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November 27, 2017


Louisville man robbed gas station while armed with hand lotion

(Thanks to Le Petomane)


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Louisville will now demand a revote for their pathetic 67th place in the "Most Sinful City" list.

It will come in handy when he gets to jail IYKWIM.

If you're going to bare arms, they should be moisturized.

Whoa, that was close. In addition to the lotion, officers who searched his apartment are said to have found cases of cremes, facial cleansing bars, nail polish remover, body wash, rapid-pump-action dispensers, and - most frightening of all - eye liner. While legally obtained, much of it was traced to cosmetic shows that did not require extensive background checks. Luckily, plans found on his computer indicating application of these on a widespread scale had not yet been realized.

A neighbor, who did not wish to be identified, stated "While he did seem to get an unusually large amount of cotton balls and washcloths delivered at odd hours, no one really thought anything about it. He wasn't unfriendly, but he usually kept to himself."

AXE body spray (Dark Temptation) would've been more effective.


When he was jailed, his cellmates commented on how silky soft his hands were.

You can have my moisturizer when you pry it from my cold, dead (yet soft and supple) hands.

"Halt, halt, or I'll lubricate and moisturize."
Never bring lube to a gun fight--can not end well.

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