane)

FLORIDA WILDLIFE: WILDER THAN YOUR WILDLIFE

500-pound goliath grouper eats shark as shocked Florida fishermen watch: 'He just sucked it in'

(Thanks to elseabs, who says "This is EXACTLY like watching my husband eat a chicken fried steak.")

IT WAS THAT OR LISTEN TO THE RADIO

Randy couple kill time in traffic jam by having sex out of sunroof in front of stunned motorists

(Thanks to John Lobert)

SEEMS LEGIT

A naked man claiming to be a paranormal investigator has been filmed after being found stuck in a metal gate.

(Thanks to John Lobert)

SPEAKING OF INSANITY

Man who is 90% covered in tattoos has penis removed as it interferes with his ‘look’

(Thanks to Stan Ruth, John Lobert, John Gregg and James Flynn)

THEN WE CHOOSE INSANITY

Bacon Is Bad For Your Mental Health, Say Researchers

(Thanks to MOTW, John Criswell and Le Petomane)

HAVING SOLVED ALL OF ITS OTHER PROBLEMS

Chicago is now spreading anti-ketchup propaganda on expressways

(Thanks to Ralph)

KEEP THIS BOATER AWAY FROM PANAMA

Boater accidentally drains Kennet and Avon Canal

(Thanks to Mark Schlesinger)

SIDE EFFECT

Popular fat-reducing procedure can make you fatter.

(Thanks to Kevin Smith)

SUAVE

Man steals date's car, uses it to take another girl to drive-in movie, police say

(Thanks to DaninDallas and coscolo)

WE SAW THE SPONTANEOUSLY COMBUSTING TORTILLA CHIPS OPEN FOR CREAM

Austin firefighters respond to blazes caused by spontaneous combustion of tortilla chips

(Thanks to Jon Harris and Ralph)

NOBEL PRIZE ALERT

Ever wondered what happens when you put an airbag under an armchair and set it off?

(Thanks to Clayton Carroll and Roberto)

CANADA: A NATION IN CHAOS

Moose euthanized after wandering onto Ottawa highway

(Thanks to The Perts)

BOLO

Burglar with boxer briefs on head being sought by Texas police

(Thanks to Le Petomane)

"Boxer briefs?"

NEXT: A FLORIDA DRIVER'S LICENSE

Guy Gives Plant Robotic Legs So It Can Experience Animal-Like Freedom

(Thanks to John Lobert)

IT LOOKS JUST AS SANE AS IT SOUNDS

Man sets Guinness World Record by slicing 26 watermelons on own stomach

(Thanks to nursecindy)

HE HAS LONG BEEN ACTIVE IN ALABAMA POLITICS

Sandra Little Brown claims she's Jesus' choice in county commission runoff

(Thanks to Mike Ricciardi)

MIAMI SWIMWEAR UPDATE

Duct-tape bikinis look sexy but painful

(Thanks to Michael Parry)

OF COURSE SHE DOES

Dr. Pimple Popper now has her own reality TV show

(Thanks to Jim Kenaston)

YOU CAN'T BE TOO CAREFUL; CALCULUS MAY HAVE BEEN INVOLVED

This Mathematics Professor Was Questioned On A Plane For Doing Math During A Flight

(Thanks to Jon Harris)

WHO'S THIS 'YOU' YOU'RE REFERRING TO?

Relax, You Are About To Get A Snake Massage

Autoplay.

(Thanks to Le Petomane, Ranald Adams and Michael Parry)

ALWAYS HAVE A DESIGNATED PEDALER

Jaw-dropping video: cyclist falls into Menasha bridge opening

(Thanks to Bill Carver and Patrick Lenon, who says "The video was taken after dark in Menasha Wisconsin, which makes it almost certain that alcohol was involved.")

JUST WHEN YOU THOUGHT CANADA COULD NOT GET ANY MORE ENTICING

Quebec's first large-scale edible insect farm to open in Mirabel this fall

(Thanks to The Perts)

IT WAS OF COURSE RELEASED AFTER PRODUCING A VALID ETC.

Florida woman arrested after pet spider monkey allegedly attacks Home Depot employees

(Thanks to RonT)

EVERYONE HAS A DREAM

Porn star wants £5,000 so he can be buried inside a giant remote-controlled penis

(Thanks to John Lobert)