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June 24, 2018
June 22, 2018
BUT 'ALL FISH ARE NOT EQUAL'
THERE'S A NEW BIG IDAHO POTATO, AND IT'S LUXURIOUS
OR SEVERAL HUNDRED SQUIRRELS WEARING A COSTUME
Two injured in Montana after swerving to avoid a kangaroo or wallaby
(Thanks to Jay Brandes)
SEND THESE SENIOR OFFICIALS TO WASHINGTON
The 64-year-old, an employee of the waterworks bureau in the western city of Kobe, was fined and reprimanded after he was found to have left his desk just three minutes before the start of his designated lunch break on 26 occasions over a seven-month period. Senior officials at the bureau then called a televised news conference, where they described the man’s conduct as “deeply regrettable” and bowed in apology.
(Thanks to Jim Kenaston)
IT WAS A CONSENTING AUTOMOBILE
June 21, 2018
WHAT WOULD WE DO WITHOUT STUDIES?
Parents are fed up with kids' summer vacation after just 13 days, study finds
(Thanks to Jonh Lobert)
I DON'T CARE IF I EVER GET... YIKES!
Phanatic's flying hot dog leaves Phillies fan with facial injuries
(Thanks to Le Petomane, Steve K., Bill Carver and Al Barkafski)
THEY CAN'T AFFORD THE ADMISSION CHARGE
The Fascinating Reason Why There Are No Mosquitoes at Disney World
(Thanks to Rick Day)
AND IN SPORTS
(Thanks to John Lobert, Jim Perth and Al Barkafski)
'PARTICULARLY HIGH CONCENTRATIONS' NEAR THE HOUSES OF PARLIAMENT
Some Rivers Are So Drug-Polluted, Their Eels Get High on Cocaine
(Thanks to Snowman)
BORN FOR THIS ROLE
IT GOES WITHOUT SAYING THAT THE BEAR HAD A VALID FLORIDA DRIVER'S LICENSE
Deputy frees bear trapped in car near Lake Tahoe
(Thanks to Kevin Smith)
MEANWHILE ABROAD
(Thanks to Ralph)
3,999 MORE EPISODES THAN NECESSARY
After 4,000 episodes, a halt for Jerry Springer's show
(Thanks to Mark Schlesinger and Not My Usual Alias)
June 20, 2018
IN THAT CASE, MISS SWIFT, YOU ARE FREE TO GO
WHAT'S THAT SMELL?
Woman gulps down her dog's urine claiming it cleared up her acne - and has given her a 'glow'
(Thanks to John Lobert)
HOW IS THIS HELPFUL?
'QUIRKY' IS ONE WORD FOR IT
WHAT ARE THE ODDS?
Man with a tattoo of a gun on his face charged with illegally possessing a gun
(Thanks to Gary Schroeder, who says "I'm assuming he's single.")
THOSE THINGS SHOULD NOT BE IN CIVILIAN HANDS
This man threw a toilet seat at his ex-wife's house, SC cops say
(Thanks to Vernon Bowen)
IS THERE ANYTHING IT CAN'T DO?
Drunk People Are Better at Creative Problem Solving
(Thanks to Peter Metrinko)
SO IMAGINE HOW TOUGH *HEAVY* DRINKING WOULD MAKE THEM
Scientists discover moderate drinking teaches heart cells how to toughen up
(Thanks to Michael Parry)
June 19, 2018
BOLO
Woman wearing only a towel steals car and dog from Georgia family
(Thanks to James Flynn, who says "Obviously headed to Florida.")
LIFESTYLES OF THE RICH
Bill Gross got revenge on ex-wife with fart spray: court papers
(Thanks to Roberto)
YOUR POLE JOKE HERE
(Thanks to John Lobert and Stever)
OR A SQUIRREL WEARING A GROUNDHOG COSTUME
Bellevue Cemetery Vandal May Be Groundhog
(Thanks to Laurie Ann and John Lobert)
PICKUP STRATEGY OF THE WEEK SO FAR
MAYBE IT WAS A SHY PYTHON
OOOOOOOOOOO-KLAHOMA
2 arrested after having sex by busy Oklahoma City intersection
(Thanks to Stan Ruth)
CANADA TECH REPORT:
(Thanks to Allen at Division)
FINNISH GUYS IN ACTION
Spraying snake with gas leads to house blaze in Finland
(At least we assume it was a guy.)
(Thanks to Le Petomane and Bill Hudgins)
TODAY'S NATURE FACT:
Pooping Creates The Same Pain As Childbirth For Sloths, And It Is Dangerous
(Thanks to Unholy Slacker and Ralph)
June 18, 2018
HORN-TOOTING
Here's a nice review of my book Lessons From Lucy, which will be published October 23.
CSI: TENNESSEE
Burglary suspect tries to escape on lawnmower with flat tire
(Thanks to Bill Hudgins)
IT WAS TRACKED DOWN BY A POLICE SNAIL
100-year-old tortoise missing for a week is found a mile away after 0.006mph getaway
(Thanks to Le Petomane)
WORLD CUP UPDATE
HARD TO ARGUE
YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
(Thanks to Bill Hudgins)
IN FLORIDA IT CAN LEGALLY DRIVE *AND* VOTE
Giant Horror Plant That Causes 3rd Degree Burns Has Spread to Yet Another US State
(Thanks to Mark Schlesinger)
HOBBYIST OF THE WEEK SO FAR
Man charged with stealing human toes from dead body exhibition
(Thanks to Unholy Slacker and DaninDallas)
FLORIDA DEMANDS A RECOUNT
Guess Which Place Is The Psychopath Capital of The US, According to Science
Although we can't really argue about No. 1.
(Thanks to John Criswell, Mark Schlesinger. ptucker and Dad-O-Lot)
June 17, 2018
TAKE IT OUT OF HIS ALLOWANCE
Kansas parents may be stuck with $132,000 bill after kid knocks over sculpture
(Thanks to Jane Linderman)
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
(Thanks to Jane Linderman)
UPDATE FROM THE CAPITAL OF SOPHISTICATION
Brooklynites question artist’s ‘giant turd’ in middle of park
(Thanks to Ralph)
WORKING ON HER CORE
Woman arrested after fit of rage at Planet Fitness
(Thanks to elseabs and manual tomato)
FLORIDAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
Woman shoots husband in testicles after he tries to take her air conditioner
(Thanks to Jane Linderman and Dorkfish)
FATHER'S DAY
To the dads out there: Have a good one. And by "good one," I mean "nap."