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June 29, 2018

ANNAPOLIS

Five newspaper people were killed yesterday at the Capital Gazette in Annapolis. I can't imagine how brutal that must be for the families. I met one of the victims, Rob Hiaasen, a few times; he was the brother of my close friend Carl Hiaasen. From all accounts Rob was a fine journalist and a wonderful man. My heart aches for his family, for all the families.

My heart also aches, on this sad day, for the larger family of journalists, especially newspaper journalists. It's a family of which I still consider myself a member. I started in this business in 1971, as a rookie reporter at the Daily Local News in West Chester, Pa., for (if I recall correctly) $93 a week. Since then most of my friends have been newspaper people. No offense to any other profession, but these are, pound for pound, the smartest, funniest, most interested and most interesting people there are. They love what they do, and most of them do it for lousy pay, at a time when the economic situation of newspapers is precarious, and layoffs are common.

It's also a time when the news media are under attack -- for being biased, for being elitist and out of touch with ordinary Americans, for not caring about the nation. And I'll grant that in some cases, some of these criticisms are valid. There are cable-TV "news" operations openly devoted to either propping up or tearing down Donald Trump. There are newspaper journalists who seem far more interested in getting on TV, and jacking up their Twitter numbers, than being fair or accurate. There are incompetent, dishonest people in this business, as in any business.

But these people are a minority -- I think a tiny minority -- of news people, especially of newspaper people. There are over 1,000 daily newspapers in the United States, most of them covering smaller markets, like Annapolis or West Chester. The people working for these newspapers aren't seeking fame, and they aren't pushing political agendas. They're covering the communities they live in -- the city councils, the police and fire departments, the courts, the school boards, the high-school sports teams, the snake that some homeowner found in a toilet. These newspaper people work hard, in relative obscurity, for (it bears repeating) lousy pay. Sometimes, because of the stories they write, they face hostility; sometimes -- this happens to many reporters; it happened to me -- they are threatened.

But the news people I know are still passionate about what they do, and they do it remarkably well. And here's the corny-but-true part: They do it for you. Every time they write a story, they're hoping you'll read it, maybe learn something new, maybe smile, maybe get mad and want to do something.

That's what the people were doing at the Capital Gazette when they were shot. And the survivors, God bless them, put out a paper the next day. Because that's what we do in this business.

So criticize us all you want; when we screw up, feel free to call us on it.

But don't say we don't care. 

 

June 28, 2018

AW

Police: Man's 'upskirt' shoe camera explodes, hurts his foot

(Thanks to Alan Dean and Tom Shroder)

IT WAS RELEASED AFTER PRODUCING A VALID FLORIDA LICENSE

Delaware police find abandoned home -- in the middle of the road

(Thanks to John Lobert)

BRAZEN

Squirrel caught stealing cop's doughnut in viral video

(Thanks to 19 million people)

MEANWHILE DOWN UNDER

Naughty prankster etches penis into Australian lake bed - and it's so big it can be seen from SPACE

(Thanks to John Lobert)

WE SAW THEM OPEN FOR THE COWSILLS

Farting unicorn causes kerfuffle between Elon Musk and artist

(Thanks to Roberto, Le Petomane, Hayseed Tom, Steve Pudlo and Allen at Division)

HEH

Port Arthur residents plant trees in potholes to protest poor street conditions

(Thanks to Stan Ruth)

MAKE THAT 'FORMER TEST DRIVER'

Test driver wrecks $2.5 million Pagani Huayra supercar

(Thanks to elseabs)

'IDIOT' IS TOO KIND

Watch what happens when idiot decides to light fireworks in his trunk

(Thanks to Rick Day)

OH THE HUMANITY

Truckload of chocolate catches fire on Interstate 80

(Thanks to Glen Page, who says "I think they are doing the S’mores wrong - or we are gonna need bigger graham crackers and marshmallows!")

GUYS IN ACTION

2 men arrested for allegedly fighting over last available toilet urinal in Aljunied MRT station

Yes, we know. A pissing match.

(Thanks to Ralph)

WE DON'T KNOW WHY, BUT WE DO KNOW THEY ALL HAVE VALID FLORIDA DRIVERS' LICENSES

Why tiny Neanderthal brains are now growing in petri dishes

(Thanks to The Perts and Chris Elzi)

ANYBODY SEEN CHARLIE SHEEN LATELY?

Nearly naked man who scaled Los Angeles freeway sign causes traffic jam

(Thanks to Steve K.)

THE GUARDIAN TACKLES THE ISSUES

Big dick energy: what is it, who has it and should we really care?

(Thanks to Alkali Bill)

June 27, 2018

WHICH IS WHY WE NEVER EAT THERE

Space is full of dirty, toxic grease, scientists reveal

(Thanks to Ranald Adams)

IT WOULD DEFINITELY SHOO US

Rite-Aid blasts Barry Manilow to shoo loiterers

(Thanks to Peter Metrinko, Steve K. and Bill Hudgins)

AND IN SPORTS

D-backs pitcher Archie Bradley reveals that he pooped his pants during a game

(Thanks to Matt Filar)

TENSION BUILDS IN FLATHEAD COUNTY

8:36 a.m. A turtle was trying to cross the road.

(Thanks to Stan Ruth and Roberto)

IN THAT CASE, SIR, YOU AND YOUR DOG ARE FREE TO GO

DUI Suspect Claimed His Dog Was The One Driving Erratically

You will be shocked when you learn the name of the state where this happened.

(Thanks to Ralph)

ASK YOURSELF:

"What would you do if people kept having sex in your hedge?"

