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January 27, 2018

For Christmas this blog was given an Amazon Echo, which is a countertop device containing a pleasant woman named "Alexa" who responds to a wide range of requests, such as "Alexa, what is the weather forecast?" and "Alexa, play 'Game of Love' by Wayne Fontana and the Mindbenders." We use Alexa to keep a running shopping list, and this morning I said to her: "Alexa, add fruit to shopping list." This is how Alexa responded:


She is a vixen, that Alexa.


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Careful Dave, as she might be or soon to be a member of #MeTOO. And since she may not translate well, you might be on her list!

Well Dave, Alexa suggest you make Marmite.

Face it, Dave. Alexa knows you too well.

As if we needed a reminder.

The small garbage bags were - presumably - to hold the poop.

You have matches, right?

Get the sliced poop with lite syrup. If it's from China it probably has sawdust in the sliced portions.

Are you sure you didn't say Marmite?

My friends' children, a 4-year-old and a 6-year-old, discovered that feature a little while back. They absolutely LOVE having Alexa add very strange items -- including anything with "poop" in the name -- to the shopping list and read it back. It is a source of endless entertainment for them.

Fruit doesn't start off as poop but ends up that way -- she's getting ahead of the game.

"Alexa, unlock the bathroom door!"

"I'm sorry, Dave. I can't do that."

At least you didn't get that as the weather forecast.

So much for doody-free shopping.

Always maintain plausible deniability— like who ordered the bong the other day

It would be interesting to ask Alexa to add kale to the shopping list and see what comes up.

Alexa's just thinkin' ahead.


if Alexa ever responds

"I have the greatest enthusiasm for the shopping",

stop making lists.

I also got an Alexa for Christmas. I asked her who Dave Barry was and she said he was the guy with all the poop on his shopping list. Alexa doesn't know how to keep secrets.

Kudos and ^5s all around. Thanks, y’all. I really needed the laughter today.

We have an Echo (early adopter), and yes, the shopping/errand list is my primary use. And, yes, sometimes I have to figure out what I actually said when something like "camel barge" shows up on my list.

Also -- and I just recently became aware of this -- Alex will respond to "Alexa, fart." I'm hoping our grandkids never find this out.

If HAL-9000 was Alexa:


Alexa's mission--cutting out the middle man.

Wait until Dave's grandson says "Alexia, order me a Batmobile."

Some of us require the silver edition

I found that Alexa will respond to "I like sex".

Are you sure Alexa's not really a guy?

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