Dave Barry's Blog

ALMOST THE PERFECT CRIME

Florida man arrested for trying to break into unmarked patrol car with cops inside

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson, John Lobert and mezrap)

YOU KNOW A SQUIRREL GAVE THE ORDER

Dog rescued after chasing cat into 5-foot deep hole dug by tortoise

(Thanks to Kevin Smith and The Perts)

WE SAW THEM OPEN FOR THE ALLMAN BROTHERS

Fremont Neighborhood Under Siege After Gang Of Wild Turkeys Moves In

Autoplay.

(Thanks to John Lobert, mezrap and Chris Elzi)

APOCALYPSE UPDATE

Cows fall from highway overpass After Utah car crash

 

HO HO HO

Here's Santa Dave's annual Holiday Gift Guide.

(Photo by Carl Juste)

ANOTHER THING TO BE THANKFUL FOR

You're not these people.

(Thanks to Craig Roberts)

HAPPY THANKSGIVING, EVERYBODY

Be thankful you're not a Florida turkey.

(Thanks to Emily, Leslie and w)

IT'S THAT TIME OF YEAR AGAIN....

...time for our Annual Holiday Gift Guide, which will be published soon. Today we shot the video, with a cast consisting of Santa, Maddy the Elf, and Miles the Traditional Holiday Stormtrooper.

(Photo by judi)

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

Authorities say a man angered over people driving dangerously through a busy intersection appeared to intentionally cause a crash there to highlight the problem.

(Thanks to James Flynn)

FLORIDAAAAAAAAAAA

Women get out of car, twerk on Florida highway after traffic jam caused by President Trump's arrival

(Thanks to Bill Carver)

THEY SHOULD HAVE PUT CLOTHES ON THE ONIONS

Toothpaste advert banned after it features naked model with onions

(Thanks to Roberto)

UPDATE

Sacha Baron Cohen offers to pay £300 fine for Czech tourists sporting Borat mankinis in Kazakhstan's capital

(Thanks to Roberto)

WE HAVE NO EXPLANATION FOR THIS SIGN, AND WE DON'T WANT ONE

(Thanks to Nancy Germond)

MARINE GUYS IN ACTION

Male dolphins trade sponges for sex.

(Thanks to Phil McAvity)

GET THAT NOBEL PRIZE READY

However, new research has revealed instances in a Japanese snail where the two types can overcome this barrier by twisting their genitals to mate face-to-face

(Thanks to Craig Roberts)

A LOAF OF BREAD IN AN 'UNFORTUNATE POSITION'

Australian school apologises for 'suggestive' saint statue

(Thanks to Unholy Slacker, Bill Carver, Jay Brandes and Le Petomane)

ADVISORY

Mind-blowing orgasm can make you go blind

(Thanks to Dana Sutton)

WE'LL GET RIGHT ON IT, SIR

SEBASTIAN, Florida – A very intoxicated man at Captain Hiram’s told police he was a tax-paying citizen and they need to find his car so he can drive home, according to the report.

(Thanks to John Mayson)

CAREER DAY

Guest Speaker Shows Pornographic Picture During Virginia High School Assembly

(Thanks to Stixnstonz, who says "In his defense, there are a lot of careers in that field.")

'TIS THE SEASON

Sales of erectile dysfunction drugs DOUBLE in the run up to the festive period

(Thanks to Roberto)

THE PERILS OF LIVE TELEVISION

Stuff happens.

(Thanks to James Flynn)

TIME TO BAN BEANS

Mystery Blasts Rattling the Globe

(Thanks to [appropriately enough] Le Petomane)

IT'S DEFINITELY MORE DIGNIFIED THAN OUR CURRENT SYSTEM FOR ELECTING PRESIDENTS

The Slippery Stairs Game

(Thanks to Peter Metrinko)

THE LAND OF THE FREE

The FAA Can't Stop People From Throwing Live Turkeys Out Of Planes

Les Nessman, take note.

(Thanks to Jon Harris)

AUSTRALIAAAAAAAAAAAAA

Woman gets trapped in car with massive spider for 20 minutes

(Thanks to Rick Day)

CROCS CLEARLY PAY NO ATTENTION TO THE FLAGS

"We’ve got the flags flying as a precaution."