(Thanks to John Lobert)

THAT WILL TEACH IT

Video shows man punching an SUV in apparent road rage incident in Hialeah

ACTUAL EMAIL TO THE BLOG

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WHERE THE HELL IS THE UNITED NATIONS?

Beer rationed in Britain because of CO2 shortage

(Thanks to MOTW and Jeff Meyerson, who says "I blame Brexit.")

This will not help: Beer lorry sheds 21 TONNES of lager across M8 as cops forced to shift 40 barrels of booze onto side of the road

(Thanks to Not My Usual Alias)

June 26, 2018

CASE DISMISSED

Hunger for a pie drove drunk man to smash ATM when it ate his card, court hears

(Thanks to Bill Hudgins)

THEY WERE RELEASED AFTER PRODUCING VALID DRIVER'S LICENSES

Iguanas brawl in parking lot of Florida Starbucks

(Thanks to funny man)

BECAUSE WE DON'T HAVE ENOUGH TO WORRY ABOUT

A new supervolcano is brewing under Massachusetts, Vermont and New Hampshire

(Thanks to Mark Schlesinger)

AHOY, MATEYS

All aboard the torture ship… the world’s biggest bondage and fetish boat orgy where hundreds of leather lovers romp the night away

(Thanks to Mark Schlesinger and John Lobert)

MEN'S FASHION REPORT

We don't think so.

(Thanks to Jay Brandes)

HE LOOKS FINE TO US

Man arrested twice in one day faces drug, DUI charges

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)

ALWAYS THE LAST PLACE YOU LOOK

Child fires shot inside Fishers IKEA after finding gun in couch

(Thanks to funny man)

THESE KIDS TODAY

Cheeky Scottish lad leaves mum fuming after shaving giant WILLY into front lawn

(Thanks to Ralph)

WE'RE SURE THERE WAS A GOOD REASON

Video shows man riding on hood of car speeding down I-95 ... because Miami

The cell phone is a nice touch.

(Thanks to Ralph and funny man)

June 25, 2018

IT'S HILARIOUS UNTIL YOU REALIZE IT'S ALL PART OF THEIR MASTER PLAN TO DESTROY HUMAN CIVILIZATION

Rory McIlroy hilariously interrupted by squirrel on opening tee

(Thanks to PirateBoy)

WHOA

Video shows woman walking away after car goes airborne, crashes

(Thanks to Duane Carrell, who says "a Florida driver's AND pilot's license is on the way," and manual tomato, who says "Her cell phone, with a partially typed message, was found in neighboring Florida.")

HIGHER EDUCATION UPDATE

Professor asks men to send her pictures of their penises to help measure self esteem

(Thanks to Le Petomane)

THAT LONG? REALLY? IN FLORIDA YOU HAVE TO BE A BAD DRIVER TO *PASS* THE TEST.

Motorists become ‘bad drivers’ just 10 weeks after passing their test, poll finds

(Thanks to Jay Brandes)

WE SAW THE POOL-NOODLE RATTLESNAKES OPEN FOR CREAM

Arizona family discovers rattlesnakes in pool noodles, police say

(Thanks to Clayton Carroll and Jay Brandes)

SPORTS HIGHLIGHTS FROM AROUND THE PLANET

Pet rabbit celebrates Japan’s World Cup victory by humping Pokémon’s Charmander

(Thanks to Ralph)

Alex Bregman Shaves Mustache in the Middle of Royals vs. Astros

(Thanks to Steve K.)

YOU BEST STAY OUT OF THEM FJORDS

'Land of chlamydia': provocative ad welcomes tourists to Norway

(Thanks to Mark Schlesinger, Le Petomane, Michael Parry and Ranald Adams)

ON THE F TRAIN, OF COURSE

Man stabbed in the head with high heel during subway fight

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson and Janice Gelb)

June 24, 2018

FINALLY, WE'RE GETTING SOMETHING IN RETURN FOR ALL THOSE YEARS OF USING WINDOWS

Bill Gates donates $4M to create mosquitoes that kill each other using sex

(Thanks to Le Petomane)

EW

Seriously, ew.

(Thanks to MOTW, Fabian Marson and John W)

YOU KNOW WHO GAVE THE ORDER

Hungry rat shreds more than $17,500 of cash inside ATM in India

(Thanks to funny man, Jane Linderman, Noah Spicker and Kevin Smith)

NOW YOU KNOW

Dinosaurs couldn't stick out their tongues, researchers say

(Thanks to Ralph)

A CAN'T-MISS STRATEGY

Pittsfield child porn suspect claims he's sovereign member of 'private society,' PanTerra D'Oro, in apparent bid to evade prosecution

(Thanks to Laurie Ann)

IN HIS DEFENSE, HAVE YOU EXPERIENCED THE NEW YORK SUBWAY SYSTEM?

Man dressed in suit paddle boards across Hudson River

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson and D. Shey)

BUT THIS IS HOW WE SIGNAL DOWN HERE

Florida Uber driver charged with pointing gun at texting motorist

(Thanks to Jane Linderman)

BECAUSE YOU'RE NOT NERVOUS ENOUGH

How party dips can give you Norovirus and even HERPES

(Thanks to Kevin Smith)

NOOOOOOOOO

9,000 barrels of bourbon fall in Kentucky distillery building collapse

(Thanks to Rick Day, Janice Gelb, Glen Page, Steve K., Patricia Hall, Rob Simbeck, Le Petomane, Bill Hudgins, Jon Harris, Jane Linderman and Stan Ruth)

DAD SUDDENLY REALIZES WHAT HE REALLY WANTED FOR FATHER'S DAY

A flamethrower drone.

(Thanks to funny man)

 
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