 

GUYS IN ACTION

Self-taught rocket scientist plans to launch over ghost town

Following his jump, he said he’s going to announce his plans to leap into the race for governor of California.

(Thanks to John Gregg, Ray Reese and Bill Hudgins)

MEN:

Unless you're thinking of becoming a professional bullfighter, do NOT click here.

(Thanks to Bill Hudgins)

SNAKES IN MAJOR APPLIANCES: NOW OFFICIALLY A WORLDWIDE EPIDEMIC

Horrified family finds gigantic snake hiding in their washing machine

(Thanks to D Shey)

IF YOU THINK THIS IS AN EXAGGERATION, WATCH THE VIDEO

Televangelist Jim Bakker threatens viewers’ grandkids with eternal damnation unless they buy his pancake mix

(Thanks to Ralph)

IT COMES WITH A TINY DRIVER'S LICENSE

Florida radio station holds a 'Win a Baby' contest

(Thanks to Le Petomane)

NO WORD ON CONDIMENTS

Grandpa's final wish granted: Bury me with Pat's cheesesteaks

(Thanks to Al Barkafski, The Perts and Le Petomane)

WE'RE MULTITASKTERS

Americans Are Watching Netflix at Work and in the Bathroom

(Thanks to Art Kraus and Alkali Bill)

SEND HIM TO THE STATE LEGISLATURE

Naked burglar bursts into Florida woman’s home, tries on her clothes, rolls around in yard

(Thanks to Rick Day)

VETERAN MOVE

Florida man throws girlfriend’s shoe out of his truck to stop her from strangling him, police say

(Thanks to Allen at Division)

SO HOW WAS YOUR DAY?

NJ Woman Stuck for 3 Hours Inside Septic Tank Rescued

(Thanks to Chris Elzi, Al Barkafski and Rob Simbeck)

IN THAILAND, WHICH IS SOMEWHERE AROUND AUSTRALIA

Snake catchers pull 20-foot python out of family's toilet

(Thanks to Ralph)

'I CAN TELL THAT IT'S NOT LOADED'

Two hurt in accidental shooting at East Tenn. church during discussion on church shootings

(Thanks to Rick Day, Patty Villanova and Not My Usual Alias) 

GUYS IN ACTION

Early Thursday morning at an Olympia, Washington, parking lot, a man perched above a ravine began to defecate. An unfortunate slip midway through, and he found himself in an uncontrolled descent.

(Thanks to Craig Roberts, B'game and Judy B)

NAVY PILOT GUYS IN ACTION

Navy admits to being involved in obscene skydrawings spotted in Okanogan Co.

(Thanks to Craig Roberts)

IN FLATHEAD COUNTY, TENSION CONTINUES TO MOUNT

7:41 p.m. A concerned citizen called the cops to inform them of some drama on a local Facebook group.

(Thanks to Craig Roberts)

USUALLY THIS WORKS

Longhorn who allegedly said 'I’m a UT student! You can’t arrest me!' is arrested

(Thanks to Stan Ruth)

ONE BY ONE, WE ARE LOSING OUR BASIC CONSTITUTIONAL RIGHTS

Angry ‘McDonald’s nuggets’ man charged with drink driving after ordering 200 hash browns

(Thanks to DaninDallas and Fabian Marson)

THERE ARE DOZENS OF PERFECTLY INNOCENT EXPLANATIONS

Man gets eel stuck up his anus but won’t tell doctors how it got there

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)

OTHER THAN THAT IT WAS A LOVELY AFFAIR

Police are investigating after a man was stabbed four times by his brother while attending a funeral.

(Thanks to Chris Elzi)

DEPENDS STOCK SOARING

Experts warn we are not ready for the boom in urinary issues as global population ages

(Thanks to Michael Moyer)

WAIT... SHE WORKED THERE IN A PINK NIGHTGOWN?

Chicago woman accused of robbing bank where she used to work in pink nightgown

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)

ALSO REALLY FURIOUS

Employees catch couple having sex 'really fast' at Texas movie theater

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)

ALWAYS A SOLID LEGAL TACTIC

Driver lands in jail after challenging cop who was writing him a ticket to a fight

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)

FLORIDAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

‘He could have blown up the block’: Fla. police discover booby-trapped SpongeBob lunchbox

(Thanks to Rob Simbeck)